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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so hurt

93 replies

Joolz20 · 19/12/2024 11:26

So I split up with my partner 4 months ago due to him not supporting me since the kids arrived. He carried on his life as normal, working late, various hobbies, nights out etc and I just felt really lonely. Eventually it got to the point where I couldn’t show him any affection as the resentment just built up so we ended up just hitting a brick wall.

we broke up 6 months prior to this and he told me he really fancied a woman at work, after this I begged for him back as I couldn’t bare the thought of him being with another woman. When we got back together not much changed so I ended it again and he is saying the same thing again about this woman, he picked the kids up on Sunday and told me that he had to borrow her car because his has broke. I am trying to understand why he wants to hurt me so much as if I had met somebody else I just wouldn’t tell him and just lie about the car etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Joolz20 · 26/12/2024 20:31

Phoenixfire1988 · 26/12/2024 20:10

You don't want him but nobody else can have him either ? You're being totally unreasonable here and actually a bit unhinged! work on yourself and concentrate on your kids or you are just going to end up bitter over a relationship you didn't even want

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I think most people get a bit upset when their ex meets somebody new.

OP posts:
purpleblue2 · 26/12/2024 20:36

I wouldn’t lie about another man if I was you ever. You have children between you I would want to know so I knew what was going. You can’t just lie what when it comes to being ready to meet the children and you say “ oh I’ve been seeing him 6 months” and also what are you teaching your children

CannotWaitForSummervibes · 27/12/2024 08:31

Sorry op, you sound a total mess and completely obsessed with him. Let him go. You split up for a reason. There is nothing wrong with him telling you whose car he borrowed to collect the children. Would you really rather he lies about things like that? What kind of example would that be for the kids?

Original poster
Joolz20 · 27/12/2024 08:43

CannotWaitForSummervibes · 27/12/2024 08:31

Sorry op, you sound a total mess and completely obsessed with him. Let him go. You split up for a reason. There is nothing wrong with him telling you whose car he borrowed to collect the children. Would you really rather he lies about things like that? What kind of example would that be for the kids?

Yes maybe you’re right. I don’t want him but don’t understand how he can just walk away from almost 20 years like nothing happened. I am just finding it hard adjusting to my new way of life.

OP posts:
Original poster
Joolz20 · 27/12/2024 08:43

purpleblue2 · 26/12/2024 20:36

I wouldn’t lie about another man if I was you ever. You have children between you I would want to know so I knew what was going. You can’t just lie what when it comes to being ready to meet the children and you say “ oh I’ve been seeing him 6 months” and also what are you teaching your children

No I wouldn’t lie about a man I would tell the truth.

OP posts:
purpleblue2 · 27/12/2024 08:49

Joolz20 · 27/12/2024 08:43

No I wouldn’t lie about a man I would tell the truth.

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But haven’t you just said you’d of expected him to lie

Pussycat22 · 27/12/2024 08:50

Why in the name of God do you want this THING back or even in your life. Read what you have written on here and think you would react if it was another lady writing it. Please look after yourself.x

Original poster
Joolz20 · 27/12/2024 08:57

purpleblue2 · 27/12/2024 08:49

But haven’t you just said you’d of expected him to lie

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I honestly don’t think it was her car. Nobody has an old car just waiting to be used. It was said to hurt me and it worked.

OP posts:
purpleblue2 · 27/12/2024 09:29

Joolz20 · 27/12/2024 08:57

I honestly don’t think it was her car. Nobody has an old car just waiting to be used. It was said to hurt me and it worked.

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its on you to protect your own feelings and do better

Original poster
Joolz20 · 30/12/2024 11:44

purpleblue2 · 27/12/2024 09:29

its on you to protect your own feelings and do better

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I just spoke to my daughter and she said she got a Christmas present from this woman that he has been telling me about

OP posts:
Original poster
Joolz20 · 30/12/2024 12:00

Why would she even do that!

OP posts:
Whoyoutakingto · 30/12/2024 12:33

OP the way you feel is perfectly normal at the stage you are at. Unfortunately some men take a breakup to get their shit together (playing and engaging with their own kids!) Don’t fall into the friends trap, it doesn’t work, it draws out the hurt and you don’t need another friend you needed an equal partner and he didn’t deliver.
It’s easier all round if you just communicate about the kids, as others have said set boundaries and don’t share any info that is not about the kids, shut him down if he tries to.
You will always be the main person in your kids lives, never forget that you love them unconditionally and it’s the same the other way round. Another woman is not a threat, she bought them a gift be glad she sounds nice so far. Write a list of the reasons why you split and look at it when you have a wobble. Being a single parent is not easy but easier than dealing with the resentment when someone is supposed to be part of your team.
You sound strong and things will settle. Best of luck.

Original poster
Joolz20 · 30/12/2024 12:42

Whoyoutakingto · 30/12/2024 12:33

OP the way you feel is perfectly normal at the stage you are at. Unfortunately some men take a breakup to get their shit together (playing and engaging with their own kids!) Don’t fall into the friends trap, it doesn’t work, it draws out the hurt and you don’t need another friend you needed an equal partner and he didn’t deliver.
It’s easier all round if you just communicate about the kids, as others have said set boundaries and don’t share any info that is not about the kids, shut him down if he tries to.
You will always be the main person in your kids lives, never forget that you love them unconditionally and it’s the same the other way round. Another woman is not a threat, she bought them a gift be glad she sounds nice so far. Write a list of the reasons why you split and look at it when you have a wobble. Being a single parent is not easy but easier than dealing with the resentment when someone is supposed to be part of your team.
You sound strong and things will settle. Best of luck.

Thank you for that. I just don’t understand why she would buy my children gifts are they in a relationship already?

OP posts:
JMSA · 30/12/2024 12:47

Just focus on your kids, and how the to-ing and fro-ing must have been so confusing for them. You matter hugely, OP, of course you do Flowers But so do they, so try not to let his nonsense take up too much of your headspace.

Original poster
Joolz20 · 30/12/2024 13:09

JMSA · 30/12/2024 12:47

Just focus on your kids, and how the to-ing and fro-ing must have been so confusing for them. You matter hugely, OP, of course you do Flowers But so do they, so try not to let his nonsense take up too much of your headspace.

I just don’t understand why he would introduce her to the kids so soon. They have been friends for a long time and it is his best friends sister so there might not actually be anything in it

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Original poster
Joolz20 · 30/12/2024 13:38

It’s just a massive head fuck, 6 months ago he told me he really like this girl just to get me back and now he is doing it again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Joolz20 · 30/12/2024 15:09

JMSA · 30/12/2024 12:47

Just focus on your kids, and how the to-ing and fro-ing must have been so confusing for them. You matter hugely, OP, of course you do Flowers But so do they, so try not to let his nonsense take up too much of your headspace.

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Joolz20 · 31/12/2024 11:46

JMSA · 30/12/2024 12:47

Just focus on your kids, and how the to-ing and fro-ing must have been so confusing for them. You matter hugely, OP, of course you do Flowers But so do they, so try not to let his nonsense take up too much of your headspace.

He is seeing this other woman. He has taken the kids out with her and things which I didn’t know about. I was really upset at first but I am ok now

OP posts:
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