Nits drama

[Hammy28]

I attended a Christmas gathering at the weekend at a friend’s house with my husband and 5yo twins. My friend of approx. 14 years, Mrs X, was also there with her husband and two children (age 3 and 6 months). My parents collected my children at 4pm so the adults could stay and enjoy some drinks. Mrs X and family left at the same time as my parents. At 6pm my mum messaged to say she thought she’d seen nits in one of my children’s hair (I’d had no prior inkling they may have them – there was no scratching and we’d had no warning from school) - I told those still at the party and suggested they check their children’s hair for nits just in case – no one seemed particularly fazed. Nits were confirmed by the pharmacist late morning the next day. I messaged Mrs X around lunchtime to apologise for the inconvenience and to suggest she check her children’s hair. Admittedly I added a screenshot from the nits episode of motherland to make it more lighthearted. Mrs X responded with a foul mouthed expletive ridden tirade (I lost count of how many times she used the F word!) accusing me of putting her family at risk and having no regard for the welfare of her family by waiting until lunchtime the next day to inform her (apparently she’d seen relatives that morning who, in her eyes, are now also at significant risk when they needn’t have been had I messaged the night before). I should add that her kids do not have any specific vulnerabilities. I apologised (numerous times) for the delay in letting her know and even offered to pay for her kids’ treatment if it turned out they had them. Absolutely nothing would placate her and she continued the ranting well into the evening focusing on my lack of regard/consideration for her family – I eventually had to block her just to bring an end to the onslaught. I’ve never been spoken to like that before and frankly never want to lay eyes on her again. My friends/family have seen her messages and think they’re appalling and completely unwarranted however I’m conscious that, as my friends, there will be a degree of bias. Am I being unreasonable here?

You lost me at "nits were confirmed by the pharmacist" Eh?

Children get nits, it’s part and parcel of sending them to school I’m afraid! I think you were very gracious, seeing as most parents at our school are either too embarrassed or plainly rude and don’t bother to let other parents know. She’s in for a world of shock when hers get to primary school 🤣

Pharmacies often nit check and help you choose which treatment is best for you and your kids.

3 kids, lots of nits and I have never, ever hard of pharmacists doing "nit checks"

Seeing as she has pretty much gone nuclear now, what has she got in reserve when her DC start school and nit alerts happen every few weeks or so? She is going to feel pretty silly, especially when her DC are the ones to start a nit infestation.

Unless you live in an area where bubonic plague is endemic I can't imagine what she was thinking.

Incidentally I kept my DC's hair slightly greasy when they were little and if there was a nit or lice alert DH would comb a little olive oil or coconut oil through their hair. Lice like clean hair. My DC never got lice or nits even when their close friends (with very clean hair) got it.

My mum took them to the pharmacy as she wasn't 100% sure it was nits, there were hardly any. She also wasn't sure which treatment was best to use on kids.

Is Mrs X British? We tend to have a very laid back attitude to childhood parasites that I've learnt on here is not shared by the rest of Europe and having nits is still shameful and a disaster rather than the mild routine inconvenience that they are.

Yes she's British as is her husband.

I know someone who told a group their child had nits d so they could check their own children and they got horrible messages back from two of the six or seven, another just said ‘I don’t believe this’ and never really spoke to her again!!!!!

People can be horrible about it. I don’t know, maybe she panicked because they’re so young. Hope they get sorted quickly (nit comb over the next few weeks with lyclear and diluted tea tree behind the ears (used it straight and my son had a reaction) if you need suggestions) Best of luck

Thanks. I've always considered childhood bugs, nits etc as part and parcel of them growing up. I'd never harangue another parent if their child transmits something to mine - unless maybe they'd known about it in advance but still brought them to play or whatever. It's the way I was spoken to and the extent of the messages despite me apologising I can't get over, I wouldn't speak to my worst enemy like that!

Weird... that's an extreme over reaction, maybe there's an underlying problem like health anxiety. But I don't think even anxiety would be any reason to be angry... was she drunk?

My sister's kids gave me nits, she hadn't warned me (and still denies they had them despite me seeing their eggs abound). Oh they're old eggs. Uh huh...

So I'm impressed you told her so quickly. My own case of nits had a happy ending, I accidentally gave them to a boy I was dating who turned out to be a total nasty man 🐜

Thanks that made me chuckle! No I don't think she was drunk. I wouldn't have minded her being a bit annoyed and put out and expressing that to me (yes it's not great if your kids catch nits) but her messages really were off the scale even when I'd apologised over and over for not texting her immediately once mum told me she suspected nits. I'm not sure what she wanted from me as an apology didn't seem enough and I obviously couldn't undo the fact her kids were near to mine the day before.

is her 3yo at nursery? If so maybe the 3yo is the culprit/nit host and she’s deflecting….

Yes he is. That actually did occur to me- I considered mentioning it but thought I'd be adding fuel to the already raging fire! Interestingly her husband had a terrible cough as well but had no qualms in spreading that around at the event! 🤷‍♀️

I mean, it could easily be that your kids picked them up from hers.....

Happened over Christmas once with my kids - don't know which way it came, but I obviously reported over the family chat that I'd spotted nits, and my sisters should check their kids (as all the cousins had been thick as thieves over the Christmas period) - no fuss, no recriminations, we all just doused the kids and carried on life (well, not my eldest, first time he'd had them, he spent the car ride home from boots with the nit comb and some wet wipes combing them out and muttering about how unbelievably disgusting this all was :D )

And getting nits out of baby hair/3 year old hair (unless very curly I suppose) is fairly easy no? It's not that long, it's normally quite fine - I mean, I'd skip the nasty stuff and use the oil based solutions, but as problems go, I prefer nits to hand foot and mouth or a snotty cold personally.

That sounds like a sensible and "normal" way to approach it! I have asked myself how I'd feel if roles were reversed and I genuinely wouldn't have been concerned or even annoyed - I'd be glad I'd been told at all.

Exactly - it's is treatable whereas HFM or colds go on for days/ weeks 😵‍💫 I'd take nits any day!

My Dsis is a pharmacist, she'd run away screaming if she was asked to check for nits.
She tells everyone to buy a nitty gritty comb and cheap conditioner and wet comb every night for a week and thereafter make it part of their normal bathing routine once a week to wet comb.

How bizarre 😬 nits are an annoying inconvenience but hardly life threatening! Sounds like you're better off without a friend like Mrs X in your life!

Still baffled by the pharmacy. I just can't imagine asking a pharmacist to "nit check." I would be utterly amazed if that was a thing. And if she saw nits in a child's hair from a distance what did she think they might be if not nits?

Sorry I'm not sure what you mean. Maybe I haven't worded it well - my mum took the kids to a pharmacy the next day (she had them overnight) as she wasn't sure whether it was nits she'd seen. I don't know whether the pharmacist inspected their hair but whatever happened advised mum to treat with lotion. Not sure why this is really relevant to the reasonableness of Mrs X's response anyway which is the subject of the post?

Putting her children at risk 😆😆 the woman needs to get a grip 😆

Omg. I’d have messaged back something along the lines of “we’re talking about nits, not fucking hepatitis”.

pharmacist to check for nuts seems wild? Surely even if you suspect you act like they have them to make sure.
she mega over reacted I wouldn’t bother having any dealings with her again and I’d also advise that they could well have caught them from her kids and that she needs to stop being a drama llama