AIBU to think good friends remember birthdays

[Elizo]

YABU - everyone is different
YANBU - I would expect this

Pressed Yanbu by mistake. Yabu, I never remember birthdays and I wouldn't expect a friend to remember mine. I used to have a friend who was really in to birthdays and came over with flowers and gift for mine. I wrote her birthday up because I wanted to do the same for her. But I really don't care for my birthday or others except children's or family milestone bdays.

It totally depends really. Assuming everything is okay in everyone’s lives, nothing stressful going on, then yeah a good friend would remember a birthday. But it’s so incredibly easy to forget anything in other circumstances.

I can't even remember the date of my husbands birthday unless I look at my calander and I've known him 20 years...

For friends I rely on Facebook to tell me.
Or them to arrange an event and tell me.
No way would I remember off the top of my head.
Could write them down but then I'd have to remember when to look lol!

I do not expect any of my friends to remember the date of my birthday. If I'm planning on doing something I will let everyone know and I'll remind them intermittently leading up to the date.

I do my best but some times life gets in the way. In the last 6 months I have had hyperemesis twice and two miscarriages. I'm sorry but any friends or their children that had birthdays in the summer or the last two months got missed this year. I also missed that a colleague had been made redundant from our company as I had so much time off sick and was struggling to stay afloat.
If it's not typical behaviour maybe give them the benefit of the doubt as they might be experiencing something they aren't ready to talk to you about

@arcticpandas - you can change your vote, if you make a mistake, by clicking on the other option.

Yes I would expect this, but this mn where people are weird about birthdays.

I don't remember many friends birthdays and they don't remember mine. It's not how I measure how good a friend they are lol we are grownups not kids

My best friend of 30 years knows the month but cannot remember the date. No worries, because I am the same.
Who cares, we love each other and buy odd 'I thought of you' present
Such things are not worth agonising about.

It's nice if they do but I wouldn't be offended if they didn't! I forgot my friend's birthday last month and felt awful; I was just very stressed with other stuff.

Yes, it matters to me too.
Extenuating circumstances aside, I expect a good friend to remember my birthday, as I remember theirs, not rely on FB reminders,

I honestly barely remember my own and do not need anyone else to, BUT, if i particularly knew that a good friend felt birthdays were very very important to her, I’d probably try and remember hers! Not because I care about birthdays in the slightest but because I would care about her feelings.

Thanks. Was starting to think I must be weird 😂 I have a couple of very close friends and we always remember each other's birthdays and really appreciate it. I like remembering and it being remembered. To me it feels the same as remembering that of a partner/ close relative with those friends...

does that include partner (if you have one)/ close family?

Birthdays are for children

Too many variables. Often yes, but not always. I’m a good friend but I have ADHD and a lot on in my life. If it’s a day when I have my phone in hand lots and see the calendar notification reminding me at a time when I can send a message immediately, then I will say it. If it’s down to me remembering on my own then I never will, I simply can’t retain that kind of information. I would never be upset about someone forgetting to wish me a happy birthday. People’s lives are busy and it’s not relevant information to most others. If I want birthday parties wishes and a celebration I’ll arrange something myself.

I know the dates of all my good friends birthdays, those that I have had since school, and I will sometimes remember on the actual day but for some reason the actual act of sending a happy birthday often escapes me. Friends that I’ve made as an adult - absolutely no chance.

My birthday is in the summer and growing up rarely had anyone to celebrate with, so I suspect my indifference may have something to do with that.

That said though, I do always buy my good friends birthday gifts but they are normally delivered up to six months late ie when I next see them in person.

I don't think you're weird 😊
A close friend forgot mine this year, it upsets me more that it was months ago and she either never thought about it or has and ignored that fact she forgot

Generally yes, it's nice if friends remember and acknowledge birthdays. But two of my close friends forgot mine this year. One got in touch a few days later apologising but she did have a really good reason why it slipped her mind. The other one still hasn't realised she forgot or maybe just does not give a fuck! 😆 Anyway, I wasn't upset at all. It's really just another day when you're an adult anyway.

I send/give cards and send texts to about 7/8 friends whose birthdays I know - the odd year gets missed if things going on

Of that number there are prob 2/3 I exchange gifts with. They’re all friends I’ve known a long time though - 20 plus years - mostly school or uni when people knew each others birthdays and there were a lot more parties! I’m less likely to know - in fact don’t know - the birthdays of newer friends. And am unlikely to unless they organise a do, in which case I’d bring a card/present.

But - crucially - if those friends whose birthdays I remember didn’t remember mine I wouldn’t mind. Mostly they do, which I massively appreciate, but I really don’t expect it and do it because I enjoy it.

I can't even remember my own birthday half the time. Maybe I can claim adhd as an excuse but I can set up phone reminders. I had a couple good years where moonpig reminder emails triggered me ordering in time. Now I'm skatty with checking my emails so 🤷‍♀️

Those who know me know not to be offended. I generally have an agreement with people not to bother with mine then we are even.

Thank you!

My best friend and I know each other 45+ years. She never remembers my birthday and I always forget if hers is the 10th or the 12th of the month. It doesn't matter, we love each other and will always be bffs.

is that same for close family and partner? Am curious about if all the people saying no are same for family. Weirdly I usually remember friends, but not always family (v big family), although mum/ DS always would..

Only last night when out with 2 close friends (good friends for 14yrs) we were saying that we could never remember the dates of each other's birthdays and we need to make the effort to do so.

I don't think not knowing birthdays means they aren't good friends.