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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.. more was I unreasonable, coz Dh thinks I was and isn't talking to me...

52 replies

shrinkingsagpuss · 01/05/2008 13:12

About 6 weeks ago, one of DH's work friends emailed to say they were organising a big meal out, and when could we all make it?

I didn't want to go, but forwarded the emal to DH.

They all have pots of money, they all know each other as they all worked together (DH'd and DW's). I'm the newbie.

DH came home and said it was booked for the 2nd (tomorrow). Its my first wek back at work after 10 months mat leave, so I'll be knackered. He didn't even ask me, he jsut agreed to go. I told him he'd have to find a babysitter for our two DC's.

This week, suddenyl he says, hvae we got a sitter? Well... no, as I told him to get one. I am now big bad DW. Iapparently I'm being deliberately obstructive. We are supposed to be meeting these friends about 20 miles away to eat at 7pm. My DC's won't be in bed by 6.30, they are barely out of the bath by then. We have no-one who can bath them and put them to bed, and I'm not preapred to pay a starnger from "sitters" to do it - not on a first time meeting anyway, it would be very unfair on the DC's.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Swedes · 01/05/2008 13:14

Send him on his own. Stay in and have a lovely hot, relaxing bath and go to bed early with a good book.

Dropdeadfred · 01/05/2008 13:15

who would normally babysit for you?

cmotdibbler · 01/05/2008 13:15

He booked it, he was tasked with finding a babysitter, and he didn't do it.

So, YANBU.

WowOoo · 01/05/2008 13:16

Argh! Have been there. Bad news for me was that I just ended up staying at home with dc as this was the easiest and stress-free option. And I was in a mood about it. And I made sure I had some kind of treat to look forward to/ night out in return?
Honestly, it's like if you want something doing we have to do it ourselves. Dh just can't think of everything (his words)grrrr...

singyswife · 01/05/2008 13:17

YANBU. DH was inconsiderate to not think of you given it was your first week back. Then to not organise sitters is his fault. Tell him you are not going with him as he failed to organise a suitable babysitter and as it is your first week back at work you are too tired/emotional to go. Have a nice evening by yourself and let him explain to the rich friends where his wife is.

Original poster
shrinkingsagpuss · 01/05/2008 13:18

We only have 2 ppeople who sit for us, my best friend, and she's got 2 DC's of her own, and she works full time, so its not fair to ask her to do the whole bath bed story thing with my two, after a long day at work.

the others are the surrogate G/P's who are great, but again, I don't think it is fair to ask to do the whole lot. They often sit for us to go for a meal, once the kids are in bed, and often during the day if I need to do something.

OP posts:
squigglywig · 01/05/2008 13:19

Were you supposed to divine the fact that he hadn't booked the babysitter?!? Once you had divined it, were you then supposed to do it for him??

YANBU

Original poster
shrinkingsagpuss · 01/05/2008 13:20

The only trouble is, this is a repeat... in march we had a big social function the DH said he DIDN"T want to go to. So we didn't buy tickets, and didn't get a sitter. 5 days before said function, he announces that we've got to go because he's got to make a speech ... so he went alone, and I had a nice night in.

.. nice night in sounds great, but I'd pay for it over the w/e.

Also I'm worried what he'll do in terms of refusing to go out to other things, if it involves my friends.

OP posts:
Blu · 01/05/2008 13:20

He maight be seeing this as you having absolved yourself from the decision-making because you passed it to him in the first place and didn't pro-actively communicate with him then. For e.g you could have said 'be careful about a date because i'm going back to work and we'll need someone who can out the kids o bed' OR 'Look, why don't you go on your own, your friends / back to work / babysitter difficulties'.

He IS BU now, but maybe feels you were unwilling from the beginning and have now found a way to back out, iyswim.

Blu · 01/05/2008 13:22

What do you mean, you'd pay for it over the w/e?

Original poster
shrinkingsagpuss · 01/05/2008 13:22

I agree BLu. I know exactly what you mean. he says he didn't ask me, as he thought I'd say no.... so he just said "yes" and now expects me to tow the line. I told him right off that the date was bad.

OP posts:
Original poster
shrinkingsagpuss · 01/05/2008 13:23

He'll be miserable as sin, refuse to talk to me, refuse to help out with kids, or housework etc...

OP posts:
Porpoise · 01/05/2008 13:27

OK, can you part-rescue the situation by getting babysitter once dcs are in bed - and joining up with everyone later?

(he is BU by the way!)

bozza · 01/05/2008 13:27

Why does it have to be so early as 7pm?

Original poster
shrinkingsagpuss · 01/05/2008 13:30

coz we're seeing some show..... oh good....

yes prob could rescue, but am in no mood to. we won't have eaten, and I'll have had a naff day... lots of work issues just kicked off yesterday (2nd day back....)

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 01/05/2008 13:49

don't understand why you should be worried about him 'retaliating' somehow.makes him sound like a petulant child

waffletrees · 01/05/2008 13:50

YANBU - my Dh beleives in the baby-sitter fairy too.

Tommy · 01/05/2008 13:54

YANBU - mine is another one who uses the "have you found a babysitter?" line as well as the "have you found anyone to feed the cat?" when we are going away to his parents)

I would calmily explain to him that you can either not go or you wll have to go along later when the children are in bed (and then not go if you don't want to)

BirdyArms · 01/05/2008 13:55

Could you just go for the show? I know that you won't feel like it but sounds like it's worth it for a happier weekend.

Cappuccino · 01/05/2008 13:57

why is it your responsibility to organise a babysitter when it is a night out he has booked, and you asked him to get one

YANBU

hifi · 01/05/2008 14:05

could the kids miss their bath for one night and babysitters just put to bed, the could already be in their jamas. dh does this, only thing is he will get me back if theres something i really want to go to so i have to be careful.

Hecate · 01/05/2008 14:09

Is he incapable of organising child care for HIS children? Oh yes, that's right, it's your job, you back there WITH THE VAGINA

NotABanana · 01/05/2008 14:12

WTF BirdyArms? Why should she do something she doesn't want to do just so her husband doesn't behave like a knob all weekend?

Dropdeadfred · 01/05/2008 14:14

exacttly notabanana...it horrifies me that somepne can be manipulated ny the threat of nasty behaviour as 'punishment'

bergentulip · 01/05/2008 14:15

YANBU, but I can kind of see why your DH might think you are being obstructive.

Do you usually sort the babysitter? In which case, and men being men, he would have expected you to do it (whether reasonable or not, but you would know this), regardless of one comment you made at the time to tell him to find one.

Also, you started your op saying you do not really want to go, you are the newbie etc.... again, he probably knows your feelings on that, and of course will think you are just trying to be difficult.
Aren't you though, just a little?

Re-stress, yanbu, as he booked the date without consulting, and it's your 2nd day at work, but still. I see his side. Just playing devil's advocate here.

Also, good suggestion to just go to the show once kids in bed and babysitter has taken over / come to watch your tellie(!)