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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Early gift disappointment

70 replies

Veronay · 21/12/2024 16:50

Exchanged gifts with bf, we do it before Christmas as we spend the day itself at our respective families'. I knew I'd overspent but it's not really the money aspect, I don't really care about the value it's just the gifts in particular don't seem very thoughtful, almost like the first thing he saw he bought if that makes sense. I like to take time to thoroughly look and decide what to get everyone, and I know not everyone has the time to do this (or wants to) and that's OK.
I'm posting because it's actually surprised me how disappointed I feel. I wasn't expecting anything in particular, and in fact I don't dislike the gifts, they're still nice, so feeling this down about them has really surprised me. In particular, one of the items is a piece of jewellery, but it's costume style jewellery (not real silver/gold or anything), just the sort of thing I'd possibly buy myself as a small treat. I think it might be because jewelley can be something of a statement, so I'm reading more into it than I probably should. Again, it's not a horrible piece, just if I'm being honest nothing special, and it's been our first full year together this year. Everything I got him I spent ages choosing and he absolutely loves all of them, put them on immediately etc, which does make me happy.
I'm posting to vent as I would never in a million years tell anyone if I was disappointed in what they got me, it would break my heart to tell anyone that, and also possibly for advice as to how to hide this, as like I've said I've never really felt disappointed like this before and it's taken me by surprise, I'm struggling to hide it at the moment. I also feel maybe a bit embarassed about spending slughtly more on him and thinkng so much abojt the hifts. I'm sure many other people have experienced something similar, and was wondering how you process it or conceal it, especially over rhe holiday when under more social pressure etc.

OP posts:
Hufflemuff · 21/12/2024 16:54

How do you know that he didn't spend ages choosing it? Suck it up and just move on. Unless theres another reason you're upset? Is he upsetting you/disappointing you in other ways?

Next year be specific about what you'd like to receive/give.

Mumistiredzzzz · 21/12/2024 16:58

You got a necklace that you'd buy yourself as a treat, and you're disappointed?

AnyoneSomeone · 21/12/2024 16:59

If it's the sort of jewellery you usually buy yourself and he knows you like it
then he has been thoughtful.He could have spent ages choosing your presents too.

applestewing · 21/12/2024 17:02

Yabu and ungrateful

applestewing · 21/12/2024 17:04

Perhaps he thought the gifts you got him were rubbish and was pretending to like them and will shortly post a similar thread on dadsnet

flakesofcorn · 21/12/2024 17:04

Honestly, get over yourself, you sound so ungrateful. How do you get over this? Social pressure? Ridiculous.

Livinginadream · 21/12/2024 17:07

You're good at choosing gifts he hasn't been good at choosing gifts for you this time. Are there other stuff that you appreciate in him?

NotMeForBakeoff · 21/12/2024 17:07

How thoughtful is he the rest of the time?

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 21/12/2024 17:08

Sounds like you were expecting him to both read your mind and to put on more of a show. You should discuss budget and ideas in advance if it means that much. You’re being pretty unreasonable, but I also think you know you are, which is good.

JohnMcClanesVest · 21/12/2024 17:08

I wasn't expecting anything in particular, and in fact I don't dislike the gifts, they're still nice,
just the sort of thing I'd possibly buy myself as a small treat.

Boyfriend buys gifts you like and would even get yourself…..

This isn’t going to go well OP.

Builtlikeafliplop · 21/12/2024 17:09

I think you’ve made too many excuses for him and his crap present buying and are settling here.

Youcunnyfunt · 21/12/2024 17:11

Everyone is being pretty harsh Veronay. I understand how you feel. In regards to other people, don’t let the pressure upset you more.
Might be worth having an honest chat about gift expectations, whether he’d like (or need) input/ideas from you if it’s not his strong point. That, and setting a joint budget is not a
bad idea. In the long run, if you end up living together, a joint budget is sensible because it all comes out of your joint pot anyway. I don’t think there’s any harm in asking him to make a bit more effort.

Londonrach1 · 21/12/2024 17:13

I don't understand why you upset...you like the jewelry and said it's something you buy. Yabu.

BunsenBurnerBaby · 21/12/2024 17:14

So maybe his love language is not gifts. My son will be like this: buying gifts stresses him out and he does try because he knows it’s important to other people but he will never be a good gift buyer. I hope his future partner will forgive him that. Some people are excellent at buying gifts for others; some of us are hit and miss; and some just find it hard despite trying (yes also those CBA to try). Your job as gift receiver is to enjoy and accept the intention behind the gift. Now, if there are other things bugging you about the relationship and this is a symptom (your reaction) then your OP missed a lot out.

verysmellyjelly · 21/12/2024 17:17

Was his gift a lot cheaper than yours?

custardpyjamas · 21/12/2024 17:17

My DH is a bit like this he tries but is pretty useless, been married longer than I care to remember. I give a list but it does seem like he rushes around and buys what he thinks might be OK that more or less fits. That's just him, I should probably be absolutely specific (odd things I do) but I really don't want to know exactly what I will get, that would be really boring.

Dishwashersaurous · 21/12/2024 17:20

So he got you things you like, that you'd buy yourself.

Is this actually about the money? Were you hoping for an expensive, extravagant gift as a demonstration of his love for you?

TooManyCupsAndMugs · 21/12/2024 17:21

I have to quite specific if I want something but OH usually gets me something he knows I like. On the other hand, I have just received a third Pandora bracelet from the same family member - they have bought me one 3 years out of 5!!

Ihopeyouhavent · 21/12/2024 17:21

Its not about value, its about thought, you sound spoilt.

Dishwashersaurous · 21/12/2024 17:26

Also if this is your first Christmas together then it's an opportunity to see how you both do gifts at Christmas.

He now knows that you like to spend lots and it's a big thing.

Whereas he's more smaller gifts ( which is probably more typical)

Clafoutie · 21/12/2024 17:38

Ihopeyouhavent · 21/12/2024 17:21

Its not about value, its about thought, you sound spoilt.

But that is exactly the OP’s point. The gifts suggest a lack of thought.

Gardendiary · 21/12/2024 17:40

Are presents your love language? I think they are mine - if someone gets something really thoughtful, I feel totally seen. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Could be a photo of something we’ve done together, or a book that shows they’ve listened and searched out something of interest. I spend a lot of time choosing gifts so if I feel someone hasn’t done the same I wonder if they are actually bothered about me. I realise this sounds incredibly high maintenance and I absolutely never voice this in real life, no one I know has a clue - but I can see how you might be feeling.

YiayiaP · 21/12/2024 17:40

My DH is absolutely rubbish at buying presents and I’d rather he didn’t bother… (he’s very practical whereas I think gifts should be a treat/indulgent.) We decided a few years back not to “waste” money on each other and don’t buy each other gifts for Christmas/birthdays… We spend money instead throughout the year on days out, meals, holidays etc. Doesn’t mean we love eachother less.

Dishwashersaurous · 21/12/2024 17:42

I don't see how the gift lacks thought.

It's a piece of jewellery which she says that she would buy herself, so clearly the sort of thing she likes and wears.

ginasevern · 21/12/2024 17:47

Lesson in life - most men are crap at buying presents. I've got friends who've been married for 30 years and their husbands still buy them things they'd never wear or use in a million years.

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