Early gift disappointment

[Veronay]

Exchanged gifts with bf, we do it before Christmas as we spend the day itself at our respective families'. I knew I'd overspent but it's not really the money aspect, I don't really care about the value it's just the gifts in particular don't seem very thoughtful, almost like the first thing he saw he bought if that makes sense. I like to take time to thoroughly look and decide what to get everyone, and I know not everyone has the time to do this (or wants to) and that's OK.
I'm posting because it's actually surprised me how disappointed I feel. I wasn't expecting anything in particular, and in fact I don't dislike the gifts, they're still nice, so feeling this down about them has really surprised me. In particular, one of the items is a piece of jewellery, but it's costume style jewellery (not real silver/gold or anything), just the sort of thing I'd possibly buy myself as a small treat. I think it might be because jewelley can be something of a statement, so I'm reading more into it than I probably should. Again, it's not a horrible piece, just if I'm being honest nothing special, and it's been our first full year together this year. Everything I got him I spent ages choosing and he absolutely loves all of them, put them on immediately etc, which does make me happy.
I'm posting to vent as I would never in a million years tell anyone if I was disappointed in what they got me, it would break my heart to tell anyone that, and also possibly for advice as to how to hide this, as like I've said I've never really felt disappointed like this before and it's taken me by surprise, I'm struggling to hide it at the moment. I also feel maybe a bit embarassed about spending slughtly more on him and thinkng so much abojt the hifts. I'm sure many other people have experienced something similar, and was wondering how you process it or conceal it, especially over rhe holiday when under more social pressure etc.

Think this is a really good opportunity to actually get to know each other better by talking about families, traditions and expectations around events.

Many, many families wouldn't see Christmas as about making people feel special through gifts.

Is there also an underlying feeling about the fact that you aren't spending Christmas together, and whether that's a reflection on the seriousness of your relationship. And then the gifts are a symbol of that.

Because actually it doesn't now seem that it is about the money but about something else

Sounds to me like what you really want maybe is a particular type of experience with your OH at Christmas? What you’re feeling is probably not about the actual physical gifts at all. Receiving just more stuff can make you feel quite empty. Especially when there’s quite a long build up as there often is each year. Perhaps think about your ideal fantasy Christmas as a starter. Wishing you a very happy one x

My last post was in response to this one but im not sure if i mamaged to quote it, I think this post may be onto something regarding the origin of my disappointment.
To be honest I don't even really want anything. I could go out and buy myself something extra nice but I feel like the hurt comes from wanting to be gifted it.

Maybe it's exactly what you said, OP; that it's something you'd buy yourself.
He probably thinks he's done exactly the right thing and it does show he's noticed what you wear which is great.
But you hoped for maybe a more "special " version in some way so you're a little deflated.
If jewellery is your thing, and is symbolic to you, you could say later in the year "those earrings you bought me are lovely, I'd love something from x brand/shop to go with them"
That way it's still a surprise and he will think about it, as he chooses the item himself, but it's also something you know you'll be happy with.

Stop thinking about the gift he got you and start thinking about the gift that is him. Unless you dont feel that way about him, in which case sayonara. Life is too short for this. Pull yourself together.

I’m female and can’t get my head around the specifics of jewellery you seem to have. How the hell is a guy supposed to know any of this?

Sorry, each time I try to respond to a specific post it doesn't seem to work. But I read each reply so thanks for those who have shared their thoughts. I know many people feel disappointment this time of year, in various ways, I think it's just the first time I've experienced it.
I think he did mean well by the gifts to be honest. Sometimes we read too much into the sentiment behind gifts. After some thought, I think what I am missing is something I could keep for a long time that was just for me (not just practical things for the house etc) that would last years and that I could remember our first full year by (if indeed it is a long relationship). Perhaps my expectations were too high, and I definitely hadn't communicated them, I don't usually adk for specific things and to be honest, before reflecting, I don't think I was even fully aware of what it was I'd wanted.

I think what I am missing is something I could keep for a long time that was just for me (not just practical things for the house etc) that would last years and that I could remember our first full year by (if indeed it is a long relationship).

I don't think I was even fully aware of what it was I'd wanted.

I can see why men think women are bloody mad sometimes! 😂At least you got this off your chest here before the poor sod got the brunt of it.

It does sound as if you wanted some sort of ‘show’ gift to boast about or to measure your relationship through. I realised years ago that dp would never be that giver, so if I want diamonds or whatever, I buy my own.

I have a lovely dh, we have just celebrated 25 years together.
He is a crap gift giver.
It isn;t the money, he just is bad at choosing, so if he buys me earrings (which I love) they are ones that I don't ever wear.

But in the grand scheme of things, I decided early on that it was something I can live with, given that he is a generally great human being in all other respects.

I think one thing is that he doesn't get hints I drop, and when we are eg on holiday and I go - Oh what a lovely necklace - it would never occur to him to buy it and save it for a gift for later.

So now I am much more direct. I make a Christmas list. I send him links to things I like, and I have stopped expecting something from him that he can't do.
And we are both happier.

Is it because the gifts are not meaningful ? I.e you were hoping for more by way of expressing his feelings for you ?
Men often get it very wrong OP / the gifts I've had over the years

Ooh I think what this probably signifies is that in the new year you need to have a genuine conversation with him about the direction of the relationship and the next step etc.

I don't really want something to show off, it doesnt even have to be jewellery. What I meant by social pressures at this time of year is that I find it difficult to visit some people due to difficult family history and current issues like serious illness so these things are contributing to the time feeling strained, like an overall lowness.
I think perhaps some PPs are right and it's not about the gift at all but what I read into it, I've been suffering from low mood in general this year, worse at times like now due to hormones. I don't think making lists is for me though, so I'll just have to accept that those extra special feelings we associate with Christmas aren't guaranteed every year.

I wonder whether this is actually about the fact that you aren't with him at christmas and you aren't really looking forward to seeing the people you are seeing.

No gift was ever going to compensate for that set up.

And just to pick up on one thing you say.

Extra special feelings with associate with Christmas.

I'd say that this is perhaps an unrealistic expectation and it certainly cannot be achieved through gifts

Are you choosing the "quote" option? Of you can't see that copying a specific bit of text then pasting that and putting it between asterisks to bold it works too.

This is why I am so relieved not to exchange presents with DH or anyone else at Christmas. I have no idea what people's expectations are, I don't know what they want, I have no idea what constitutes special as opposed to just nice and am baffled by why some jewellery you said you would for yourself as a treat is not special if it would be a treat.

If you have really particular ideas about how you want Christmas to be and the kind of gifts you want you have to voice them.

I think you’ve been watching too many adverts and seeing too many perfect Instagram posts and want some sort of dream. I think next year, you’ll need to be a bit more proactive and clear about things. This is about much more than a pair of earrings, it seems.

Yes, I think it's tied with not really looking forward to Christmas in general and feeling like a lot of it will be a strained time of visiting people I either don't really like or whose condition (through illness) brings about great sadness. That's just how the world is, though. I feel like I need to make a lot of effort with family because they won't be around forever and some of them possibly not much longer. I think these things are hard to face after a busy and stressful year of working hard and not seeing much reward (like many people are feeling st the moment). I think I'll juet have to try and find joy in the little things and stop thinking so much. I can definitely see why people rely more on alcohol this time of year!

I'd say that actually how you feel is probably in many ways more normal. Christmas seems to bring out lots of emotion and reflection in people, not all of it good.

Make sure that you do find time to do some things that you actually enjoy, even its a long walk in the woods, a cheesy movie or an extra long bath.

Take care of yourself

I think it is lovely that you are reflecting OP on this experience and what it means for you x