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Original poster

To be fucking heartbroken

101 replies

notamerrychist · 20/12/2024 11:02

So my husband of 2 years, together for 6 had his Christmas night out last night and stayed in a hotel around 40 mins away from home as the party was closer to his work so he was staying over and then just driving straight to work this morning.

We share an iPad and the account is linked to the account on his phone. This morning I found that he was watching porn, I don't care for this although it's a bit gross to do it at work but nobody else would have been around him at least. But he had also been searching for an escort in the same town as his work.

This has made me feel sick to my stomach. He used to work away for years so now all sorts of things are going through my head. I confronted him and he tried to deny it and said it was just an ad on the porn site. and then admitted to googling it but came off. By why even look in the first place unless he genuinely wanted to pay for one? Which is just vile to me.

He's now on his way home from work and I don't even want to see him. Why do this to your wife?

OP posts:
Christmaslover1986 · 20/12/2024 14:07

It would be over for me to. I think the seed is already planted in the mind, searching escorts when he’s had a few drinks away in a hotel room. He may of not actually gone through with it, but the thought and consideration alone would be enough for me to end it.

I truly do not think this is the first time he’s done it unfortunately x I would end it and get a sti check

KezzaMucklowe · 20/12/2024 14:43

I couldn't go back after this either. I'm sorry op. What a shit.

Planesmistakenforstars · 20/12/2024 15:05

He's telling you the most minimised possible version of the truth that he thinks he can get away with. Don't forget that the little worm lied to you at first until he knew he had to admit to doing the search. If you were to find a suspicious transaction/withdrawal that night he will wriggle around and tell you "I didn't go through with it" and other bollocks on and on. And as for why he would throw your marriage away. He won't see it that way, and he also didn't expect to get caught. He will see it as him having a great marriage and also extra sex on the side. He is going to accuse you of being the one who wants to throw the marriage away.

Wheelyfembot · 20/12/2024 15:10

Didimum · 20/12/2024 11:07

Girl, he has 100% done this multiple times before. Get yourself an STD check. Treat yourself as no.1 now – he is scum.

This! My ex husband was caught doing this, he’d been doing it for years, sleazy bastard. Note the ‘ex’.
i guarantee he will try to minimise and I guarantee this is the tip of his perverted, misogynistic iceberg.
Get rid.

WinkyTinky · 20/12/2024 15:15

I caught mine searching up "local shags" as his phone was linked to my son's tablet. His defence was that we hadn't had sex for years, and that he hadn't agreed to his phone being linked to the tablet, as if that's the issue here. Our marriage was already in severe trouble at the time, and will hopefully be coming to an end in the new year. I don't see how you can ever trust your dh again OP, so just prepare whatever you need to move on from this relationship and find someone who you can trust with the rest of your life. He's had his chance.

FoxtonFoxton · 20/12/2024 15:17

Sorry OP. He's disgusting. It would be an immediate relationship ender for me, no question.

BibbityBobbityToo · 20/12/2024 15:20

So sorry OP, this won't be the 1st time either.

If he has ever been with a sex worker or even a chance he had, make sure to get yourself booked in for a full STI health screen just in case.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 20/12/2024 15:21

After 2 years, cut your losses. You'll be doubting him forever now. You don't need that.

BalladOfBarry · 20/12/2024 15:42

One night away and porn and searching escorts? One night. What's he doing for entertainment if he's away a week?

Sorry op.

Is there any way you can go through his finances, time the payments going out with his trips away?

That's if you need to see some proof as he's obviously not going to admit to anything.

Elisabeth3468 · 20/12/2024 15:44

Porn wouldn't bother me , they all watch it. But the searching for an escort would. I'd be done. I could never trust him again.

fruitbrewhaha · 20/12/2024 15:55

MyPithyPoster · 20/12/2024 12:08

How old are you?
As I say that’s what I see now amongst the younger generation of women.
Paying 50% of all the bills, 100 hundred percent of all of the childcare, hundred percent of everything the baby needs, hundred percent of all of the toys hundred percent of all of the clothes hundred percent of all of the soft furnishings.
Expected to be dressed like a Barbie doll, available for sex night and day oh and pull in 100 grand in salary as well.
And they usually look like the back end of a bus themselves these “men”
Once you start you can’t unsee it

Show quote history

Old, late 40s but through my circle of friends/ village know couples in their 30s. Surrey though, no one is a Barbie around here.

lizzyBennet08 · 20/12/2024 16:36

I'm so sorry op. What a absolute dick head

Oreyt · 20/12/2024 17:53

Yes so she looked at the history deliberately. Thought so.

Cm19841 · 20/12/2024 17:56

My ex-husband did this. They always minimize. They always lie. I went through multiple traumatic episodes of discovery. He was scum.

One time I went to meet him, 9 months pregnant for a meal I paid for. The following day I found messages from an escort to him saying he "ran off without paying". No words.

I reflect now I have left, that he is pond life. I was so abused and trauma bonded, plus vulnerable. It took me years to get out.

You deserve better. They are the worst men out there. RUN!

BIossomtoes · 20/12/2024 17:58

Oreyt · 20/12/2024 17:53

Yes so she looked at the history deliberately. Thought so.

You don’t have to look deliberately. If you open a new page in Safari on an iPad it comes up with a list of the previous 50 or so searches. I can see exactly what my bloke’s been looking at that way. It’s come in very handy when buying his Christmas presents.

OrwellianTimes · 20/12/2024 18:02

notamerrychist · 20/12/2024 11:15

I just keep getting "I didn't want to do it I was just looking" back from him. Why would you look if you weren't considering it ....

I don’t want to do drugs. I have literally never searched or tried to find them or looked for them in any way, despite being aware of at least one place locally where they almost certainly can be found.

You only “look” for what you are interested in.

MsNeis · 20/12/2024 19:25

ChateauMargaux · 20/12/2024 11:23

Another normal man with a happy life who will exploit wome 's bodies without a second thought when he believes no one is watching. Porn normalises these actions, thoughts, desires and actuLly fuels and feeds these responses. I do think porn is a threat to your marriage, a threat to women and a threat to respectful interactions between men and women.

My positione is informex by my current emotiinal state. I am shocked by recent court cases in France where I live... where a group of middle aged international rugby players gang raped a woman who woke up with a crutch in her vagina and yesterday 50 ordinary men were found guilty of raping a sleeping woman. Theywould not have been brought to justice had her husband not filmed it all.

Porn is a threat to all women.

Yes, completely agree.
I'm sorry OP, but if your husband watches porn normally, then I'm not surprised at all that he exploits women other ways too.
Get rid of him, and get rid of false assumptions about porn too 🙏

nellythe · 20/12/2024 19:28

I’m so sorry OP. Whether he went ahead or not, it would be marriage over for me.

Oreyt · 20/12/2024 19:29

@BIossomtoes

I've not used my iPad in about ten years.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 20/12/2024 19:38

Get your brother/best friend's husband/ cousin to ring the escorts agency and ask about booking another appointment. Ask if they have the escorts name on his previous booking as he like her again.
If there is a previous booking you will find out. Then cut the call and block.

ParsnipPuree · 20/12/2024 19:38

It so hard for you op, the shock and realisation. I'm sure he'll minimise and do whatever it takes to make you feel secure, but what would you say the chances are of him never again trying throughout your marriage?

If you have children with him you'd be occupied and there's a higher still chance of him doing it then.

Do not have children with this man. At least now, once you come to terms with it, you can leave. With children you'll always be tied to him.

Darkerdreamingdescribe · 20/12/2024 19:47

My now exh omitted to clear his search history which listed ‘Red light area’. I showed him the search and he reasoned that it was the thrill. Young children at the time so let it go. But that and his porn habit did niggle at me. The having to accept it as normal left a stain on the intimacy of our relationship. The children knew he watched porn because he left the channel selected. I became institutionalised to porn and its offshoot. When the children were older and I could work reliably, I did leave him. But I cringe at the memory.

MumonabikeE5 · 20/12/2024 20:04

I suspect getting an escort is part of his routine when working away.
and he went straight to his routine when in a work away situation

its over

Paradisegained · 20/12/2024 20:06

Mrsttcno1 · 20/12/2024 11:16

You don’t. That’s the simple answer. A man on his own in a hotel room doesn’t just “have a look” at local escorts.

Show quote history

This.

If my partner looked for one it would be over totally never mind messaging one

Sassybooklover · 20/12/2024 20:21

The porn wouldn't bother me as such, searching for an escort though would. No one randomly searches for escorts in the local area, for no apparent reason. Why would you need too?! Unless you were at least interested. If your husband worked away for many years, then I certainly would now be thinking, hooking up with escorts within the local area he was staying, is something he did on a regular basis. No matter what he says now, you are going to always wonder, and I'm not sure he would be honest and admit he's a regular client of escorts. If you think there's something there to salvage in your relationship, see if he will attend couples counselling. If not, then you may need to seek legal advice to divorce.

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