Dh looking up at me and shaking his head

[Ohitsthegrinchagain]

Dh been doing lots of jobs in the garden this morning (things that needed doing) cutting grass, trimming bushes etc. I’ve been up since 6.30 with dd, baking, crafts, doing her breakfast & lunch, up at night every night doing the elf activities, i’ve done every single thing for xmas, do all the cooking, organising, 80% of Dds care and work part time.
Dds neighbour pal is here playing upstairs and i’m sat on my phone. I see him out of the corner of my eye looking at me and shaking his head, very passive aggressive..the implication being that he’s doing all this work and heavy carrying and cutting the tree etc and i’m just sat here on my phone.
I catch his look and ask him what’s wrong? Does he need help with something as he can just ask and not be passive aggressive. He gets angry and storms off. I feel like shouting back that I can sit on my sofa on my phone if I like and listing all the things I do and how he’s taking the piss completely, but really what is the point. He’s done this before, it’s just nasty

Anyone else have this

Tell him to straighten his face or fuck off.

You don't like him much do you?

No I do not have that.

You choose to be up early baking, doing crafts, last night doing 'elf' whatever that is. If you feel that everything falls on you at Christmas, next year make a list of what needs doing and discuss with your husband what each of you can do. No doubt he will comply.

There's no point in being disgruntled about it now, you've had choices. I also don't get why he is cross, sounds very childish but this time of year often brings out the worst in people.

There are still three full days to go before the big day so suggest a few things to your husband.

Would you if treated like that? Am I the one to blame then?

Everyone has to be busy if my DP is busy. He forgets I've been running round all dat, whilst he's been on his arse watching TV.

Well next time you catch him on the sofa on the phone do exactly the same but more exaggerated - hands on hips, eyes rolling etc and he might get the message

"anyone else have this"

Nope - single for 15 years and happy!

Dont bother if it’s such a chore. Let him take her and you can relax.

He's been a bit childish, but it's hardly a LTB moment is it?! So funny that people have jumped to this!

There's just too much pressure atm all round at this time of year - most likely you're both just stressed and knackered, with the expectation that everything is super sparkly and magical. As such, the likelihood of both of you not being your best selves, is higher. Loads of people end up rowing this time of year as a result. It's annoying, but I wouldn't read too much into it.

Sorry probably not what you want to hear but in my experience once a dynamic of resentment and 'vs' instead of 'partners' sets in, it's really hard to turn back around to something more positive.

If he's just having a bad day then it might be something you can discuss and move on from, but if he's really started to believe you are somehow taking advantageit's s going to take a lot of reflection/work on his part to change that mindset.

Tell him it's a good thing the Elf is around to get Christmas sorted, cook, clean, do his laundry, etc. Suggest to him he needs to get that little guy a really nice present.

Pressure - on whom?

The man doesn't cook, clean, or parent much. He's not the one organising Christmas.

Anyone else have this

No - my DH & I have been cooking companionably side by side all day in the kitchen as DDs, partners and grandchildren all arrive tomorrow. He also did a lot of cleaning yesterday while I made up the bedrooms. He is always fantastic at everything domestic

No. My husband got up at 6:50am this morning to take in our two Xmas food shops, put it all away, cleaned the bath and then put a wash on. I got up at 9am after a long week with poorly kids. I was greeted with a cuddle.

Not all men are like this. You don’t have to put up with it.

High five him with a perky 'Atta boy' when he comes in.

Next year, offer to swap roles. He can do Christmas and you'll clear up the garden.

Yes, of course! Don't you know that everything a man does is WORK and/or ESSENTIAL, while anything a woman does is a HOBBY and/or TRIVIAL?

Childcare is a woman's pastime, it pleases her to do it. Family entertainment is a woman's talent, it brings her satisfaction. Cooking is a woman's creative outlet, it makes her life worth living. Housework and laundry are women's hobbies. A part-time job is a little something to occupy her empty mind. All women love shopping of any type. See? You never work or do anything that really matters. You just please yourself, day in, day out.

My favourite example of this is The Shelf (not the elf shelf, that creepy fucker can get in the bin). Man puts up a shelf. It takes him from 20 minutes to a few hours. He stands back, gives it a good shove, announces "That's not going anywhere!" Places spirit level upon shelf and calls wife to admire The Shelf's perfect alignment at 90° to the Earth's gravitational pull, invites her to test its sturdy fixation.

Every so often, when The Man passes The Shelf, he admires its excellent workmanship. He takes rightful pride in his skilful contribution to an orderly household. This goes on for maybe 15 years.

His wife arranges things on the shelf, puts things on and off the shelf, dusts them, wipes the shelf's surface and gives it a deep clean once or twice a year. She does these things daily or weekly - and nobody notices. The Man's Shelf stands as proud testament to his one hour's work, year in, year out. The wife's continual shelf maintenance? Nada. Zilch. Doesn't matter.

OP, I think you need a Serious Talk about the fair distribution of labour. If that doesn't work, send him back to the Victorian age by himself and hire a gardener.

Hmmm I’m on the fence. If he’s been outside doing physical jobs and you’ve been doing baking, crafts and ‘elf on the shelf’ I would probably look at you cosy indoors and feel like I’d had a harder morning!

Only you know if this head-shaking is a one-off.

I am assuming he works full time and goes garden and other sorts of maintenance and you work part time and cover more of the housework and DD needs. That feels fair to me.

THIS!!!

He deserves to be made fun of.

I think I’d wait until after your DD has gone to bed and then, very calmly, ask him what this afternoon was all about. The last thing you want is for it to disintegrate into a row that wakes her up. Don’t interrupt him; let him get it all off his chest. Tell him he’s right, he has worked very hard in the garden today. So would he like to compare jobs over the last couple of weeks, compared to available down time, so you can both be happy that the division of labour is fair? Obviously he works longer hours than you do, so you’d reasonably take on a bit more there, but it’s only fair to him that you have the same amount of down time once 5pm comes and you both clock off, so let’s examine exactly who is still working in the evening while the other is sat on their arse relaxing.

Obviously you’ll need to still include optional activities like the Elf stuff, because that’s part of being a parent and not something that you’d choose to do if it wasn’t for your DD. After all, you want him to get the credit for all the things he does with and for your DD, like taking her to activities and sitting with her while she reads etc, so it’s important that that’s included in the list too, in addition to the household jobs.

And then let that list speak for itself. If he has the brass neck to even look sideways at you while you’re doing the lion’s share of running a home, remind him he has a wife, not a housekeeper come nanny who he has sex with, and that if he wants to swap roles to do everything you do, to the same standard you do it, you’re happy for him to try. And if he doesn’t want to swap roles, then he needs to appreciate how lucky he is to have a wife who doesn’t feel disgust and contempt for him for being such a lazy bastard at home.

Go and lie on your bed where he can't see you.

No as I wouldn't put up with it. What you allow will continue.

What a cunty bloke. Just shake your head sadly back at him. Show him what a twat he is and that he does not shame you, only himself.

Some men are totally blind to all that goes on around them. It is like there's a laundry fairy, an elf does the ironing, a gnome cooks and cleans and we women sit on our arses all day!
I could swing for my OH sometimes............he will wait until I get up to prepare dinner and then hover in the kitchen watching me.......not learning owt, just watching 😳

I'd write a list of all the things you have planned this next 3 days and tell him he can do them. 'Seen as you think I'm not pulling my weight, clearly these things I had to do these next 3 days, won't be a problem for you'. And mean it. He foes them, correctly, or you leave him.