Boyfriend/Girlfriend Invitation Etiquette

[U53rName]

What’s the etiquette on when to start inviting boyfriends/girlfriends to family events, like Christmas or family birthday celebrations? DNephew is in 6th Form and has had a GF for about a year. DH thinks we should invite her. GF is lovely and I would love for her to join us, and we can just squeeze one more person in space-wise. But am I opening Pandora’s Box here? We have several teens in the family, and if they all get BFs/GFs and we’ve set the expectation that BFs/GFs are invited to family events, we just won’t have the space. MIL is very old-fashioned and INSISTS that everyone sit at the dining room table—so there won’t be a possibility for the teens to spread out—we will just have to cross our fingers that only one teen has a BF/GF at a time, or there will be disappointment that one was allowed to, but others aren’t. This is the first GF in that generation of the family and I want to set out as I mean to go on, with fairness to all of the cousins in mind.

YABU = invite the GF
YANBU = don’t invite the GF

There is no set ettiquette. Every family must figure it out for themselves. I would think that family events would be appropriate for longstandign girlfriends or boyfriends to attend. If space is at a premium, that may shift your thinking. It mayb e that MIL has to shift her thinking too - she can't dictate taht everyone sits at the table if the table isn't big enough.

I was going to write the same as above .MIL can buy a bigger table

I wouldn’t necessarily invite for Christmas - people tend to go to their own folks

As you are space limited, you could invite the BF/GF of the birthday boy/girl without including all the others. And then play the rest by ear - it’s possible to get tied up in knots if you start planning too far ahead.

I’d leave them out of events involving extended family until they are much more settled couples, so Granny’s preferences need not come in to it yet. Look instead for less set piece Christmas events, plus random other things (like family days out)

For my house?! 😂

I would be led by your son. If he has asked for his GF to come over then go ahead and invite her. If he hasn’t, then I wouldn’t get involved in their plans.

It’s my nephew.

Is this for Christmas Day itself? I'd be surprised if she says yes - I'd expect a teenager of that age to still be spending it with her own family.

My DS1 is 19 and has had a girlfriend for two years. I think her parents would be quite upset if she came to ours for Christmas- as would I if DS went to hers!

Nephew, nor BIL/SIL have been asking for the GF invite—this is DH’s idea to include her, as she is often at the events at BIL/SIL’s house.

Presumably the GF has her own family with which to eat Christmas lunch?

Boxing Day

Well if it's your house it's your decision. So no problem.

Worry about future years when it/if happens.

Your house your rules

It's the OP's nephew though, not her son. I think at that stage of life I wouldn't invite the girlfriend. I had a boyfriend at that age and found going to his family for Christmas awful, I just wanted to be with my own family.

No only your DH wants to invite her? I think he's way over stepping. Let nephew ask when he wants to ask her. It's a good idea to encourage them to prioritise their own families at times in case things go south or someone dies.

My 18 and 20 year olds have a bf/gf and they've been invited to family events at Christmas and vice versa.

Also, why do you let MIL insist anything if she's not even hosting? If she wants everyone at the table then she can host herself and do that!

Yeah it think it's a bit weird your DH wants to invite her. It's presuming she doesn't have anything to do and is a bit rude tbh.

I would invite her but don’t be surprised if she says no. My first boyfriend (16-18yo) wasn’t invited on Christmas Day but often came on Boxing Day (his birthday) because we used to do family games. My DH spent our first Christmas on holiday with his family and then we’ve done it together every year since but we had DD1 by then.

My sister and BIL still don’t do Christmas together and they’ve been together 14 years and are engaged. BIL is invited to join us if he wants to but he goes to his family.

It’s whatever works for you.

Maybe you’r right. I don’t want to overwhelm her on Boxing Day…it’s DH who’s saying it’s rude not to invite her, because the last 3 times we’ve been to BIL/SIL’s events at their home, the GF has been invited. (But it is DN’s home, so a different kettle of fish.) Perhaps this is putting a bit of adult pressure on a teen romance.

If it’s your nephews girlfriend, I’d leave it up to his parents/him to mention it, if they want her to come. Also your MIL should have zero say on whether everyone sits at the table or not in your house.

From what age did you start to include them?

Don’t even get me started on MIL….!

You've answered your own question.

So if next year three of them have girl/boyfriends.... what will happen with three extra people.

Invite them. If the bf or gf is nice, it's a nice addition to the party. If they are not, they should still be invited because it's a chance for others to see their behaviour in action. Sometimes seeing your drongo of a boyfriend alongside your cousins and uncles can give you some perspective.

Your MIL is silly to think the family will always stay the same shape and size. Maybe the meal should become a buffet, or a bigger table bought, or whatever, but she has to accept things change.

It's rude to invite someone for boxing day? This place is crazy at times.

That’s my worry, as we’ll
have set the precedent that BFs/GFs are invited. If they are all in romances next Boxing Day, I guess it will be that none are invited.

Yeah I think it is when it's some relations girlfriend and they're young.