Boyfriend/Girlfriend Invitation Etiquette

[U53rName]

What’s the etiquette on when to start inviting boyfriends/girlfriends to family events, like Christmas or family birthday celebrations? DNephew is in 6th Form and has had a GF for about a year. DH thinks we should invite her. GF is lovely and I would love for her to join us, and we can just squeeze one more person in space-wise. But am I opening Pandora’s Box here? We have several teens in the family, and if they all get BFs/GFs and we’ve set the expectation that BFs/GFs are invited to family events, we just won’t have the space. MIL is very old-fashioned and INSISTS that everyone sit at the dining room table—so there won’t be a possibility for the teens to spread out—we will just have to cross our fingers that only one teen has a BF/GF at a time, or there will be disappointment that one was allowed to, but others aren’t. This is the first GF in that generation of the family and I want to set out as I mean to go on, with fairness to all of the cousins in mind.

YABU = invite the GF
YANBU = don’t invite the GF

I invited my DD's 17 year old boyfriend to Xmas dinner this year, his mum was working in the hospital and he was going to be home alone all day. We had 19 for dinner and whether or not there was space I would still have invited him and any of my other kdis partners.

If this is at your house then your MIL has absolutely ZERO say in who sits where. I'd invite the GF and tell MIL to put up or shut up. I've been with my DH for 11yrs (married 5) and spent the first 3 or 4 years pandering to his family and then one day I was just done. My house, my guests, my rules. Don't like it don't come.

I would say around 6 months onwards and serious they get an invite. Tough if others don't agree

1. Invite her if you have space and you’d like to see her
2. Feel free to host whatever type of dinner you want, MIL can stay away if it bothers her so much.
3. Don’t worry about precedents, you can adapt to changes in family dynamics (don’t become MIL and expect things to stay the same forever!)

i think it’s nice that you and your hubby are being the thoughtful enough to be happy to include her - shows you care a lot about your nephew and what he wants. Lots of families don’t do anything on Boxing Day so absolutely not rude or presumptuous to let that part of your family know she is welcome, but absolutely no expectation to accept and come!

in my early 20s for context
met my bf when we went away to uni 18 years old) first Xmas we spent it with our families, 2nd Xmas I told my parents (X is spending Xmas with us) and they didn’t really have much to say, other than he’s very welcome and that they love his company. This year I was with his family. But, by the time I brought him to my Xmas (just me and parents!) I’d already been on four of his family holidays (mine don’t travel due to commitments with pets).
BUT bf and I live together, study together, and even work together- so for me, I hate being separated from him for days at a time, so XMAS isn’t enjoyable if my partner isn’t there with me.

Borrow an extra table, maybe a folding table the more the merrier.

I think it’s fine to invite BF/GF to Christmas dinner as long as it’s a fairly long term relationship (6 months plus). Not like my bil (OH brother) who several times invited his Christmas Eve one night stands to dinner and my in laws let him! Super awkward….
As for mil, who put her in charge? Is she the host? If she’s not happy for people to not sit at the table (ridiculous) then maybe it’s time to change your plans.

Oh so you are aware that it is YOUR house then? Unsure why you are letting MIL dictate anything in YOUR house. How ridiculous,

I always invite

Perhaps grandma needs sorting a bit. Whose table is it anyway? Just be grateful he brings gf home and go with that. You may need an extra table at some stage,we did! Brill!

Thanks all. SIL/BIL didn’t ask us to invite the GF, so we left it.

BFs/GFs have always been welcomed to family events by us, parents and In-laws. I wouldn’t want anyone to be left out. If there isn’t enough room at the table to squeeze everyone in then we do something a bit less formal. I’m sure MIL wouldn’t expect to eat around the dining table if you were having picky bits.

Just get an extra folding table, put a Christmas cloth on it and either put it on the end or nearby. That’s what we do . Just a cheap camping table is fine

I am always led by my child- some want the BF/GF included early on others keep them hidden for ages!
as a previous GF who didn’t have a great Family
life I was so delighted to be invited to all my BF( now DH) family events from early on
the only error I made was adding them
to family what’s app groups - nightmare when they break up!!

I wouldn’t invite my nephews GF/BF to a family event if they are just in 6th form.

your own kids partners is up to you.

Then next Boxing Day do a buffet style get together so it’s not too formal and everyone can join in ❤️