DO NOT give your kid a smartphone this Christmas

[Firey40]

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DDd86TftyNT/?igsh=MTZueGVicm1udDllNw==

The evidence is overwhelming.

Their brains are only young once.

We might not have known before….. but we know now.

STOP GIVING KIDS SMARTPHONES

It might not be the same as heroin, but you are still sending them the message that the important thing is to fit in and be like their peers, even if what their peers are doing is dangerous, harmful, or doesn't fit with the values they've been raised with.

I worked with a woman a few years back who had all sorts of opinions about tech, gaming etc., but said that she put all that aside to make sure her son had exactly what the other children had in order to make sure he wasn't socially excluded. This kid had all the personality of mashed potato and had learned that being determinedly average by every metric was the goal in life.

We all grew up with friends who had different rules to us. Do you not remember "But all my friends are allowed to stay up late/ watch insert inappropriate film/ go into town without a parent! It's not fair!" and your parent telling you, "I don't care what your friends are allowed to do, it's my job to make the rules for you," or something similar?

I laughed out loud....thank you @Christmasgiraffe

My son is 12 and in year 7 and has a Nokia 3210. We live in London and he's walked to school on his own since mid year 5. I'm fine not tracking him as I'd prefer him to communicate with me...however I might change my mind when he's going further away than 1 tube stop. I hope not though, genuinely not sure what tracking him will help or change. I defo felt worried the first time he walked home from the busy tube station across a big junction after the clock had changed and it was dark. He has an Oyster card (as Tfl website STILL down for 11-15 photocards) and a bank card, and so far he's fine using those. He did call from the tube station with his oyster having run out this week, but talked him through topping it up and he was fine. So far he's ok using sms to make plans to meet with friends and go to the park . Just trying to take it one step at a time. Most kids in his year have smartphones, but not all, so that helps. I think it will all feel very different in a few years.

More and more is being pushed to phones - bus and train tickets and timetables here - thing my teens use to get out and about under their own steam.

I am not sure I'm quite so keen to have everything pushed to phones but that's the way it's all heading.

Ours got them when they started secondary - kids without did get isolated a bit - but ours got them with parental oversight that lessened as they aged.

There was a thread recently that we shouldn't leave home with smart phones in case they got nicked - I wonder what kind of lifestyle some on here are living - even my 75 year old Mum had to use a smart phone for GP related things and for parking apps in her local area.

Plus we've taught our kids about reliable sources and how to evaluate what they see on-line - and they'd know to be wary about Instagram reel being used as overwhelming evidence.

But I’ve already wrapped it!

I agree. It's the latest thing to virtue signal on.

And what has made me laugh hardest about this with discussions with other parents is the lack of understanding over the difference between social media (and it's various forms) and smart phones.

The parents saying 'my child isn't going to have a smartphone' are also the ones that give their kids unsupervised access to YouTube and have done for several years (they are now 9 or 10). And they are the ones with Roblox accounts on their own tablets. And they are playing age inappropriate computer games.

The kids themselves are the ones most obsessed with being cool and having the right brands.

It boggles my mind.

They are utterly utterly clueless.

Knowing the parent they will crack within about two weeks of high school. And then not bother to parent or monitor anything.

And I think that's what it comes down to - not wanting to parent sufficiently.

Well I have for DS - 17 as he getting his Dad old one which is an upgrade on his current one which he'd had for years. So he can head off to uni with a better one which will hopefully see him through Uni and then he can get his own phone.

My kids have had smart phones since y4. It means they can go and about, catch bus, check timetables for public transport, stay in touch with family who live hundreds of miles away. It gives them freedom and keeps them safe.

Children managed to do all those things before smartphones.

Apple Watch as an alternative?

Not only is the genie is out of the bottle now in terms of 'fun' stuff you can do with phones, it's almost impossible to function without a smart phone now. I'm afraid that this is something that just has to be managed.

DS is now 25 so we didn't have the same pressures when he was younger. He didn't get a mobile until he was 13 and only then because he had to have it for school. We got him the Nokia 3210, which he used for a couple of years until DH gave him his old work Samsung. When things got out of control we had to switch off the wifi a few times (no mobile signal) and now he manages very well, and consciously limits his screen time.

It's an effort to monitor this stuff, to install what parental controls you can and keep an eye on what's happening but this needs to be done.

Actually the best lesson is to watch your own screen times and set a good example!

There used to be bus timetables in bus shelters there not round here any more - they expect you to use the app. They only take exact cash - which if you don't know fare can be a pain - and cheaper ticket are frequently available only on app.

I personally prefer a train ticket - but you can get phone tickets and the barrier at station near us is quicker than ticket ones.

My Mum used to be able to pay for parking with notes and coins - or at least card now many of the car parks near her local town are app only.

More and more is pushed onto phones - and people harking back to how it used to be - look a bit out of of touch.

My dd12 is also learning Japanese on Duolingo 300+ day streak

Smartphones are inherently bad. The apps which form 90% of our use are designed to capture our attention for as long as possible and to manipulate our brain processes and emotional responses so that we use check them constantly. For adults they may now have the status of a necessary evil, but for children they are just evil. And that’s before getting into how they disrupt sleep, distract from development of hobbies and interests, etc etc

Not all social developments are net positives.

Take a look at Dr Martha Psycologist and the Brain Doctor on Instagram. Both of them discuss the program the insta post references and provide a balanced and scientific view.
Edited to add, some of the downsides can be mitigated by monitoring and paying attention to your children and what they what. Instead of letting children have free rein and access on ANY device.

My DC are 10/11 and have a watch which you can programme two numbers on. Had a GPS but can't access online content

Duolingo is brilliant.

DS loves it.

Giving unrestricted access to YouTube is a bad idea, as is giving 10 year olds smartphones. It’s not either or. Unless of course you restrict the apps etc they can use to such a huge extent … and if you are going to do that then what’s the point of the smartphone? Just give them a dumb phone/watch and an hour or whatever of monitored YouTube use on a parent’s IPad or computer each day.

Giving kids pocket computers to carry around 24/7 which are literally designed to be as addictive as possible and then expecting your 10 or 11 year old to “understand the issues” is laughably naive. And that is of course backed up by the facts whereby British teenagers are averaging around 9 hours of screen time a day. They are hopeless addicts before they even reach adulthood.

I never said they were - but it is the way things are going.

My dd12 is also learning Japanese on Duolingo 300+ day streak
It helped all mine catch up with Welsh and DD2 seems to help with her french GCSE as well.

She also has few other revision apps she does as well.

No you can’t. Vaping has no real benefit to anyone, does it?

Phones, technology & social media do.

My dc got iPads when they were relatively young, about nine and phones when they started secondary. They are 21 and 18 now and neither of them are or have ever been addicted to their devices.

They do loads of things. Sports, friends. There is always something. Right now one is in the city with her school friends as they finished yesterday and the other one is reading a book on a Japanese emperor.

I'm also doing it with her 😀 only 200 days for me

From my experience, as mum of teenagers, giving dc smart phones in year 6 means you can control and teach phone use etiquette. You need clear rules and boundaries that are strict and can reduce as you navigate what works for you.

I personally think waiting and giving a 15 yo a smart phone means they won’t listen to a parent’s guidance and you’ve missed the boat in teaching important learning.

My dc are 13 (twins in year 9) and 16 (nearly 17).

rules included:
no social media except WhatsApp
no groups on WhatsApp (that’s where trouble begins ime)
Phone is used for limited time increasing as they get older
when I day “phones down” I mean it and do not expect pushback
phones used downstairs only
put on the family docking station at night

this eased with Snapchat being added at the end of year 8 (I still hate it but dc have proven I can trust them on WhatsApp)
phones are now allowed upstairs for specific reasons and permission has to be requested (eg. Can I phone my boyfriend? Can I listen to music upstairs? type requests).

The advice shouldn’t be “don’t buy dc a mobile” it should, imo, be “make clear rules that are very strict initially and commit to teaching your dc how to use a mobile before purchasing one.”

Giving older teens mobiles and hoping they’ll figure it out is a recipe for disaster imo.

Two books I read recently, both of which have different views but if you read them together will fill in a lot of the gaps the other missed:

1. The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt
2. Unlocked: The Real Science of Screen Time by Pete Etchells

They're different viewpoints, but I think a happy medium is taking lessons from each book. I don't think kids shouldn't have smartphone access until they are 16, and we should be teaching internet safety in schools, with a proficiency test to show understanding.

I don't allow YouTube at all, apart from if I'm managing it to put on something specific.

Having a tablet which can only be used inside the house, when the parent is around and can see what the child is doing, is quite different to having a phone which is taken wherever the child goes. Phones also have 4/5G, whereas if parents turn off the WiFi a tablet becomes useless.

Tablets can also be used for all the other benefits mentioned on here, such as Duolingo and other educational apps.

The problem with mobile phones is the mobile aspect.