To not let my sister bring her own meat on Christmas day!

[FelizNavidadAmiga]

First off, we are a strictly vegan household for moral reasons. I invited my sister for Christmas lunch as she is recently divorced and has nowhere else to go. I usually put on a magnificent spread with roast vegetables, tagine, stuffed peppers, vine leaves, falafel, home made hummus etc. My sister has just sent me a message saying she's going to bring her own chicken to cook. AIBU to say no way! I don't want chicken cooking in my nice clean vegan oven! Plus the smell makes me feel ill 🤢 I don't want to upset her as she's very sensitive at the moment but surely she can do without chicken for 1 day.

Because as someone else has said further up vegans would expect to be catered for in a meat eating household. So why shouldn't a meat eater be catered for in a vegan household?

My apologies, @FelizNavidadAmiga but “vine leaves?” I’m unfamiliar with those.
We have a vineyard so the only thing I can think of is grapevine leaves - and stuffed with rice and spices they’re quite good. They’re soft and delicious.
But I’m not familiar (I don’t think) with what your vine leaves are.
Could you please explain? Thank you.

It would make us distressed but in a different kind of way.

I doubt the vegans you know perceive their treatment as positively as you do.

Thanks for your apology.

This has already been dealt with many times on this thread. It's not remotely the same.

Come back when you have a serious conscientious objection to the plant based foods you yourself eat on a daily basis.

It’s cruel and unnecessary, too.
I don’t know why people think it’s okay to talk like that. Probably because they’re anonymous. They say stuff online that they’d never have the courage to say in real life.
It’s a reflection on them - not you. ❤️

This. I personally believe you cater for your guests and what they want and you don't impose your food choices on them.

I do get you don't want chicken juices and fat all over your oven but a good compromise would be she cooks the chicken at home and things it with her, and she could then warm in microwave covered so it doesn't get everywhere, if it needs warming.

I also think your Christmas lunch sounds very unchristmassy. I would be super disappointed. Sounds more like a boxing day spread. Why not do a roast without the meat, no meat substitute needed. That's always what I used to do for years when vege. Very tasty and v Christmassy!

your hospitality sounds very begrudging.

On the contrary, I think your special meal idea sounds amazing, as if you have put a lot of thought and care into planning and providing it. So much so, that I’m suddenly thinking what a lovely change it would make and how I wish I could embrace veganism full time.

The problem is how to tell her nicely when she is already feeling fragile and maybe rejected. You are kind to be considering her feelings in that way.
I think you just have to be honest but gentle and say look DS, I know it’s hard to understand an entirely different way of cooking and putting meals together but our reasons for it are genuine and I’m sorry but we just can’t abide the idea of meat of any kind coming into our house at all, let alone being cooked here. We aren’t asking you to adopt the same lifestyle but if you could pause your meat eating just for this one celebratory meal, then we would be really happy to have your company. Please think about it, it’s up to you, no pressure at all, but we would love to welcome you.

I think you should accept your sister bringing something to eat that she’ll enjoy if she’ll be there for more than a couple of hours. Surely you invited her because you want her to enjoy Christmas? Hey having some food she’ll like is part of her being able to enjoy Christmas. You like your food and think it’s lovely - she doesn’t.

It’s fine to say we don’t want meat cooking in our oven, but I think it’s ridiculous to say you can’t eat anything non-vegan because we’re don’t like it.

A vegan diet is incredibly restrictive. This isn’t just one or two things you don’t want in your house (oh we’re a pork free house, we are a nut free home etc) but a wide ranging amount of common foods you are wanting her not to eat in your presence.

I don’t like vegan food. Not that there’s nothing I like that happens to be vegan - but I’m yet to have a vegan meal I’ve enjoyed - usually I go find food elsewhere, but that’s hard at Christmas.

If she invited you to her house do you think she’d be ok if you bought vegan food to supplement what she provided so you knew you had something that met your preferences and needs? If so, then extend the same courtesy to her.

The OP has moral objections.

To bring non-vegan foods inside the OP's house is like insisting on bringing and cooking the bacon for your sandwich in a Jewish or Muslim home.

FWIW I find much of the vegan thinking irrational and totally fucked, but them's the breaks.

I’m not picky. I’ll eat anything and happily clean up afterwards.
I have noticed, however, in almost every thread about accommodating a vegan at one’s home, the host must go out of their way to provide vegan dishes for their vegan guest.

So why shouldn’t the meat-eating guest also be accommodated? Why is this guest any lesser?
It seems to me like one side of this equation expects all the indulging and obliging but is unwilling to return the favour when the shoe’s on the other foot.

It seems highly unbalanced from someone who sits on the outside looking in.

"A vegan diet is incredibly restrictive"

No it's not, and it's not for you to judge as a non-vegan.

When you go vegan, you add foods in, not cut them out.

Read the bloody thread. Your comment has already been made and dealt with, over and over and OVER again. Tedious.

If a vegan said unprompted that they find meat eater's thinking irrational and totally fucked, merry hell would break loose.

You just had to get a dig in.

I’m afraid I might find it difficult to enjoy the spread you’ve described as I do not like stuffed peppers and grape leaves, or tagine, or certain roasted vegetables very much. Perhaps your sister is similar.

I agree with the previous comments that it seems reasonable to allow guests to bring whatever they’d like (including things that you don’t want to eat for moral reasons) in the spirit of being a good host, but I also agree that it’s reasonable to say you don’t actually want the chicken to be cooked at your house.

Speak with her - you know, have a conversation. Tell her you're a strict no meat household. So that's a no to the chicken. But ask her if there's something g additional you can prepare if the spread doesn't appeal. I would hate for a guest to find a meal at mine an ordeal, particularly a Christmas meal

I guess every vegan I know eats amongst non-vegan food all the time. They’ll choose a vegan dish from a restaurant or cafe serving non-vegan food, they’ll use plates and cutlery that have been used with non-vegan food. They’ll sit at the same table as people eating non-vegan food etc. Maybe there are lots of vegans who won’t eat around non-vegans and non-vegan food - it is unsurprising they aren’t many in my community as they wouldn’t be eating lunch with me or accepting invitations to my house or to do shared activities that are likely to involve food consumption.

If the OP is the sort of vegan that won’t share a table with people eating non-vegan food, won’t eat from a restaurant or house that has non-vegan food then that’s very different. If that was the case then I’m completely on her side. But if she’d be ok eating a vegan meal from her sister’s house, or sharing a meal at a restaurant where her sister ate something non-vegan then I think she can manage to accept her sister has a different ethical framework and care that her sister will feel welcomed and enjoy Christmas.

She could give her sister throw away plates and cutlery so her own stuff isn’t contaminated (personally I’d use throw away for everyone cause I’d want her to feel welcome).

Personally, I’d care more about my sister feeling welcomed and loved at Christmas than that she follows my practices. Especially if she has nobody else that cares about including her. I’d not want her to feel that she’s being tolerated out of obligation rather than wanted (although I do suspect that’s the case - as OP isn’t looking for ways to make her sister enjoy Christmas with these restrictions).

I did read the bloody thread.
And all I read was tedious excuses.

Thank you for sharing all your assumptions with me. OP did mention her husband is middle Eastern so it would make sense that they enjoy a lovely middle Eastern spread. It's odd the sister would assume they are having a traditional roast but if this is her first year divorced she probably hasn't given much thought about what her sisters family eat. Hopefully she leaves the chicken at home or finds somewhere else to eat it.

Let her eat the chicken.

I agree with this. I'm sure the food will be delicious, but it's not festive in the slightest. I'd love this food any other day of the year, but not on Christmas day.

I think you should grin and bear it. She's your sister and she has nowhere else to go. She just wants a little comfort and company on this one day.

What's more important in the long run? Would you enjoy your lavish vegan spread knowing your sister was sitting alone somewhere?

Agree 100%, and well put.

Why would she be sitting alone somewhere? Are you assuming OP's sister would put more importance on eating chicken then being with family? OP has no where said her sister is that self absorbed.

Falafel? Home made hummus?
If there is a seat at the table going spare I can come...

Former vegan here (for a number of reasons but militant, rigid vegans pushing their agenda on others and non-vegans believing all vegans are like that certainly played a part in how I choose to live my life).

If I am hosting, I consider all of my guests’ requirements and accommodate accordingly. I don’t push my personal choices on others. Of course she can go without meat but I’m of the opinion that should be her choice.

In my experience, people have very strong reactions being told they cannot have something, enough that they will forever associate vegan food (and vegans) with a “bad meal’/bad experience and be far more reluctant to try/embrace vegan food in the future, whereas if they have something they want and like, they’re far more likely to also enjoy the vegan dishes and might even chose to forgo the meat entirely next time, or be willing to go to a vegan restaurant, etc.

She’s not going to become vegan by force, she’s still going to purchase, cook and consume animal products, but she’s actually not asking or expecting you to do so on her behalf, and I think this is a fair compromise. Dishes/pans/ovens can be cleaned/washed (and food covered to prevent splashes or spills), they won’t be “tainted”.

I mean, from an ethical/moral standpoint, meat is actually only one component to consider - there’s also leather goods/wool/silk/feathers in clothing, for example, animal testing on millions of products, not all obvious or well known, alcohol production (many brands/processes are inherently non-vegan), medications/medical trials to save lives not to mention things like cars/technology (and that’s before you consider human suffering in the production of said goods) - would you ban someone from your home for wearing a leather belt or wearing a particular makeup brand or insist they remove said items before they could come in?