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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell sick son he can’t come over?

78 replies

PipeworksCopper · 17/12/2024 13:31

My 20 year old son is in university about half an hour away from my house, he has his own apartment there, he moved out at the start of the summer. He’s been doing a placement near us and has just messaged to say he’s getting a taxi over to mine as it’s closest because he’s started throwing up uncontrollably..

Its a week before Christmas, I’ve still got loads to do, we’re a house of 6 people including two small children and to be frank I don’t want a stomach bug coming in at this point. Would I be the worst mum in the world to tell him to go home instead???

OP posts:
dreamer24 · 17/12/2024 13:32

WTF!? No you absolutely would not be unreasonable OP, what a shocking lack of awareness he's displaying. Why won't he just go home?

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/12/2024 13:32

Difficult one.

Can you go to his place, keep your distance but make sure he has everything he needs?

dreamer24 · 17/12/2024 13:33

Also extremely unpleasant for the taxi driver if he's "throwing up uncontrollably" 🤨

WomenInConstruction · 17/12/2024 13:34

Hard to drive half an hour when you're throwing up uncontrollably though.

Hmmm. It's a dilemma. Can you give him a bucket and blanket and drink and sit him outside in a quiet space while he empties his tummy then help him get home.

If it's norovirus it's highly contagious, can see why you're worried about the spread...

But driving in that condition would be very dangerous. You get very shaky and weak as well as the realities of covering yourself with vomit while in charge of a car...

WomenInConstruction · 17/12/2024 13:35

Sorry, missed the taxi part....

Pity the driver!!!

Anywherebuthere · 17/12/2024 13:35

Does he live alone and can he get to his place easily?
Is there a room available at your house that he can stay in but away from everyone else?

I would worry if my child ( even if theyre an adult!) was going back to an empty house where there is no one to look out for him. Not so bad if he won't be alone.

mechanicallyinept · 17/12/2024 13:36

Can he come over to yours and you can isolate him for a few hours, just until he settles, then recommend he go home? I'd rather that than the thought of him repeatedly throwing up in a taxi and being footed with an expensive taxi bill?

WomenInConstruction · 17/12/2024 13:37

The taxi driver should might refuse to have him.... The car would need a deep clean after apart from anything or all the customers after him will catch it!!!

In your shoes I'd recognise his predicament which isn't simple (taxi for half hour drive very expensive!). And offer to drive him myself to keep him out of the home.

Original poster
PipeworksCopper · 17/12/2024 13:37

He doesn’t drive, and commutes by train then it’s a 10 minute walk to his place. I can see why he doesn’t want to do that but I don’t want the rest of us getting sick now especially my youngest, I have trouble getting him to drink enough fluids or take medicines etc as it is.

No I can’t go to his place, DH is in work until late this evening so I’m stuck with the other children unfortunately.

OP posts:
brentwoods · 17/12/2024 13:40

After you explained why he can’t get home — YABU. I thought he was being inconsiderate at first, but going to you is the logical thing in his situation.

Onlyvisiting · 17/12/2024 13:40

Would seem pretty harsh to me. If he is really ill then a train ride would be impossible.

Can you say OK but worried about kids so will mask and keep you in a separate room.
Is there a room/bathroom you can limit him to and keep him separate to everyone else? Then assuming the worst has passed when your dh is home one of you can drive him home (with mask on, sanitising everything!)

Vaxtable · 17/12/2024 13:42

Poor kid, he’s ill he wants help and you say no

He can stay in a room on his own, how do you know it’s a bug.. it could just be something he has eaten

Glad you are not my mum

Berga · 17/12/2024 13:43

Keep him in a separate room if you can and away from everyone. And I feel for him, he is newly left home, he feels really sick and it's ok to still want your mum in that situation, bless him.

WomenInConstruction · 17/12/2024 13:43

It's not a good situation, but what choice does he have!?

At least in a taxi he can say stop the car if he needs to be sick... On a train he'd be trapped, sick everywhere.

dreamer24 · 17/12/2024 13:45

OP, does he have any housemates or friends who could check in on him and give him whatever he might need?

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/12/2024 13:46

If you can’t go to his place then he needs to come to you.

Is there a spare bedroom where he can isolate?

I couldn’t leave our youngest (21) alone if he was ill.

Original poster
PipeworksCopper · 17/12/2024 13:49

I haven’t said No. He’s currently shivering on the sofa with a bucket next to him and fair play he looks awful :( I’ve asked him to stick to the downstairs loo and will have to try and keep the kids upstairs and sanitise as much as possible. Thanks for the advice x

OP posts:
jannier · 17/12/2024 13:51

PipeworksCopper · 17/12/2024 13:37

He doesn’t drive, and commutes by train then it’s a 10 minute walk to his place. I can see why he doesn’t want to do that but I don’t want the rest of us getting sick now especially my youngest, I have trouble getting him to drink enough fluids or take medicines etc as it is.

No I can’t go to his place, DH is in work until late this evening so I’m stuck with the other children unfortunately.

I'm all for independence but he's still your child there is no way he can travel safely I wouldn't turn my 30 year old away if they couldn't get home safely. I'd set up a room ready with everything he needs to isolate in and tell him to head that way on arrival put anti bac in the bathroom etc....just like we did for COVID

Member984815 · 17/12/2024 13:54

Dettol aerosol disinfectant on surfaces , I couldn't refuse a child who was sick he wants to avoid throwing up on the train and obviously feels very unwell. It's not ideal with the small kids but if he was living at home you wouldn't kick him out . Keep the small kids away from him and plenty of hand washing

Original poster
PipeworksCopper · 17/12/2024 13:58

I don’t have a spare room but am sorting out youngests room for him and he can rest in there and sleep over tonight, youngest will have to come in with us. I’m sure he won’t mind lol.

OP posts:
user87349287657 · 17/12/2024 14:01

Well lets hope the taxi driver doesn’t catch it and ruin his Christmas too…although I suppose thats better than a whole train carriage of people! Surely at 20 he can sort it out himself? It’s not like there is much you can do than wait for it to pass.

whatisforteamum · 17/12/2024 14:02

Bless him.
I feel sorry for you all.I have emetophobia however couldn't turn D's away if he were ill.
Hoping you can contain it and your lad feels better asap.

lunar1 · 17/12/2024 14:03

I couldn't contemplate not having my son home in this situation

GettingStuffed · 17/12/2024 14:04

Noro is doing the rounds. He needs to stay in isolation.

theleafandnotthetree · 17/12/2024 14:04

I once did a whole week in my shitty bedsit sick as a dog with flu when I was 19 and in college. Nobody to get me anything and very little in the house. Granted, I was a 2 hour drive from 'home' but it wouldn't have occurred to me that anyone would have come to rescue me. I was an adult and just got on with the hellishness of it all.