AIBU to think good friends remember birthdays

[Elizo]

YABU - everyone is different
YANBU - I would expect this

I try to remember and acknowledge milestone birthdays, but on the whole i generally just send a text to people when FB etc reminds me. Birthdays and gifts are just not important to me, and I find it a bit off-putting if others place a lot of importance on it. I don't think it means I'm a crap friend, I make plenty of effort with friends and family regardless of birthdays.

I don’t remember anyones even those I’ve known since school, I really struggle with dates, basically fb reminds me.

I try to add peoples birthdays to their contact info on my phone - it then automatically shows up in my calendar

I only know 4 peoples birthdays from memory

I have to admit to not being great at remembering people’s birthdays. I know the birthdays of my family and three or four closest friends and I will always send a present or card but I don’t have the bandwidth to recall the birthdays of everyone in my wider social circle. I have enough to remember without this.

People also vary hugely in the emphasis they place on birthdays: some people make a very big deal of them and others barely acknowledge them. I am fairly chilled about people forgetting mine.

Why? Do you stop having them once you reach adulthood? 🤨

Do your friends show up for you in other ways? I make an effort to remember and celebrate birthdays (all saved in my phone calendar with reminders before - I only started this after one friend told me how much it meant to her to have her birthday celebrated) and it's lovely when other people do, but I understand it's not something everyone cares about. I'd be more bothered about whether a friendship feels roughly equal in other ways

I'm crap at remembering birthdays and I like to think I'm a loyal, supportive friend. I've just got a lot of kids and family that take up all my headspace. I only seem to remember friend's birthdays who I've known for years and years.

I think YABU. I may be biased, because I hate ny birthday and it's important for me never to be reminded of it. But in any case, a good friendship is one where the friends are consistently reliable and helpful, not where they respond to special occasions on the calendar.

I’m terrible at remembering birthdays, anniversaries, anything like that. In the same way that other people are terrible at remembering directions, or people’s names, or recognising faces. I don’t generally bother celebrating my own birthday.

My being shit with special days doesn’t preclude my having close and precious friendships, because those things aren’t all that important to my friends. There’s no value judgement here at all - everyone has different things that matter to them.

I’d say if someone is generally a good friend in other respects, while it may be hurtful and disappointing that they don’t remember your birthday, it doesn’t mean they think any less of you or don’t consider you a good friend.

I think this is one of those things that might fall under the category of different love languages.

I never think about my friends' birthdays. I know the dates of a couple of them, and not others.

I don't know if any of my friends know my birthday.

My closest friend doesn't remember my age or birthday. We are in contact every day.

Birthdays are just not that important to most adults. Personally, I find it much weirder when they make big fuss about birthdays and get grumpy if someone forgets.

I have people in my google calendar. Family and close friends. It's not hard to send a message when I get a reminder (set to come out ar t reasonable time when I usually have time), but it is certainly nice.

Same re relying on fb or an event.

I'm not particularly interested in my birthday and don't expect others to remember it. I don't put it on my fb as I don't want happy birthday messages really. I feel embarrassed if people get me gifts, because I feel a pressure to reciprocate and my disposable income is pretty much spoken for each month on general life activities. I want a nice meal with DH and the Dcs and that's it. Of course i remember my parents and SIL and BIL and my sister and BIL, but that's all.

Children's, DH, siblings, DM

That's it, and it's a WhatsApp saying happy birthday. No exchanging of gifts -other than my children who are primary aged so that would be unforgivable!!!

I remember the birthdays of everyone I'm close to, family and friends. They're in my diary too with reminders in case it's a hectic or stressful time. I love celebrating the people I love being in my life another year. My best friend of 35 years and I have never forgotten each others or our kids birthdays.

I do feel like a bad friend when I forget birthdays but unfortunately, life happens and we are all adults! I forgot my friend's birthday this month but my DM and DFiL were both in hospital and we were getting ready for a big holiday and Christmas at the end of a really bad year. She understood.

I have a good friend who does nut remember birthdays. She gives random presents through the year, I'd always ther fir me, had a worked sense of honour, provides safe advice and a shoulder to cry on, enjoys a curry and a walk in the hills, champions me and has shown me immense loyalty in a couple of nasty situations. I value her friendship every day,

I used to be really good at birthdays in the Facebook years, then I deleted my account and realised the only birthdays I remember are the two friends on Valentine's Day, the one in between Xmas and NYE and the two around my own birthday. I even have to sneak a look at DP's passport every year to remember if it's the 7th or the 9th of his month. Only thing Facebook was good for!

I can't guarantee i remember every person i know birthday nor do I expect everyone to remember mine

No I don't remember the dates and expect to be reminded by them or Facebook.

It has nothing to do with me not valuing the friendship.

I would always make a point of prioritising celebrating with my friends on their birthdays and buying them gifts.

I always remember close family and friends that I have had for a very long time. My memory isn't as good as it used to be and I struggle to remember birthdays of newer friends.

Some people are very good with dates. Some people are not. This doesn’t affect the quality of their friendship.

It’s tricky, if it’s important to you then it’s important to you but please don’t think people don’t care if they forget.
I am awful with dates generally, I just about know my own and DDs!
I do have one close friend for whom birthdays mean a lot and so I have reminders set in my calendar and moonpig notifications turned on so I remember to send her something.
We’ve been friends for 30 years and without looking it up, I still couldn’t tell you when it is!

Honestly, I think you need to adjust your expectations and be a bit more understanding to your friends. If you're going to get upset by that (and still hold a grudge months later), the only person responsible for that is you.

For most adults, birthdays are not that big a deal and are only really celebrated among close family.

Everyone's different when it comes to birthdays. I have friends who make a real fuss of me on my birthday and I have other friends who never remember and don't expect others to bother with their birthdays.
One of my closest friends just doesn't do birthdays, doesn't remember, doesn't send cards. She's always slightly surprised that I bother to send her a card. She sometimes sees that it's my birthday on Facebook, and then she'll message. You know what? I don't mind at all. It's just not important to her. She's an absolutely brilliant friend in every way, and I love her.