Dh looking up at me and shaking his head

[Ohitsthegrinchagain]

Dh been doing lots of jobs in the garden this morning (things that needed doing) cutting grass, trimming bushes etc. I’ve been up since 6.30 with dd, baking, crafts, doing her breakfast & lunch, up at night every night doing the elf activities, i’ve done every single thing for xmas, do all the cooking, organising, 80% of Dds care and work part time.
Dds neighbour pal is here playing upstairs and i’m sat on my phone. I see him out of the corner of my eye looking at me and shaking his head, very passive aggressive..the implication being that he’s doing all this work and heavy carrying and cutting the tree etc and i’m just sat here on my phone.
I catch his look and ask him what’s wrong? Does he need help with something as he can just ask and not be passive aggressive. He gets angry and storms off. I feel like shouting back that I can sit on my sofa on my phone if I like and listing all the things I do and how he’s taking the piss completely, but really what is the point. He’s done this before, it’s just nasty

Anyone else have this

Why? What's that got to do with anything except stealing joy from a little girl.

I feel really annoyed every time I catch sight of the title of this thread. How fucking dare he??? I suspect that any mention of his behaviour to him will result in his losing his temper. Make plans, Op, make plans. Honestly, life is much better without that behaviour in it.

Also you do NOT have to justify what you do around the house, to him. Horrible man.

Why is getting up early today viewed as something heroic?
😐

What is he usually like?

I'd be tempted to give him a list of ask the things you have done this week/do every day, then tell him you will be out tomorrow so he can rest after his Big Garden Job then too.

Passive aggressive idiot.

Is he usually like this?

Love this!!

You sound like a bit of a martyr tbh - if it’s not appreciated, then stop - but yes he’s being a knob. It’s ok for you both to do less and enjoy yourselves. Hope you can take some time out for each other.

Yep think you were expected to pick up on his attitude to join him outside so you could cheer him on with his garden work or help him out. My DH will make a big performance deal out of any little job, lots of noise and disruption. Same as his performance washing up, water everywhere, crashing pans around, grunting etc leaving a mess behind. I just get on with things without expecting an audience clapping and cheering me on 🙄

It's good that you leave it as his problem rather than actually feeling guilty. Hope you sort it out, this weekend there's a good chance of squabbles for most of us.

Still though - for all we know, his work is extra busy because of Christmas, he's worried about money because of buying gifts / party food, more housework/ parenting for him, even if it's still much less than OP... Maybe he feels maudlin this time of year, as many do. He's still being a twat. But that's not to say there's no pressure on him or that he doesn't feel pressured.

I would do it back to him next time he sits down to relax.

But he works full time and on his first day off for Christmas he's in the garden doing lots of jobs all day. Not sitting on his phone.

A lot of the OP's pressure is self-imposed, no need to be "up at night every night" for a bloody elf.

People only feel guilty about being judged as lazy if they're being lazy.

Many people do the tasks the OP listed and have multiple children and work full time and don't have a partner to do anything. It's all relative.

There's always at least one apologist for shit men in threads like these. Ignore those kind of responses OP.

Yes there is always a pick me girl.

He’s stroppy that he’s having to ‘suffer’ (by doing his responsibilities) while you’re not also simultaneously ‘suffering’. If he was sat on his phone he wouldn’t care that you were as well. No, instead I can guarantee he’s thinking ‘why should I be breaking my back while she’s sitting there…’ or a worse version if he’s that way inclined.

I try I know be looking back and giving the finger. What an arse.

I’m struggling not to tell you to hand him a list of everything you’ve done. You both either need to talk or you need to shout as you wanted to!!

When he’s come back in & warmed up a bit, sit him down and calmly suggest that you do a swap. He can take on the nightly elf activities & cooking breakfast & lunch for your DD, do some baking & crafting with her while you sort out the garden. You can bet that he won’t fancy that very much.

He’s being an arsehole.

I used to have one of these men. Either annoyed with me or ignoring me. He even tried ignoring me when I informed him I was leaving. Once the penny dropped he tried everything, but I was out. Done. Now he's still the same but not my problem.

I would infinitely rather be gardening than entertaining a small child so I don’t know why he would think you’re having an easy time.

You do realise that for a lot of people, gardening is a hobby? A pleasure? It doesn’t have to be a chore. It’s exercise in the fresh air, you get a garden that looks nice and you have peace and quiet.

Bet he wasn’t up at 6.30am on the weekend was he?

Anyway being on your phone doesn’t mean you are faffing - you could be doing the Tesco order or doing work emails. Just ignore this kind of PA nonsense.

Or next time you catch his eye blow him a kiss - he’ll love that lollll.

How very 1950s 😕

Sometimes MN makes me feel genuinely grateful that I never married 😬