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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague threw wine down my dress

97 replies

Gone12 · 21/12/2024 18:14

Not really an AIBU but posting for traffic.

Joined my company 2 months ago and had Christmas party on Thursday evening.

Was mingling with colleagues before sitting down to dinner. This colleague was a bit tipsy and complimented me on how I looked and my dress before then suddenly moving towards me and spilling her glass of red wine down the front of it.

She and the male colleague she was with laughed and walked off. I was mortified and felt upset. Luckily the dress is dark so it doesn't really show the stain, but I can't get the smell of the wine out. The dress will need dry cleaning.

Will see colleague on Monday. Not sure what to say or do.

OP posts:
Wonderi · 21/12/2024 20:34

Did she apologise?

If not, did you not say anything at the time?

Are you in work on Monday?
If so, I would write her an email on Sunday and CC him in it and just say you’re a bit annoyed because not only did she spill a drink over you but instead of apologising they both laughed and walked off.
Say it’s not very professional and although you understand they were drunk, there is still a standard they should hold themselves at at a works do.

I wouldn’t just write it off or chalk it up to experience, especially if you think it was done on purpose.

Balancedcitizen101 · 21/12/2024 20:54

Sounds like a rude person, at least when drunk. Maybe canvass colleague opinion subtly on if she always does this or not. I'd probably suck up the dry cleaning this time, and see how it goes. Gently mention it 'in passing' to her if you see her again.

Cherrysoup · 21/12/2024 21:00

I’d mention it on Monday and say is needs dry cleaning then wait for her to say something. If she blusters, calmly repeat that because she spilt her drink on it, it needs dry cleaning. I’d be very upset, in fact was, when a colleague sat down very abruptly on a sofa at a party and caused my red wine to spill down a my gold coloured ball gown.

ColourBlueColourPurple · 21/12/2024 21:16

Sounds like she did it deliberately. Be a shame if a drink got accidentally spilled over her in the office next week, wouldn't it.

LongDarkTeatime · 21/12/2024 21:26

Sounds like there needs to be an office joke established about how it’s not safe to wear anything nice around her when she’s drinking.

OTannenbaumOTannenbaum · 21/12/2024 21:33

Did she attempt to apologise? Or did she just walk off laughing immediately? If the latter then she's a piece of work and needs avoided.

ZaraSkyTraveler · 21/12/2024 21:36

“Spilt” as per the OP suggest an accident, “threw” as per the thread title suggests on purpose.

which was it as that will depend on the answer given

Bloonket · 21/12/2024 21:38

You cannot ask for money, this stuff happens.

DoNotIron · 21/12/2024 21:38

If she didn't apologise, then even if it wasn't deliberate, she was very disrespectful and lacking in manners. I would probably go for embarrassing the hell out of her and loudly joking about how plastered she was, spilling her drink all over the place and all over you.

WigglyVonWaggly · 21/12/2024 21:39

Did she not apologise or show any sort of reaction other than laughing? If she didn’t, I’d give her the bill and say you’d appreciate her contributing as she found it funny at the time.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 21/12/2024 21:41

If you think it was deliberately done, have there been any other issues?

You say small independent, is there HR? I would be having an off the books conversation with them or your line manager.

Tiredofallthis101 · 21/12/2024 21:45

I'd politely but firmly hand her the dry cleaning bill and suggest she pay it. Either she did it because she was drunk and it was an accident- in which case her fault for being too drunk - or she did it on purpose. Either way, her fault. Words to the effect of - Sally, I don't know if you'll recall but on Saturday night you spilled wine all down my dress and unfortunately it now requires dry cleaning to try to get the stain out. I'd be grateful if you could cover the bill please given that you spilled the wine on me. I've been quoted £20 [or better yet it cost me £x so she can't quibble with the price].

saltinesandcoffeecups · 21/12/2024 21:51

If she was tipsy maybe she didn’t realize she spilled 🤷‍♀️ I’m with the others…unless there’s a massive backstory here in your short tenure with the company, just move on.

I’m going to assume you were going to wash your outfit at some point after wearing it out so are you really out anything?

PickledPurplePickle · 21/12/2024 22:04

So she was drunk and split it on you accidentally? That’s very different to your title

Abi86 · 21/12/2024 22:05

I’m surprised your company does't have a policy on acceptable behaviour and alcohol use. Do you have hr?

I’d address it directly, but I’m a guy. "That was a shitty thing to do, the other night. Spill wine on me, laugh and then walk off. I just wanted you to know that it pissed me off, damaged my dress and was unacceptable behaviour"

itzthTtimeGib · 21/12/2024 22:06

You’re not sure whether it was deliberate, but want us to weigh in on how to respond. How is that possible?

LalaPaloosa2024 · 22/12/2024 19:05

I had an experience like this while on holidays in Jakarta. A couple of girls walked up to me and my boyfriend at a NYE party and one of them threw her drink in my face and down my dress. I was stunned. I went off to the ladies toilets to clean it off and they both linked arms with my boyfriend and tried to get him to leave with them. Obviously he didn’t, but I’ve never seen anything like it. I wanted to leave but there were no cars. The evening was ruined.

Once my boyfriend’s mother found out she had a word to the host and the girl who did it sent a message the next day offering to pay for my dry cleaning after the “accident”. I was livid. This gesture was to cover up her atrocious behaviour.

Some people are just desperate and revolting.

PrimalLass · 22/12/2024 19:15

Will see colleague on Monday. Not sure what to say or do.

Not a sausage. Just get it dry cleaned.

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 22/12/2024 19:21

Fortunately the dress is not ruined and can be dry cleaned .
This was either an accident , or for some strange reason it was deliberate and she wanted to ruin your dress / upset you .
Either way , when you see her smile breezily and say " no worries about your little accident at the party, the dress washed up perfectly.

Lavender14 · 22/12/2024 19:27

I wouldn't do anything op but I'd watch her reaction the next time you're together. If she apologises then I'd let it go completely. If she doesn't then I'd probably mark her card. I wouldn't say or do anything about it but I'd be careful and purely professional around her and document things just incase she has form for bullying. I don't see what you could do now without it being a he said she said as to whether or not it was an accident and the other manager might back her up if they're friendly. Sometimes I think when someone deliberately does something horrible they're actually doing you a favour by showing you who they are.

Notlikeyou1971 · 22/12/2024 19:39

Don't make a big production out of it. Especially when you have to work with them regularly. They will probably come to you. If not, just have it cleaned and stay away from them because you obviously know what kind of people these people are. Work related interactions only.

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 22/12/2024 19:49

I would wink at her and say "do you even remember spilling that drink down me? You were sooo drunk. Don't worry, what happens at the Xmas party stays at the Xmas party. "

Then be very wary of her.

I think making a big deal of it or taking it further officially will just backfire one you.

YDBear · 22/12/2024 20:19

From OP’s description it seems the colleague deliberately threw the wine on the dress and thought that it was funny. I’m surprised that OP didn’t say anything at the time—I would have raised hell on the spot. My response now would be to accidentally trip and deposit a mug of scolding hot coffee (boil a kettle) down the colleague’s front on Monday.

missmollygreen · 22/12/2024 20:28

CurlewKate · 21/12/2024 19:42

@Letmeknowhowthatgoes "Highly unlikely it was accident. If it was colleague would have been mortified not laughing. She's a bitch who you know now to keep away from"

Wow!

It's almost always cock up, not conspiracy. Remember that-you'll have a happier life.

Some people prefer to live life angry and bitter, unfortunately

standononefoot · 22/12/2024 20:32

I'd ask her to pay for the dry cleaning. Loudly in the open plan office.

"Susan, I hope your head wasn't too sore on Saturday morning- you were in some form at the party! You might not remember given your state, but you spilt red wine down my dress. It cost £10 at the cleaner, here's the receipt. Just get it to me whenever you can."

Embarrass her right back. What a bitch.