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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to spend 5 days with his parents?

77 replies

CranberryHedgehog · 19/12/2024 11:02

I've got the 25th to the 29th Dec off and DP has decided he wants us to spend every single day with his family. My family live too far away so we're seeing them the following weekend. I love his family but 5 days straight is a long time. We live just around the corner and he says he feels obligated to spend every day with them as we're so close. We'll obviously be coming home to sleep but apart from that it sounds like he wants to be there all the time.

AIBU to just want a day / evening to ourselves? Also how on earth do I get out of spending the entire time with them?

OP posts:
Cheesypasta · 20/12/2024 01:20

Winter2020 · 19/12/2024 11:59

Make an excuse for a day or two that you are seeing a friend/going to the sales and send him alone. I understand that he wants to spend all that time with his family visiting but you don't have to be joined at the hip. You have the rest of the year to plan things the two of you.

Yes
One day sales with friend
One day sudden migraine, he goes and you stay home with Netflix
Then you're back down to three

ChocolateAddictAlways · 20/12/2024 01:31

5 days is A LOT…especially if they’re just going to be sitting in the house, in front of the TV etc

Perhaps the two of you can make some plans during that time? And just pop in a few times? If he won’t budge then I’d just organise a few things for myself just to have some space and get out of their house.

Vaxtable · 20/12/2024 01:37

Well I would be letting him spend the time with his family and doing my own thing. I know it’s not what you want as you want to spend time together, but if it’s not going to happen then would do stuff on my own

but be warned he obviously puts his family first, not you

ThinWomansBrain · 20/12/2024 01:41

Go with him once or twice maybe
Use the time to evaluate whether you want to be with someone who wants to spend all his free time with his Mummy rather than you.

coxesorangepippin · 20/12/2024 02:44

Let's face it, his parents probably don't want to see you for five days either

Just tell him you are going shopping/ meeting friends on XYZ days

Jostuki · 20/12/2024 03:15

Spending a day/afternoon is lovely. Five days is overkill.

It also buggers up any food you bought as it will go to waste whilst you're over there every day, plus you may not like the same kinds of meals etc

A five day visit would only be necessary if people were travelling/flying in from far away. The fact they live local is just odd.

MarvellousMrsMouse01 · 25/12/2024 20:26

Hell no. Tell him that he can go and spend 5 days with his parents and have yourself some peace and quiet at home 😂

Scottsy200 · 25/12/2024 20:34

That sounds ridiculous absolutely no one would do that, I spend Xmas Day and Boxing Day with my family usually a bit of extended family on BD but I wouldn’t want to sit with them for 4 or 5 days what a waste of your time off

He needs telling he’s mental

CosyLemur · 25/12/2024 20:51

Is this a reverse? Because there was a post like this a few days ago asking if DH was being unreasonable for not wanting to spend 5 days with his wife's parents over Christmas

mammaCh · 25/12/2024 20:52

Just say no, you don't want to?

YippyKiYay · 26/12/2024 02:42

ClicketyClickPlusOne · 19/12/2024 11:13

Set up days out for you and DH.
Film
Walk and lunch in NT cafe
Sales Shopping
Theatre
Invite friends to yours for drinks

If he won’t do this, make arrangements with friends or go out on your own and send your apols to whatever arrangement he has with his parents

I would tell him straight I am not taking 5 days leave to spend the whole time with his parents who you presumably see all the time anyway because you live down the road.

This

Ratisshortforratthew · 26/12/2024 02:48

“Ok Steve. I’ll come with you on X day then the other days I’ll be at home or doing my own thing so I’ll see you when you get back”. Don’t ask, just tell him what you’ll be doing instead! And don’t have kids with him, the interfering from his family will be off the scale.

IdylicDay · 26/12/2024 03:53

How did it go, @CranberryHedgehog ?

Ladybyrd · 26/12/2024 04:25

When we go to see MIL with our children, we tend to spend most of the daytime together then meet up again at night, because they live in another country and we have to make the most out of our time together. This isn't that. It's too much and nope.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 26/12/2024 04:42

Let him.

You do your own thing.

He sounds like he does whatever his parents want. Recipe for an unsuccessful marriage / relationship.

Original poster
CranberryHedgehog · 26/12/2024 08:30

I can assure you it's not a reverse @CosyLemur. We spent yesterday with them and got home early evening. We'll be going over for lunch today as his sibling and nieces are over. We'll go to the party tomorrow but no intentions of being over their house outside of the party and then we've got the weekend to ourselves. I'd ideally have liked to have not spent most of the day with them yesterday given we're seeing them for part of today and part of tomorrow but I can deal with that more than I can deal with 5 days straight!

OP posts:
Justleaveitblankthen · 26/12/2024 08:49

He can do what he likes.
Tell him you have other plans though.
Even better if he keeps the kiddies with them for the duration 😁

cansu · 26/12/2024 08:51

Tell him to go alone. No way would I be sitting around a relatives house fir five days whether it be my own or someone else's.

Daisy12Maisie · 26/12/2024 08:51

Let him do what he wants to but as it's close you can dip in and out so come home, put the washing on, see a friend, go to the gym or whatever you want to do. You don't need to be there all the time even if he is.

Kehlani · 26/12/2024 08:54

That’s crazy, I live very close to my mum and aunts. I saw them all yesterday, DH went to his family this year as they’re further away.

I definitely don’t want to spend today with everyone again. I’m exhausted from yesterday, today I want to stay home and rest.

Put your foot down, OP and say you’re not going.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/12/2024 09:10

CranberryHedgehog · 26/12/2024 08:30

I can assure you it's not a reverse @CosyLemur. We spent yesterday with them and got home early evening. We'll be going over for lunch today as his sibling and nieces are over. We'll go to the party tomorrow but no intentions of being over their house outside of the party and then we've got the weekend to ourselves. I'd ideally have liked to have not spent most of the day with them yesterday given we're seeing them for part of today and part of tomorrow but I can deal with that more than I can deal with 5 days straight!

There's nothing anyone can do or say to help you op.

You don't have to go.

You are choosing to for whatever bizarre reason, ignoring the unanimous response from everyone telling you just don't go, then not enjoying it.

Which you knew you wouldn't.

So this is all pointless.

Carry on being joined at the hip and miserable. Up to you.

Mashroom · 26/12/2024 09:17

It’s always going to be like this if you let it op

I put clear boundaries when we got together 15 years ago and we live a bit of a drive away and now it’s not expected it will be at all these family parties (but I’m polite and keep to myself ) and I think they just think ‘I’m like that’ which is fine with me as other sister in law is too involved and gets talked about - so I was wise to keep my distance

Shinyandnew1 · 26/12/2024 09:19

It’s always going to be like this if you don’t make a stand.

You talk about trying for a baby with this man but don’t mention you’re married-is he your DP? I would think long and hard before having kids with a man with apron string issues. I also wouldn’t be having kids/reducing my earning potential with someone I wasn’t married to

Inthebleakmidwinter1 · 26/12/2024 09:30

i find I really need a break myself at Christmas. I’ve used a week of my holiday to see my family, DPs mum
and dad are here now for a week and that leaves 5 days once they go for me to chill and have a bit of a rest without being a host or a guest. But no apparently I need to now drive 6 hours to the in-laws house for the remainder of the holiday.
I've put my foot down but I’m being made to feel very guilty and unreasonable. I’ve actually been very truthful and said how tired and worn down I feel etc. using my words to ask for what I need but I’ve never found that a successful strategy. People don’t give a shit!

Shinyandnew1 · 26/12/2024 09:33

apparently I need to now drive 6 hours to the in-laws house for the remainder of the holiday.

Who is suggesting this?! Why would YOU have to drive? Your partner’s parents are staying with you for a week, why would you need to go and now stay in their house?!

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