To think that Christmas is just a nightmare for a lot of people.

[MrsSlocombesCat]

I have struggled this year to afford presents and as far as I am concerned Christmas is for children. I can’t be arsed with it all. I keep thinking about all of the people who can’t afford to buy presents for their kids and how it distressing it must be. I think parents on UC should get a decent bonus so they can buy presents for their kids. It really upsets me that there are children who might not get presents on the day. Everything is so expensive now that the cost of living crisis has caused. I thought life would be better under Labour but they’re doing nothing to help disabled people. I had never heard of a right wing government getting into people’s hearts and minds like they’re doing today. So many gullible people.

@wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting

You can cut gift giving right back. I have. I only buy for my adult children now. I will tip my hairdresser and the lady who does my nails.

It's a nonsense. Giving a gift of a roughly approximate value to the gift that they are going to give you. CBA.
*
Exactly
You have to cut your cloth...
It really is a choice.
A nice meal - doesn't have to be that expensive or fancy - but yummy , nutritious food.
Shared around the table with family/ friends- even if just the 2 of you
Minimal presents (children only)
Love and laughter all free.
I can remember one Christmas we had to cut right back - and we (including the 4 kids) had one of the best Christmas' of all.
It was about togetherness and relaxing - switching the world off for abit.

For me it's just another exercise in trying to keep everyone happy and failing. And I'm not even taking about gifts. It's the having to go and see family etc and spreading yourself so thin.

Just stick to your no present rule - for all.
This year I've not bothered with cards -,apart from 4 aunts over 80
Felt a bit odd - but no one's bothered.
Give a visit - make a five minute call, chat pleasantly to checkout staff/ dog walkers / the bin man.
Pick up a bit of shopping for a neighbour
Spread joy that way without all consumerism.

Just say no.
Spread your family visits out throughout the year.
Quick call/ face time Christmas Day - then relax at home with a sherry and yummy food.

Another thread said 90 % of issues could be solved on mn if the person just said No.
this is definitely one of those times.

My mum was only saying that it’s a whole lot of hard work for women. Shopping, presents, clean house, get food, cook dinner. Clean up afterwards. Serve everyone on the day. Breakfast & dinner. And everything else…

Meanwhile, most men are in the pub having a laugh. On the day itself, the only concern of my dad & BIL is which wines & craft beers they’ll choose. What to watch on telly. I come from a patriarchal household, typical of where I live.

I don’t want to mirror this for my son. But the fact is, I’ve dine most of it, and will be working & getting the house ready until the last minute. And doing the presents on Christmas Eve. DH is doing the bird. But he has Man Flu, too!

There was a double Children’s Allowance (monthly payment to all parents, where I live) this year (Nov & Dec). I agree with it.

Well you don't have to. Me, DH & DS stay home Christmas Day just the 3 of us. Me and DH always book a day off to do shopping early December, wrap presents over a takeaway and order the food shop together and then have an easy meal on the actual day and just enjoy spending time together. We don't do mountains of presents, we see family ideally during the time off work, but if not we face time and we see them throughout the year anyway. We didn't have big christmasses growing up because of money, now we are fortunate enough to not be in that position but don't see the need.

I think parents on UC should get a decent bonus so they can buy presents for their kids.

so when they get the money do you really think every single person will definitely 100% spend it on Christmas presents for their kids?

I think you're being naive, but well-meaning.

Christmas can be difficult for many people for lots of reasons, but affording presents is far from the worst.

Children do get presents when their parents can’t pay for them. school children were sent home with presents if they are on FSM and there are other charities and food banks that will give children presents.

I am sick of Christmas tbh. I find it stressful and expensive. I am a part of a book club (8 of us) and a women's social club (12 of us) and each year we usually have a lunch for each (£30-£40 each) and everyone seems to have gotten into the habit of buying gifts for each member of the group (£10 ish each). That's nearly £300 on food and crap before you even get to thinking about gifts for the children and family members and the food etc. This year I declined all invitations really really early on (months ago) because I just don't have that sort of cash spare (or anywhere close) and have had people texting to say they will drop my gifts off for me or have left it on the doorstep, which means I feel a social obligation to reciprocate. In previous years I have tried arguing for a secret santa so it's only 2 gifts not 20, but that's gone down like a cup of sick. Everyone is either retired and wealthy or working and relatively wealthy and they all know we are lucky enough to be solvent, but fuck me I don't want to just piss money up the wall on scented candles and scarves. I have an account where I put money away each month to budget for Christmas but even with that I find it all a financial struggle.

Added to that are the family relationship stresses. I have pretty horror-filled memories of childhood Christmases as my mother would freak out at trying to please everyone; her side of the family played mind-fuck games with each other and now I refuse to get involved with all that and only have christmas with my immediate family and DH's family. No massive 'family reunions' as it used to be and certainly no situations where 30 people try to squish into a bungalow and sleep everywhere all on the floor and sofas all in the name of 'a proper family christmas' where no-one really likes each other and the drinks flow as a coping mechanism (and with all the fallout that brings).

So I guess I am pretty bah humbug.

Hppiestwhen I agree totally. I saw on recent thread ,someone on Instagram was saying some families had 100 pounds per child! Crazy.conversely some children had no presents and had to lie when back at school. On the One show this week a chap had a small charity where they helped people with gifts and food .Well done him!

100 presets per child I meant

I have groups of friends who do the gift buying, it does my head in - they say it’s the only time they get presents and it makes them feel all warm and fuzzy - it’s a toil - I don’t feel warm and fuzzy when I buy their gift it’s just another job done - we’re all a bit stupid to buy into this nonsense.

I don't think you are being unreasonable about Christmas being hell. It is way way waaaay over commercialised!! The pressure starts building in September/October and by the time 5th November is over the shops are full in chrimbo mode. It's hard to escape from it. As a parent there is so much pressure and it's bad enough with the day job and daily juggle anyway let alone all this extra crap on top for one Fucking Day. Hyperventilating! My eldest child, I discovered, still has presents unplayed with from last Christmas that they had completed forgotten about, discovered when family member who bought them came over and asked about it. Over £50 for a visit to 'Santa' at a local garden centre and that was one of the cheaper ones! And no end of plastic tat that went to landfill, millions of Christmas lights using extra energy so all damaging the very planet that sustains us. Excessive eating when many if us are already having health difficulties from obesity excessive drinking more health problems, dangerous drivers etc WHY?! WHY do we put ourselves through this utter tripe, it's nothing to do with paganism or Christianity which is where it was spawned. Christianity has dwindled away and churches are largely empty in my area, except for Christmas!! We lie to our kids about isn't the world a jolly place with this fakery. I know my eldest is going to be devastated when he finds out that we move those god damn elves and that Santa is not real. Christmas is just a capitalist wet dream, everyone just spunking money they don't have and others feeling forced or that they are somehow in adequate if they can't afford it. The reality is many people are struggling to put food on the table at all, let alone spend over £100 on one single meal when this could be an entire weekly food shop. I do think you are unreasonable to expect the bee government to resolve the last 13 years of Tory's raising the pigging bank for themselves in a few months. It's going to take more than one term of government to resolve this, I think it could take 3 to 4. If the Tory's are back in they will further bankrupt the country, it won't be worth living here unless you are rich already. Thanks to liz trust I will basically have to pay an extra £600 on my mortgage for the next 5 years. I will still be feeling this at the next election!!!! Meanwhile she swans off with her ridiculous prime minister pension for the rest of her life for less time than a lettuce shelf life in government!!!!!!

Please excuse typos. Felt good to rant! 😁

To be fair, £100 per child doesn't buy much these days, especially once children are a bit older. I spend roughly that and still only stick to the supposedly scroogey rule of one thing to wear, read, want, need, and I don't buy designer gear.
One the books alone was £30, though (new release, so only available in hardback), and once a child reaches adult clothing size at around age 15, suddenly a top is £25, and let's not talk about a pair of halfway decent trainers at £50 at the cheaper end.
Even at £100 per child I still, occasionally, feel mean when I buy them a set of pyjamas to wear because they've grown out of their old one and wrap it up as a present. I'm not on a low income, but I am a single parent, so all my income gets swallowed up by bills I have to cover fully by myself and therefore even buying new clothes is a bit of a special occasion.

So I can fully see what the OP is saying with regards to costs. Yes, there are many ways of having it cheaper. Nothing is a must at Christmas, not even a Christmas meal, but children will get asked what they got and how their Christmas was when they socialise with their peers.

Where I disagree is the concept of a bonus. We need to see benefits for what they are: a safety net that enables survival. As such, they need to be enough that people can pay their bills, but no more. Bonuses come from employers as a "thank you" for hard work, or because the company has done especially well. That some workplaces rely on UC to top up their own poor wages, which don't even enable survival, is a different matter that needs to be addressed with them by the government.

Parry5timesbeforedeath, I don't think you are 'bah humbug' at all. In fact you are realistic and grounded IMO. Why some people feel the need to buy gifts for every friend and colleague they have is beyond me. I would far sooner 'gift' my time and energy into helping someone than spend cash on a present that they will simply shove in a drawer and never use.

OH and I now only buy gifts for grandchildren under 18 and not for each other either. Nor do we buy for our AC.
We are both also in social groups but we never buy gifts for them either - we much prefer to give our time to be available to help any individual who needs it throughout the year and a few of the others in our social groups are of the same mind.

The Christmas card list has been massively reduced this year too.
There is enough pressure on families to clothe and feed their children without the added stress of buying the latest toy/tech gadget/ etc and don't even get me started on the government stopping the WFP!

Glad others agree Christmas is way too much.
Every few yrs would do me.
I have social anxiety disorder so I don't do parties or crowded shops.
When the dcs were little we didn't have much and didn't try to keep up.
I've never understood eating way more than usual the moaning all January you need to lose weight
I've worked the majority of the season providing back to back meals for works do s or family get togethers.
Give me some lights a nice tree and I'm happy.
Just me and DH so not really doing it this year just a hamper I made for DM.

I didn't buy cards either.

YABU.

Christmas is about having quality time with family.

Gifts can be second hand from a charity shop and dint have to be expensive.

A meal also doesn't have to be expensive. A roast chicken with roast veg for a family of 5 is about £12.

Not giving people with no money a bit extra because they ‘can’t be trusted’ to spend it wisely is awful.

Lots of people live below the breadline for no fault of their own - wages not keeping up with cost of living, sickness (have you needed NHS care recently?), unexpected bills.

Being on UC or PIP should never come with a value judgement from society. It’s an excuse not to tackle the real issues which are usually caused a system where the people making all the decisions don’t understand the full implications for society.

I agree everything is expensive and children go without which is heartbreaking.
To give bonuses on UC is ridiculous. What about the people who aren't on uc but are struggling. Who helps them.

You can have my £10 PIP Christmas bonus if you want it. I expect I'll manage without it somehow.

Christmas is about having quality time with family.

Not for some of us it's not. Quality time with my family is not something that is possible and I expect I'm far from alone.
I wrote a post about my Christmas but decided it was too outing so deleted it but just to say it's going to be hell.
I'm caught between a rock and a hard place this year but the rock will almost certainly have been moved by next year and I shall do what I want to do which is totally ignore the whole thing.

Don't think OP will return to this one.