Husband use of car horn!

[Merrygoround8]

Semi lighthearted but also genuinely curious as to who is BU!

When we are in the car, I find DH uses the horn every time we are in the car for indiscretions of other drivers, whether it impacts us or not. I am talking on 9/10 times we are in the car longer than 10 mins this will happen at least once. And I am not talking about using the horn if for instance someone was reversing in to us and needed to be alerted to us, it is 99% passive aggression around things he sees but could easily just ignore.

I find it so off putting. I have said countless times that I find this irritating and stressful - in my view, a honk is never going to make another driver sit back and reflect/be a better driver. They are either someone that already knows they’ve done wrong and it’s a mistake, or truly an arse who won’t care about their driving. So it just feels like a sort of vigilante crusade and arrogance to me.

The other element of this that irritates me is that when he sees a potential hazard, instead of immediately backing off he will continue almost as if he hasn’t seen it (leading me to panic!) and then assure me he can “judge the time and distance”. Meanwhile I’m having a heart attack! For instance today a lady didn’t give way to the right on a roundabout - yes, annoying and her error - but having noticed this he could have just held back and instead he continues and we end up close to this car, almost to intimidate the other person and make it very clear they were wrong. Yes she’s in the wrong but my instinct is just purely to back off and away from a hazard/irresponsible driver, whoever is at fault. I don’t want to be anywhere near it. I also don’t think you can ever judge the reaction times etc of another driver so in my mind, if there is a hazard, you slow down to avoid….. Because even if there is a collision, you want it to be as slow as possible!

He hasn’t had an accident and insists he is in control but it really bothers me. He points out that in these circumstances if there was a crash, the police would find the other person at fault. Whilst this is true in the legal sense, I also just don’t think it matters really if someone is injured and that’s my fear.

I’ve probably mentioned this for 10 years and said how I find the honking in particular unpleasant and pointless. He doesn’t seem to care about my experience of the journey if he is driving, it’s his discretion and his say.

We have young kids in the car also if relevant.

AIBU - driver discretion always
YANBU - he’s driving like an arse and/or should care about how his driving affects you

Install a dash cam as this would show fault. People don’t learn by other drivers getting all up their bumper. And being too close is automatically the car behinds fault.

Just refuse to get in the car with him. He’s a total arse behind the wheel.

also, he’s driving dangerously. A good reason to refuse getting in the car when he drives.

As my late DH used to say "You don't need to enforce your right of way every time". I can't even remember the last time I used a horn - probably when someone was getting too close while reversing in a car park?
OP's DH should be more concerned about his own driving than attempting to police others with his idiotic aggressive horn honking.

It's fine if it's to warn someone of a potential hazard. But not to show anger.
It could scare a new/cautious driver and cause an accident. My dd is a learner someone beeped her for taking too long at traffic lights yesterday, she got flustered and stalled how was that helpful

If i was you, I'd insist on driving myself and explain that it's because he drives dangerously, referring him to the previous responses on here ref highway code. I couldn't feel safe in a car with a driver like that and he shouldn't put other passengers (his DC?) in that position as they won't have a choice.

He's an absolute arse. I bet he's a crap/aggressive driver at other times too.

Does his aggression not manifest itself in normal/domestic life too? It's strange that he has anger issues on the road but not elsewhere.

Dd2 refuses to get in a car with her df driving. He is so aggressive, beeping, swearing at other drivers, driving up their bum. Last week another driver failed to give way on a roundabout and we ended up having to go around twice to avoid a collision. Dh then caught up with bad driver and sat right behind him for the next couple of miles!!

Firstly, overuse of the car horn or honking unexpectedly can actually cause accidents.

Secondly, I've been in a couple of car accidents in the past, and the 'least serious' incident was the one that caused me the most harm. I was a passenger and someone went into the back of the car slowly (at traffic lights).

When I woke up the next day my back and legs were agony and I couldn't move easily.

The driver accepted they were to blame, but who was at fault made absolutely no difference - I still ended up in a lot of pain and months of physio.

Just because an accident is slow or isn't major doesn't mean everyone will be hunky dory. That your husband is willing to put you and your children at risk in this way to prove some sort point is grim.

Thirdly, you can be found to share fault even if the other driver did something wrong, if you didn't act in a reasonable way to avoid the hazard. Or in many cases, it becomes a case of he said she said where neither side accepts liability and it can be difficult to determine who was to blame - in those cases insurance usually just go for 50:50 and draw a line under it.