DO NOT give your kid a smartphone this Christmas

[Firey40]

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DDd86TftyNT/?igsh=MTZueGVicm1udDllNw==

The evidence is overwhelming.

Their brains are only young once.

We might not have known before….. but we know now.

STOP GIVING KIDS SMARTPHONES

I really commend you for taking the time to think hard about it. It’s a huge, scary subject.

And to be honest, it would be so much easier to just buy them a phone.

I’ve heard so many times that ‘kids get smartphones at secondary school’, but the evidence is now crystal clear that it is way way too soon.

You know out of all dd14 friends. The only one who lies, slags her mum off, meets boys, chats to boys online, leaves her phone at her friends. Is the mum who checks her phone and doesn't let her go out if her room isn't tidy.

@WhiteLily1

I’ll tell you a story which will answer all
of your questions. This is a real life incident from schools (in fact we see variations of this on a weekly basis)

Kid A has fairly responsible parents who monitor their smart phone usage, limit screen time, no socials apart from WhatsApp (which parents think is safe).

Kid B invites Kid A to a WhatsApp group with a load of school friends and some other kids they don’t know as well. There are students in this group who have unrestricted access to socials, the internet, etc. These children send pornography to the whole group which is then viewed by all the children before they know what it is.

Or (common variation) Kid B knows how to bypass the restrictions on the phone and helps Kid A get round them to view adult content.

Or Kid A adds someone who they think is a friend from school but it’s actually a whole group of kids who are using a fake profile for targeted bullying.

I could go on and on and on. Your kids have seen porn, just accept it. It goes round WhatsApps, they show it to each other. They bypass phone controls for each other.

The questions is not how much your trust your kid and your parenting. The question is how much confidence do you have that everyone else has the same rules and that there won’t be a friend accessing porn to send to your child. It is stupidly common. Most parents are in utter denial about it.

Thing is, technology will move on. 20-30 years ago it was 'video games' that were bad for kids and causing knife crimes and violence. There will always be something that's frowned upon in society, no matter the generation. Making something taboo increases the appeal in my experience, much better to adopt a sensible approach and let our kids use smartphones in moderation- they're part of culture in a modern society, so demonising them doesn't really help.

I’m so sorry. It must be both frustrating and heartbreaking

Dd is a vulnerable autistic pre teen who will be getting the bus alone and that's exactly the reason she won't be getting one. We've already had an incident where a kid in her class tried to film her to take the piss. Do I want them harassing her on whatsapp as well? No.

She will have a dumbphone, she could call if needed, school let you know sharpish if they don't turn up.

Define irony.....

Oh wait!!

My 11 year old DD recently got her first smartphone. We did a lot of research on parental controls beforehand, agreed clear rules and ensured she understood the purpose of those rules and what the consequences would be if she broke them.

She is not be allowed on any social media other than WhatsApp and no group chats unless we approve them.

We insist her phone stays downstairs at night, no phone at mealtimes and we use a parental control app to ensure she cannot use the phone for more than an agreed amount of time per day. Parental controls have also been set up to ensure she can't view websites with explicit content or install any apps without one of us knowing and approving them.

She knows that a condition of having the phone is that we will check it whenever we want to, and we do.

I do think a lot of posters are assuming that owning a smartphone means a child will have unlimited and unrestricted access to the internet and to social media. I work with children in a safeguarding role so I am very aware of the risks around social media and the role that the online world plays in the abuse and exploitation of children. Its something I deal with every day at work and I have seen first hand the damage that unrestricted and unsupervised access to devices can do to children's lives. But even I believe that with the proper controls, monitoring, education and boundaries in place the risks around smartphone use can be managed effectively.

Agree my y8 / 12.5yr old ds dropped and broke his phone over a week ago

Currently has my 11 year old iPhone! The OS it supports isn't high enough for the OS needed for any "modern" app

So he only really has a phone - has to call and text to arrange socialisation

He is a changed child .. just generally happier and more engaging.

Only downside- all his school stuff is on apps so I guess we have to relent before Jan 7th

Really scary though the change

@WhiteLily1 'Firstly, please do tell me how you can access porn when you have no safari, no internet browser, no social media, no ability to access VPN, cannot add apps or change any setting at all on your phone without gaining permission and a parent entering a pass code. Please do tell.'

All I said is children can access porn even if they are not on SM. You have changed my statement quite a bit in order to disprove it.

'Secondary school communicate via what’s app and snap chat now.
They don’t call. They don’t use normal text. For the most part if you don’t have one of these apps, you ain’t speaking to mates outside school, or arranging anything with them, or being part of a group.'

Snapchat and WhatsApp are social media. Strangers can contact you on WA and the reason Snapchat became so popular is because you ca share multimedia and the photos disappear quickly, often very private photos.
I don't know how old your children are but you can't know the content their friends have been sending them, and even whether they actually know all these 'mates' in person.

'As sad as that is, that’s the reality for kids today.
You can go on about the good old days and what kids should do, but I am pointing out the reality - I have 3 teens, who have dozens and dozens of mates and aquatiences. Believe me, I know.'

My dc are much younger but I do think the tide is turning. People protect their children from many things now that weren't seen as harmful at first - like being in the car with no car seat. Sadly, some children will be the unfortunate Guinea pigs before majority of adults have all the proof they need and are on board.

My youngest is 10. He loves to play out every weekend, but his friends houses are quite spread out so if he had to 'call for' his friends without texting first he may have a very long walk for no reason. His phone allows him to text his friends to coordinate meet-ups. He is also able to call me when he's out, or drop a WhatsApp or text, to let me know he's ok, when he'll be back etc.. There are no phone boxes these days for him to put a 10p in and call home, so his phone is handy to keep me in the loop. I can also call him which is useful if I'm running late to pick him up from somewhere or I need him home earlier than we agreed etc..

I feel very safe with him having a phone. He's quite young but has a lot of freedom to play in the village with his friends. His phone has an emergency function on it which if he was ever in danger (hopefully he never will be) he could press to alert emergency services without having to dial a number etc.. it also has a GPS so if he was in danger or lost he could be located.

My son likes to Google things to find answers to questions, and his smart phone enables him to do that. Multiple times a week (sometimes a day!) he says something like 'mummy what's X or y?' or 'why is the sky blue?' or whatever other questions 10yr olds have frequently than I don't always know the answer to!! I can advise us to look at Google together and he searches for the answers to his questions on Google on his phone, then explains the answer to me!

Son also uses his phone to edit videos. He's got some great apps which allow him to create great animations and other interesting videos. He shares them with friends when out and about and sometimes they create animations together and WhatsApp them to me and other parents to show us!

He loves photography and takes loads of photos of wildlife when he's building camps with his friends. Some are pretty good! His smart phone enables his interest in photography and when he gets home from.his adventures he can edit the photos and create some fab pictures!

He can also photograph stuff and use an app to turn those images into a 3D figure which he can print on his 3D printer. It's incredible.

I think phones are great. We just need to be v v careful in how we educate our children about their safety and how we monitor their use.

When I was 10 I didn't have the tech they have now. I had fun outdoors with my friends just as my children do now. But times have changed from the days of the red phone boxes. There is no need to go back in time. Let's embrace the positive changes and look to guide our children in using tech in a safe way to enhance the activities and interests they enjoy.

Here's the evidence.....
https://smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk/the-problem
My 10 year old son walks to school without a phone or a tracker. That level of surveillance is unhealthy and unnecessary. Parenting in this country has gone badly wrong.

Your son is 10 so I doubt he goes many places without you.

We r all different and we all parent differently. My children are absolutely fine using phones and other tech. For my particular children, there are lots of benefits and hardly any drawbacks. It's my choice to allow my children access to tech. It's your choice not to allow access for your children. Why can't we just respect each others choices and accept we all parent differently and that's ok?

At 10, I'd disagree. My child was not allowed to do that at 10 years old.

Both my DC (now 15 & 13) have had smart phones since 11. Both are doing very well at school and focused on their sports hobbies.

Over the years there have been issues with school WhatsApp group chats, online bullying, inappropriate content shared, staying up too late on their phones. DH and I have had to actively parent that, but DC are now pretty responsible with their phones and general online activity. Neither are that bothered with their year group chat - DS Y11 chat is reserved for homework issues and worrying about GCSE’s. DD Y8 chat can get out of hand still - generally the kids who’ve only just got their hands on a phone and think it’s hilarious to post hundreds of poo emojis followed up by some random, out of context swearing. DD thinks they’re a bit immature.

She’s had a bit of online meanness but every time that’s happened, she’s come to me and asked for help and advice on how to manage it. She frequently steps in if she sees unpleasant comments online directed towards others. DS tells me by Y11, it would be really frowned upon to be a dick online. DH and I (as well as school) have had to invest a lot of time in teaching DC how to behave responsibly with phones, but from what I can see, it was time well invested.

We have taken this approach. I hope the tide is turning but it hasn't in time for my DC so we have allowed the smartphone but its heavily restricted for now and doesn't get taken to school / activities.

I do get annoyed by all the talk of smartphones being the problem - its what access it gives them surely and I know many who are against smartphones but the kids have free access to a tablet. It's social media surely, not the phone itself

DS is 17 and uses his phone a fair bit but passed all his Highers in S5. He was aware that during study leave he had to put his phone in a different room, and get on with revision.

I agree with an above poster who said you can't constantly police everything they do, you need to give guidance and for me the most important thing is to check in regularly with mental health and how your teenager is doing.

DS 9 is asking for a phone, however we have said only at home to listen to music. No SM or anything else like that, there's no SIM card in it. Only music and some basic games it is used for. I don't allow Roblox, but they do get to use a Switch console to play video games.

My eldest got a phone when he was 11/12yo for the start of high school. He's had almost six years of using a smart phone and I don't think it has adversely affected him. He has passed exams, learns to drive, he got himself a part time job over the summer which he enjoys etc.

I mentioned it on another thread last year, but DS has an Ipad issued by his school and in class kids were Airdropping images that were disturbing that you can't unsee.

That's nothing to do with parents, that's during a school day whilst kids are being educated! That's nothing to do with smartphones but still a concern for parents.

Yeah and I'll deal with that when she's 14

I agree

It isn't a separate issue because if you took the phone away, they'd replace it with something that plays music and be equally distracted, as they were before smart phones.

Mine didn't get phones until this year when they turned 16. They didn't moan or rail against it. They fu too ed perfectly well too.
Apparently this is impossible, so impossible that I am lying about it according to MN the last time I commented on a phone thread .

Or maybe I just say "No" and mean it.

The level of denial of this thread is outrageous. ‘My DC was fine so phones are okay’. I think schools should start openly publishing anonymised versions of the incidents that occur because of phones and social media. Each school has hundreds every week. Thousands nationwide every day.

It is like alcohol and smoking and all the other addictive, damaging things children are already not allowed to do. Except this time parents aren’t keen for change because it will mean they’ll have to actually interact with their children and get off their own bloody devices! It’s child neglect and I think parents should be prosecuted for neglect if their child has been found to be accessing hard porn or the dark web.

Yes. I’d be really interested to see if there are any professionals on here who work day in day out with teenagers who can say hand on heart that mobile phones (or whatever other device) haven’t impacted children’s lives negatively.

I’m sick of parents saying “oh but not my child, s/he only uses it to learn the ukele and discover more about quantum physics” - yes, your child. If not proactively then by default through someone else showing them something they should never have to see.

The whole point of this thread is that it has to be a collective thing. Some parents are great at policing their child’s phone use but many are not. And it doesn’t matter a jot if you’ve put every control in possible, friends’ parents won’t have. So they will still be exposed to shit.

The workload of teachers is through the roof. Part of that is dealing with behaviour instances solely caused by mobile phones.

So depressing that it seems such a large proportion of parents on here still don’t get it.