To not let my sister bring her own meat on Christmas day!

[FelizNavidadAmiga]

First off, we are a strictly vegan household for moral reasons. I invited my sister for Christmas lunch as she is recently divorced and has nowhere else to go. I usually put on a magnificent spread with roast vegetables, tagine, stuffed peppers, vine leaves, falafel, home made hummus etc. My sister has just sent me a message saying she's going to bring her own chicken to cook. AIBU to say no way! I don't want chicken cooking in my nice clean vegan oven! Plus the smell makes me feel ill 🤢 I don't want to upset her as she's very sensitive at the moment but surely she can do without chicken for 1 day.

That's exactly the kind of judgement I mean. You wouldn't talk to a vegan like that. But because I have eating disorders it's okay?

The intelligence jibe is just odd. What's that got to do with diet? Technically, I'm academic but I don't know why that matters.

No, you don't understand. One is a moral preference and one is a mental illness. Not a preference on any level. Nobody would 'prefer' to live like this with food.

So many people on this thread have said that 'everyone' can eat falafel and tagine so it's a non issue

I certainly can't eat falafel! Or hummus, lentils, mushrooms or Quorn among other things. It makes a vegan diet quite tricky

I invited my sister for Christmas lunch as she is recently divorced and has nowhere else to go.

I have to admit this didn’t sound like you really want her there, more of a pity / duty invitation? And then you combine it with not allowing her to bring food she likes.

I can understand not wanting meat cooked in your oven but I think you should compromise on bringing pre cooked meat. Otherwise you really are being an incredibly unwelcoming host. “You can come, only because you’re on your own, and as long as we don’t have to make any changes or compromises for you” is basically what you are saying.

If that is the food you eat it is fine. I love meat but I would just say thank you for inviting me.

You really don't know???

Are you medically qualified???

Er - what? I very clearly stated that I do.

Carry right on, I couldn't care less.

Criticising someone who has genuine issues with food is not big or clever.

I usually am not a fan of vegan food but your menu sounds lovely actually. A very nice change from the usual curry or chili suggestions.

I do understand that of all days, Christmas is a very hard day for someone to not have meat but you did a lovely thing inviting your family for Christmas and I don't understand why she wants to bring chicken.

If she'd said something festive like scallops or caviar pr even turkey I would have thought she was trying to hang onto a Christmas tradition but chicken?

Either way, your house your rules so no meat.

Completely understand nit wanting/allow someone to cook meat in a vegan kitchen. I think it’s extremely rude of her to think this is okay. However, I can’t see the problem with her bringing some pre-cooked chicken in a container and putting it on her plate. You can and should control what is cooked in your kitchen, but not what people choose to eat.

I get it. There's a lot of foods I just can't eat either and most of them are on the OP's menu. It sounds like my idea of food hell.

I don't know if the OP's sister feels the same.

And btw I have an MSc with distinction....

You have no empathy for nor understanding of veganism. You are remarkably self-absorbed.

"A vegan would probably have a panic attack and throw up if they had to eat meat" - that's nothing like how it is. Stop seeing the world through your own narrow lens.

Veganism is not accepted. We are catered to in some shops/cafes simply because there is a market for us.

Eating disorders and sensory issues are valid, but you don't need to insult those who you incorrectly assume are getting more acceptance than you to make your point. You have no idea.

These types of people do my head in and I say this as a meat eater. It's just one meal and it's your hospitality. Why can't she just enjoy it without making a fuss ?

People bring food all the time when staying with family at Christmas, don’t they? We certainly do - eg a pudding for our kids as they don’t like Christmas pudding.

You literally called veganism "extreme fussiness" and made really rude and ignorant assumptions about how you think vegans are treated and behave.

You act like we swan around everywhere making demands while meat eaters all bend the knee to us.

You are judgmental as hell.

If you'd made your point about sensory issues and eating disorders without trying to drag down vegans you would have got a lot of sympathy.

I dunno I mean I actually like my sister so if she was going through a hard time I’d be minded to find a compromise at the very least.

Okay, fair enough, thank you; that I will take on board. I live in an area and socialise with group of people where veganism is extremely popular. There are vegans in all my different friendship groups and they happily eat at restaurants and at dinner parties in a wide variety of homes - always happily catered for and respected (even looked up to as aspirations of the 'right/ideal' way to live though the majority say words to the effect of 'I could never do it myself of course but you are amazing'.) So that's the world view I'm coming from/seeing and it does make me jealous. I accept that other people have different experiences.

Your house your rules I'm not vegan but if I was I wouldn't be happy with someone suggesting they bring their meat and cook it she can either eat before or after or not come to yours at all

I called it 'extreme fussiness' in inverted commas in order to make my point. I didn't mean to be rude. I also genuinely believed it would make a long term vegan very distressed and physically ill to eat meat. I apologise that I was mistaken in that. I did say 'probably', I didn't actually state it as fact. And my experiences of how vegans are treated have always been overwhelmingly positive as I've explained. I apologise for being mistaken in that too but we can only say what we know and, if we don't know that it's not true, it will sound like a statement of fact.

I’d honestly acquiesce to most things if it meant my newly divorced sister wasn’t on her own at Christmas. Sometimes this place blows my mind with how utterly mean some people can be.

Exactly this

Thank you for listening.

I always perceived those "I could never do that" exclamations as insulting and was utterly astounded that it is supposed to be some kind of compliment. So those vegans are probably not having a great experience. We're used to gritting our teeth and letting things go.