Page 8 | DO NOT give your kid a smartphone this Christmas

Firey40 · 2024-12-20T08:54:25+00:00

[[https://www.instagram.com/reel/DDd86TftyNT?igsh=MTZueGVicm1udDllNw%3D%3D https://www.instagram.com/reel/DDd86TftyNT/?igsh=MTZueGVicm1udDllNw==]] The evidence is overwhelming. Their brains are only young once. We might not have known before….. but we know now. STOP GIVING KIDS SMARTPHONES

laveritable · 20/12/2024 11:41

They are very addictive: YANBU

Makemineasoda · 20/12/2024 11:41

Worldinyourhands · 20/12/2024 10:25

It's never going to happen you know. The genie is out of the box. Far safer and smarter to teach your kids how to use tech as part of a rounded and fulfilled life that includes sport and socialisation rather than just ban them.

Best post on the topic IMHO.

u3ername · 20/12/2024 11:42

And gaming is not playing.
And children need to play (overwhelming research on that for anyone who cares to look).

Kibble29 · 20/12/2024 11:42

I am genuinely baffled at how people keep smartphones/social media away from their kids until they’re as old as 16.

I don’t actually have a teenager of my own (though I am a stepparent to two), and I think it’s crazy to suggest that an older kid without Snapchat, insta, Tik Tok etc is going to get on well socially at school.

People will laugh at anyone without a decent phone (or shoes, or haircut…) and not knowing the latest terms/trends is going to isolate them socially.

None of that is right or acceptable, but it’s the way it is now.

Yes, there’s risk associated with social media but the strain on someone’s mental (and physical, potentially) health by being outcast from their peers is huge too.

I think education and moderation is far better than blanket bans.

Startinganew32 · 20/12/2024 11:42

thecoffeewasthething · 20/12/2024 11:35

I feel like I'm reading a lot of defensive posts by parents who feel like they don't have much control over their child's phone use and try to paper over the cracks by telling themselves that their pre-pubescent children are sensible about screen time and that we live in a digital world so there's no point fighting against it.

There is a point fighting against it. I've seen it over and over again with my own dc and their friends. The kids who have phones in primary school have those phones glued to their hands non-stop. They don't know how to play at the park without filming themselves. They message random numbers of adults (my dd's 10yo friend recently messaged me at 8.30pm on a school night thinking it was my dd's number - she doesn't have a phone). They are part of whatsapp groups with unknown members who share inappropriate images - and nobody seems to know who these people are.... These are all primary aged children - the ones whose parents think they are sensible kids.

They are children, who are losing their chance at a childhood spent playing outdoors and learning social skills through face to face interactions. Instead they are all huddled around phones on the playground before and after school.

I know a woman who gave her 10yo a phone and she said it was like a switch flipped - her dd was outdoorsy and loved gymnastics, and quickly became obsessed with her phone and sitting in her room instead. She couldn't quite pull it back and has since given up trying to impose restrictions. It's really worrying and depressing, I've lived in several areas over the years and I see the same patterns over and over.

I was going to type more, but I think there's enough evidence to suggest a smart phone isn't a good idea for a pre-teen or young child, and that social media was never intended for under 16s to access. There are bad actors on the internet who are tirelessly pursuing ways to get into contact with other people's children. That in itself is enough to make me extremely wary...

Exactly. Anyone who says “my 12 year old is very sensible, only goes on it for half an hour a day and isn’t interested in social media” is lying or deluded.

Something like 80% of 11 year old children have viewed hardcore porn at some point. That is shocking and no way comparable to a few smutty magazines being passed around school.

But I’ve been shocked time and again at how negligent some people really are. I know someone who lets her 7 year old daughter have a YouTube channel with no restrictions on who can view it. There are lots of random men following this channel that neither the mum nor daughter knows.

MangshorJhol · 20/12/2024 11:44

My teenager has a smartphone with a lot of restrictions. We have been on holiday this week and the phone hasn’t emerged from his backpack. He has no social media and has no interest in it. He has never gamed. We are a low screen family and there are weeks when our TV is barely on. Given all this I am comfortable with him having a smartphone with appropriate restrictions.

I don’t think smartphone are just the problem. The fact that I see six month olds in strollers glued to a phone, the fact that at dinner in a restaurant every kid has an iPad, the fact that kids these days can’t wait in a 10 min queue without wanting some screen time means that the damage as it were is done LONG before they get to their teen years and are given a smartphone.

Yellow2024 · 20/12/2024 11:46

Just add parental controls. You control how much screen time they receive and what apps they download.

WhiteLily1 · 20/12/2024 11:46

dillonbarks · 20/12/2024 09:37

This is really weird.

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No it isn’t 🤣
Weird means unusual and strange.
The overwhelming majority of parents of under 16’s kids have a tracker so they can see if their child is where they are meant or be and so the child can see where the parent is if they are getting picked up.
You either don’t have older kids or you are a complete social hermit.

FlamingGalaaa · 20/12/2024 11:47

Startinganew32 · 20/12/2024 10:34

You don’t need to be able to track your kids. Jesus. He’s not going to get lost on his way to school. If god forbid he’s one of the tiny numbers of children who get abducted by a stranger, your tracker will be of no help anyway because the abductor will get rid of his phone. It’s totally useless and you can buy a brick phone if he needs to call you.

Exactly

Startinganew32 · 20/12/2024 11:48

MangshorJhol · 20/12/2024 11:44

My teenager has a smartphone with a lot of restrictions. We have been on holiday this week and the phone hasn’t emerged from his backpack. He has no social media and has no interest in it. He has never gamed. We are a low screen family and there are weeks when our TV is barely on. Given all this I am comfortable with him having a smartphone with appropriate restrictions.

I don’t think smartphone are just the problem. The fact that I see six month olds in strollers glued to a phone, the fact that at dinner in a restaurant every kid has an iPad, the fact that kids these days can’t wait in a 10 min queue without wanting some screen time means that the damage as it were is done LONG before they get to their teen years and are given a smartphone.

Okay so evidence that not being on social media is NOT a death sentence in terms of having friends. Shocking.

Some people are saying that you can’t possibly stop teens being on numerous social media platforms (many of which are notorious for being infiltrated by pedophiles) because they will have no friends. And then lots who claim their kids have phones but simply aren’t interested in social media so all the worries are overblown. They can’t both be true.

The majority of teens and pre-teens will find it incredibly difficult to regulate usage of a smartphone. The majority will want to join social media platforms. The majority will not be sensible on them and will risk doing stuff that can have life altering consequences such as sharing nude pictures.

thecoffeewasthething · 20/12/2024 11:48

I don’t actually have a teenager of my own (though I am a stepparent to two), and I think it’s crazy to suggest that an older kid without Snapchat, insta, Tik Tok etc is going to get on well socially at school.

My 14yo DD has watched so much drama and bullying play out via these apps that she's told me more than once how relieved she is that she can 'blame' me for not having access. Her social life hasn't suffered - it has benefitted.

MangshorJhol · 20/12/2024 11:48

I have a teenager without Snapchat, insta, any social media. He has plenty of friends. he’s not socially ostracised. And so although he does have a smartphone he reads a lot, plays music, plays outdoors.

Stuck1001 · 20/12/2024 11:49

Is there a good guide anywhere on which smartphone is the best for locking down so it doesn't have social media etc. and how to do it?

We have already agreed with the DC that if they do get one, the phone is only to be used on their way to and from school/when they are out and need it. They won't have access to it at home and when not needed.

u3ername · 20/12/2024 11:50

Kibble29 · 20/12/2024 11:42

I am genuinely baffled at how people keep smartphones/social media away from their kids until they’re as old as 16.

I don’t actually have a teenager of my own (though I am a stepparent to two), and I think it’s crazy to suggest that an older kid without Snapchat, insta, Tik Tok etc is going to get on well socially at school.

People will laugh at anyone without a decent phone (or shoes, or haircut…) and not knowing the latest terms/trends is going to isolate them socially.

None of that is right or acceptable, but it’s the way it is now.

Yes, there’s risk associated with social media but the strain on someone’s mental (and physical, potentially) health by being outcast from their peers is huge too.

I think education and moderation is far better than blanket bans.

If parents keep standing back and just let children influence children, peer pressure determine the rules and the values, what next?
We are not going to try and stop our dc from using drugs because his/ her friends will bully them?

thecoffeewasthething · 20/12/2024 11:50

Stuck1001 · 20/12/2024 11:49

Is there a good guide anywhere on which smartphone is the best for locking down so it doesn't have social media etc. and how to do it?

We have already agreed with the DC that if they do get one, the phone is only to be used on their way to and from school/when they are out and need it. They won't have access to it at home and when not needed.

This website is a great resource for choosing a phone like that.

Smartphone Free Childhood

Smartphone Free Childhood is a grassroots movement on a mission to keep childhood smartphone free. We want to connect parents in their local communities so that together they can make a pact not to give their children smartphones until at least 14, or...

https://smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk/

WhiteLily1 · 20/12/2024 11:51

OP I honestly don’t know why this is such a problem.
Smart phones can be made as dumb as you want them. You can have a tracker, a text message app and the bus app for example and literally no other apps.
It’s just completely down to parental ignorance. Winds me up so so much.
Parents - if you are giving your kid a smart phone, LEARN TECH. Learn how to put restrictions on. Learn how kids might get around that and stay one step ahead.
Have your kids phone downstairs and night and check it thoroughly.
Honestly it’s really not that hard for anyone with even a moderate IQ. - just requires some time and actual parenting
Sorry to sound harsh but I just don’t get why parents don’t take full control of the phones- then you can have all the tracking and school apps and all the rest of it without the nasties.

FlickeringFairyLight · 20/12/2024 11:51

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RedToothBrush · 20/12/2024 11:52

lemonyellows · 20/12/2024 09:42

You can have smart phones without social media

Careful now. Someone's headmight explode at knowing the difference between the two.

CoffeeGood · 20/12/2024 11:52

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 20/12/2024 11:33

This is the same argument that’s used about dangerous dog breeds. Not the dog but the owner of the dog. Completely forgetting that said dog was bred to fight and said device was developed by incredibly clever people to be addictive.

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It absolutely is NOT the same and I have never, nor would I ever, use the same argument about dangerous dog breeds.

Phones are inanimate objects that can only access what you ask them to. Therefore teaching a child to NOT use certain apps, to NOT accept unknown friend requests and the kind of things that are NOT acceptable to search for negates the danger people are blaming smartphones for.

Using your logic, incredibly clever people have invented heroin and made it addictive. Do you use it? Just because someone invented it? Or were you brought up to know the stuff is bad for you and to not use it? It is addictive if tried, there is no doubting it and there are reasons people end up addicted to it. But the drug itself is not inherently at fault as it is only a problem if a person is involved in the decision making to take it.

WhiteLily1 · 20/12/2024 11:54

u3ername · 20/12/2024 11:50

If parents keep standing back and just let children influence children, peer pressure determine the rules and the values, what next?
We are not going to try and stop our dc from using drugs because his/ her friends will bully them?

Show quote history

Simpler chatting to friends and socialising can hardly be compared to drugs.
Imagine every single friend you knew is socialising on an app that you can’t have. They don’t communicate via any other method. Literally just think of it now. Imagine for example you have no mobile. No telephone at all. Someone comes along and says ok, you have to communicate via postal mail only with all your friends and aquatiences. You would be cut off from everyone.
It’s pretty much that.

smoosmedd · 20/12/2024 11:55

Minesril · 20/12/2024 10:46

No, still planning on giving my ten year old a smartphone for Christmas. He's been perfectly sensible with the 'dumbphone' he's had the past year.

I will be drilling into him about internet safety, including never clicking on random links from Instagram...

10! So irresponsibly

WhiteLily1 · 20/12/2024 11:56

RedToothBrush · 20/12/2024 11:52

Careful now. Someone's headmight explode at knowing the difference between the two.

Show quote history

This 100x

x2boys · 20/12/2024 11:57

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Indeed my son was in DKA on diagnosis it very nearly killed him and it was terrifying this,was two years ago and we were very lucky that he had a Dexcom,fitted within a few weeks
Before that I was getting up several times a night checking on him and he was 16 imagine it's even harder the younger your child is
This technology give ,s us both peace of mind.

MangshorJhol · 20/12/2024 11:58

Yes DH and I are very tech savvy. We keep a close eye on our child’s phone. We restrict screen time heavily. He doesn’t have it overnight. His screen time usage is very heavily restricted. We know what apps he has. We monitor his usage. There is no social media of any kind. Our kids read a lot. They spend a lot of time outdoors. They play music. They are doing exceptionally well academically. And most importantly sans any Snapchat, insta and TikTok they have friends and a social life.

Our approach to this is also guided by our approach to screen time in general. We are very very low screen and this means that we are not doing the thing that my friend is: she’s smug that her kid doesn’t have a smartphone but he games for multiple hours a day, and is hooked to a screen at all hours. It’s just not a smartphone.

Upstartled · 20/12/2024 11:59

Yeah, everyone watched swiped and thinks phones are the devil. Months before that it was the horror of ultra-processed foods. In between we've had mnetters on red alert for ww3, new pandemics, the surge of the far right and, of course, climate change catastrophe.

Do you ever think that it might be us driving kids crazy?