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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry at DH?

70 replies

Carla11 · 21/12/2024 12:14

Every Christmas I am solely in charge of buying presents.
Now my DC are older it is so much harder.
They never really know what they want but most of the things they do want are quite expensive. So instead of the pile of presents they got when they were small ( that I could bulk out with colouring books etc) they only get a few gifts and I like to make them special.

I had ordered some trainers for my DD that I know she would love. But I got the wrong size, ordered the next size up and need to return the first pair but do have 60days.

DH going to the post office this morning and DD was in her room getting ready to go out.
He shouts out to me "have you returned the trainers?"

Aware that DD was here I just replied that I have. He then keeps shouting "are you sure?"

I quietly go downstairs and tell him to be quite, that I will do it today and that DD is upstairs.

He then shouts at the top of his voice " Don't be so stupid, she can't hear me! Why do you have to make an issue out of it!!" And slams the door.

DD comes in and asks me what that was all about? I just said nothing and carried on with my jobs.

Im just upset that it's always down to me to get presents and now out of a few gifts she has got she knows what one of them are.

But apparently I'm in the wrong for shutting him down??

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 21/12/2024 12:15

Is he always this much hard work?

Theunamedcat · 21/12/2024 12:16

He is an arse

Dramatic · 21/12/2024 12:18

He sounds like a child, why is he trying to ruin the surprise?

username299 · 21/12/2024 12:22

Does your husband run a small country? Why doesn't he have time to discuss his own children's presents and shop online?

It's a storm in a tea cup and she obviously didn't hear what was going on or she wouldn't have asked. Instead of simmering with resentment why don't you get your husband to pull his weight?

Donttellempike · 21/12/2024 12:26

Carla11 · 21/12/2024 12:14

Every Christmas I am solely in charge of buying presents.
Now my DC are older it is so much harder.
They never really know what they want but most of the things they do want are quite expensive. So instead of the pile of presents they got when they were small ( that I could bulk out with colouring books etc) they only get a few gifts and I like to make them special.

I had ordered some trainers for my DD that I know she would love. But I got the wrong size, ordered the next size up and need to return the first pair but do have 60days.

DH going to the post office this morning and DD was in her room getting ready to go out.
He shouts out to me "have you returned the trainers?"

Aware that DD was here I just replied that I have. He then keeps shouting "are you sure?"

I quietly go downstairs and tell him to be quite, that I will do it today and that DD is upstairs.

He then shouts at the top of his voice " Don't be so stupid, she can't hear me! Why do you have to make an issue out of it!!" And slams the door.

DD comes in and asks me what that was all about? I just said nothing and carried on with my jobs.

Im just upset that it's always down to me to get presents and now out of a few gifts she has got she knows what one of them are.

But apparently I'm in the wrong for shutting him down??

Obviously deliberate on his part. He is hard work.

My guess is he can’t stand attention on anyone but him. I have an ex like this. 🙄

Original poster
Carla11 · 21/12/2024 12:30

jeaux90 · 21/12/2024 12:15

Is he always this much hard work?

Yes, this is just the tip of a very big iceberg!

OP posts:
applestewing · 21/12/2024 12:32

I’d return him, sounds like the wrong size trainers would still be more useful than he is

BilboBlaggin · 21/12/2024 12:36

I had one of these. He was as surprised as the kids when they opened presents as he had no idea what was in them. As well as the buying being my job, he also refused to help with wrapping. I can recall one Christmas Eve having to wait until kids were fast asleep and then having to tackle the wrapping while he buggered off to bed. It was after midnight by the time I finished, and kids were toddlers, so you can guess who was up early with them.

Original poster
Carla11 · 21/12/2024 12:37

He's just got back, I said I can't believe you did that.
He replied " Why do you have to keep going on and on?"screaming in my face.
Ive had enough

OP posts:
Donttellempike · 21/12/2024 12:39

Give yourself a merry Christmas by getting rid of him x

Pigeonqueen · 21/12/2024 12:39

Carla11 · 21/12/2024 12:37

He's just got back, I said I can't believe you did that.
He replied " Why do you have to keep going on and on?"screaming in my face.
Ive had enough

Screaming in your face is abusive and you need to leave.

FeralWoman · 21/12/2024 12:50

So you were upstairs and he figured that you would hear him but DD, who was also upstairs, wouldn’t? How the heck does that logic work?

Can you return him to his parents or donate him to somewhere that needs shouty angry men?

JustWalkingTheDogs · 21/12/2024 12:54

I think I'd ask him for a divorce for Christmas. Tell him that this year, rather than smellies that's what you want

ginasevern · 21/12/2024 13:23

He sounds like a right gobshite. Are you in a position to leave?

Original poster
Carla11 · 21/12/2024 13:31

ginasevern · 21/12/2024 13:23

He sounds like a right gobshite. Are you in a position to leave?

Not yet, I've definitely had enough though :(

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 21/12/2024 13:34

He was just a bit thoughtless. This really is a non issue. She didnt hear, he didnt bean to spoil the surprise.

Its all ok. Move on. open the sherry

Owly11 · 21/12/2024 13:44

Excuse me? He was screaming in your face? He sounds absolutely deranged. You need to get out as soon as you can.

Pixiedust1234 · 21/12/2024 13:54

Carla11 · 21/12/2024 12:37

He's just got back, I said I can't believe you did that.
He replied " Why do you have to keep going on and on?"screaming in my face.
Ive had enough

https://www.gov.uk/divorce/file-for-divorce

Under £600 for the actual divorce. Sorting out the house/finances will probably require a mediator or solicitor which will cost more. But hey, give yourself a lovely present this year - you are worth it Flowers

Get a divorce

Check you can get a divorce, agree or disagree with a divorce application, what to do if your husband or wife lacks mental capacity.

https://www.gov.uk/divorce/file-for-divorce

Original poster
Carla11 · 21/12/2024 15:29

Thank you all so much for your replies, it confirms I'm not overreacting.

He's gone out, we had a huge row. I said regardless of the present stuff I didn't like the way he spoke to me.
He replied that I speak to him like that all the time!
I don't, that's his usual defence. I looked up DARVO which explains how he is. I just don't know how to react to him?

I can't leave yet, lots of reasons. I just need to find a way of dealing with him.

OP posts:
Donttellempike · 21/12/2024 15:40

Maddy70 · 21/12/2024 13:34

He was just a bit thoughtless. This really is a non issue. She didnt hear, he didnt bean to spoil the surprise.

Its all ok. Move on. open the sherry

As wrong as a very wrong thing

Donttellempike · 21/12/2024 15:40

Carla11 · 21/12/2024 15:29

Thank you all so much for your replies, it confirms I'm not overreacting.

He's gone out, we had a huge row. I said regardless of the present stuff I didn't like the way he spoke to me.
He replied that I speak to him like that all the time!
I don't, that's his usual defence. I looked up DARVO which explains how he is. I just don't know how to react to him?

I can't leave yet, lots of reasons. I just need to find a way of dealing with him.

Grey rock. Just do not react.

Planesmistakenforstars · 21/12/2024 16:27

It's shit to have to spend part of your life just hanging in there because your "partner" is a prick. But you don't have to deal with him or give him any of your attention, because he is not worth it. Go grey rock. Ignore him and stop doing anything that isn't for you or the kids. He is nothing, so treat him that way.

Original poster
Carla11 · 21/12/2024 16:28

Donttellempike · 21/12/2024 15:40

Grey rock. Just do not react.

Show quote history

How do I Grey rock?

His dad is the same to mil, she just sits and takes it. I feel he should be called out but when I do he just shouts louder and says I'm overreacting AGAIN!

OP posts:
Donttellempike · 21/12/2024 16:31

As PP have said. Just do not react. And then leave 💐

SauvignonBlonk · 21/12/2024 16:31

He sounds awful.
New Year’s resolution can be to get rid of him.