Husband use of car horn!

[Merrygoround8]

Semi lighthearted but also genuinely curious as to who is BU!

When we are in the car, I find DH uses the horn every time we are in the car for indiscretions of other drivers, whether it impacts us or not. I am talking on 9/10 times we are in the car longer than 10 mins this will happen at least once. And I am not talking about using the horn if for instance someone was reversing in to us and needed to be alerted to us, it is 99% passive aggression around things he sees but could easily just ignore.

I find it so off putting. I have said countless times that I find this irritating and stressful - in my view, a honk is never going to make another driver sit back and reflect/be a better driver. They are either someone that already knows they’ve done wrong and it’s a mistake, or truly an arse who won’t care about their driving. So it just feels like a sort of vigilante crusade and arrogance to me.

The other element of this that irritates me is that when he sees a potential hazard, instead of immediately backing off he will continue almost as if he hasn’t seen it (leading me to panic!) and then assure me he can “judge the time and distance”. Meanwhile I’m having a heart attack! For instance today a lady didn’t give way to the right on a roundabout - yes, annoying and her error - but having noticed this he could have just held back and instead he continues and we end up close to this car, almost to intimidate the other person and make it very clear they were wrong. Yes she’s in the wrong but my instinct is just purely to back off and away from a hazard/irresponsible driver, whoever is at fault. I don’t want to be anywhere near it. I also don’t think you can ever judge the reaction times etc of another driver so in my mind, if there is a hazard, you slow down to avoid….. Because even if there is a collision, you want it to be as slow as possible!

He hasn’t had an accident and insists he is in control but it really bothers me. He points out that in these circumstances if there was a crash, the police would find the other person at fault. Whilst this is true in the legal sense, I also just don’t think it matters really if someone is injured and that’s my fear.

I’ve probably mentioned this for 10 years and said how I find the honking in particular unpleasant and pointless. He doesn’t seem to care about my experience of the journey if he is driving, it’s his discretion and his say.

We have young kids in the car also if relevant.

AIBU - driver discretion always
YANBU - he’s driving like an arse and/or should care about how his driving affects you

He is driving like an arse, and will end up in an accident if he continues driving aggressively to teach others a lesson as in your roundabout example. Even if nobody is seriously injured dealing with the insurance claim is a total ball ache, maybe point that out to him.

Edit. Is he from the UK/was he taught to drive in the UK ?

Driving styles in other countries differ. In other countries for example the horn is used much more of a signal to warn people you are there than in the UK and people in some countries use their horn all the time when driving.

In the UK it is more generally used to signal displeasure when someone does something wrong.

TBH I think I have hit my horn once in the last year. Normally to me by the time I have figured out to hit it, the event that caused me to think about hitting it is over and done with and there is little point.

Edit : You are right to not want an accident. Because airbags going off in your face is not a particularly pleasant experience.

There are times when, seeing someone about to drive dangerously, I would hold back, even if the other person is in the wrong. DH, not so much. I do think it’s a man thing.

I think you should bring your own horn on car journeys and beep it at him when he is being a dick

It's bad enough that someone could be seriously needed by his stupid actions. But there's also the hassle of dealing with a claim. Even if the other person is in the wrong, sometimes it can go on for years.

He's a complete idiot if he thinks dealing with the aftermath of a road accident is easy.

He is born and raised in the UK, where we are still.

He's breaking the highway code:

Rule 112
The horn. Use only while your vehicle is moving and you need to warn other road users of your presence. Never sound your horn aggressively

Is he an aggressive bully in other ways too?

😂😂😂

My DH drives in exactly the same way and I absolutely cannot stand it. It has been the source on many arguments because it drives me nuts.

It’s illegal to use your horn aggressively unless another road user poses a danger. So if he is using it in anger (in place of shouting at another person) then he is breaking the law.

I’m 45 and passed my test at 17 - I don’t
think I have beeped my horn even five times in all that time, and I’m no wallflower, but I’m not an arrogant driver either - if he’s doing to up to ten times in an average drive then he has anger issues, I’m sorry to say it but he does. It must be horrible for you and horrible for the children.

Do you drive? I would be refusing to travel as a passenger with him unless he sorted himself out. It’s not his job to ‘police’ the roads - we have actual police to do that - and I think it’s horrible that you have expressed how unhappy you are and he is minimising/ignoring your distress.

I hate car tooting unless it’s in New York 🤣. I just don’t see why people want to make it their business to upbraid minor misdemeanours of other drivers. All tooting does is cause anger and it’s not as if you can retaliate.

Not a bully at all. It’s very much passive aggression which is a style of comms his family seem to adopt but in fairness I’ve had that firmly taken off the table as a form of comms otherwise in our marriage! It’s just the car it seems to come out….

Your husband sounds practically perfect in every way. Well done on snaring this prince among men. 👏

My stepdad does the horn thing...I secretly wish someone would get out of their car and give him a slap

He sounds like an arse! He's going to end up in an accident sooner or later, even if its not his fault, why risk it, especially when traveling with a family

Sorry if post not clear… it’s not 10 times per drive, probably once or twice each time we go on a semi substantial journey. But yes too much!

No anger issues to speak of!

Sorry I misread - but a few times each drive of over 10 minutes is nuts - you do know that don’t
you? He needs to sort out his driving style pronto.

I had a 'very minor' bump in the car, someone pulled out into my driver side. (She immediately admitted liability, so all that was fine) But that was 14 years ago. I still take 18 tablets a day to cope with the pain in my back.

So even if he thinks 'it will be their fault' he's an inconsiderate dickhead that he could put yourself, your CHILDREN, and another person in a life of pain. Arsehole 🤬

If he's having to use his horn that often due to "bad driving" does he not think the bad driver could be....him?

I’m with you OP. My partner is generally so calm, chill and gentle, but gets inane road rage. He’s not a horn beeper but swears and shouts unnecessarily at other drivers constantly. But for things that aren’t even that bad! Someone will change lanes in front of him on the motorway, far enough away to not affect him in the slightest, but he still shouts out a range of expletives. The car in front will slow down at the lights as they turn amber, and they’re a “xxxx bleep xxxx bleep xxxx” just because they didn’t speed up and go through them. He does it all the time, to the point where I hate going on journeys with him and being his passenger because I just find it unpleasant and irritating!

Aggressive, frustrated driver.
Not good.
Can't remember when husband (74) last used the horn. 55 years of practice 😳

I suppose honking his horn is quicker than making a sign for the car reading 'I drive like a drama queen'.

Why doesn't he get a PA system for the car, then he can give other drivers verbal commentary on their driving.

He is clearly wrong, but I'm not sure you can do much about it, unless you are ready to make it a big deal.

Can you drive? I suppose refusing to sit in a car with him driving might be the only way.

He's a dick.

Yes, he's a dick.