Dh looking up at me and shaking his head

[Ohitsthegrinchagain]

Dh been doing lots of jobs in the garden this morning (things that needed doing) cutting grass, trimming bushes etc. I’ve been up since 6.30 with dd, baking, crafts, doing her breakfast & lunch, up at night every night doing the elf activities, i’ve done every single thing for xmas, do all the cooking, organising, 80% of Dds care and work part time.
Dds neighbour pal is here playing upstairs and i’m sat on my phone. I see him out of the corner of my eye looking at me and shaking his head, very passive aggressive..the implication being that he’s doing all this work and heavy carrying and cutting the tree etc and i’m just sat here on my phone.
I catch his look and ask him what’s wrong? Does he need help with something as he can just ask and not be passive aggressive. He gets angry and storms off. I feel like shouting back that I can sit on my sofa on my phone if I like and listing all the things I do and how he’s taking the piss completely, but really what is the point. He’s done this before, it’s just nasty

Anyone else have this

January is the busiest month for divorce lawyers I hear…

Sounds like a right donger for reacting like that, but you did read an awful lot into a head movement that you saw out of the corner of your eye. So you're both dongers and deserve each other. You need a common enemy - why don't you start a feud with the neighbours.

Where did you find him, seriously? He cleaned down to the skirting boards without being asked, that’s a dream man right there!

When I have the odd moment feeling sad about not having a male partner, a few seconds on Mumsnet reminds me that being single = no shit like this is my life. I’m sorry for you OP and all the women out there who live with awful men.

What are elf activities?

Oh it was putting the Christmas elves in silly situations and doing the advent calendar for when she gets up

He broke up yesterday from work, was happy this morning…not going to have my Christmas ruined

Omg, I want your DH! Please clone him and send my way!

Nope, my man's energy and can do attitude shames me. And he's over a decade older.😫

But why have you done 'every single thing for Christmas'? Did someone put a gun to your head? Why has this all fallen on you?

I've done bugger all except for the odd shop with DH and he's cooked a nice chilli this morning. Don't intend to do much more either....

Very nasty behaviour and he has form.
Be careful OP if you see a pattern.
So many men start their emotional abuse of women by grinding them down.

Read up on the boiled frog analogy and how it destroys women.

I hope your contraception is bullet proof and you can return to work full-time.

A complete one of by someone feeling a bit grumpy, it happens to the best of us......but a pattern of this behaviour is toxic.

So beware.

Because I obviously know what Dd wants the most for christmas, he cannot cook well, he works full time, me part time so tbf I can get other bits done and like doing all the Christmas bits done for/with Dd. I’m not a martyr about it or complain about it to him, but neither do I get any recognition, I don’t really care about that either, but i’m not going to be begrudged a few hours sat relaxing on my phone whilst I can, whilst he does his jobs that haven’t even been done for months and months. I didn’t even ask for them to be done or mention it, even though the garden was a mess.
There’s no need for any of it, just nasty and bad vibes.

Maybe stop with the Elf nonsense

My DC are older now, but when they were little DH understood that looking after them was hard work and if (say) he was doing gardening jobs while I was watching them, he would value my contribution.

Well you could join in the performative head shaking next time he's sitting down and you're doing something. If he objects, tell him you thought that's what you were both doing now. He sounds like an arse.

Is this the tone of your marriage generally, OP? You both thinking you do more than the other and being resentful about it?

Or is this just an occasional blip, maybe brought on by the stress of Christmas, and most of the time you love and appreciate each other?

Because if the former, get some counseling or break up. You only live once and this will be a miserable way to do it.

😂😂

No, I like doing it, it makes dd happy, brings mr a bit of happiness

Where did you find him, seriously? He cleaned down to the skirting boards without being asked, that’s a dream man right there!*

I found him in the pub 12 years ago. Not sure how he was single and only ever had short relationships. He is doing all the cooking on xmas day too.

Cannot lie, I am lucky. I am also extremely grateful. Cos my work is always manic in December he actually sorted and wrapped all the kids xmas presents and wrapped them all. He even went back out when I melted down like an idiot and panicked that there were not enough presents.

*Me, not mr

The elves aren’t the issue

Absolutely you should sit on your phone for all hours God sends if you want and can do so. I agree that giving a look while nodding the head is pretty condescending and I would point that out to him.

Also I would mind if I didn't get any recognition for my efforts and from your post, your frustration is clear and perhaps you do mind a lot. Everyone needs validation.

It's difficult to have an adult, honest conversation with someone you want to hit over the head with a saucepan but I would put your big pants on and confront him with your upset feelings.

Say that you don't feel loved, recognised, valued or respected - because this is what it's about isn't it? Not little Christmas jobs. If he can't make you feel like that, you're going to be on your phone a whole lot more....

I'd position myself so that I couldn't see his childish grumping.