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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel everything cos I'm burnt out?

103 replies

Balaclava1000 · 17/12/2024 01:25

I'm currently sick with a heavy cold and aches and pains and insomnia and I'm starting to panic that I've over committed myself for this week and next week and feel like cancelling everything. Would that be a bad idea and do you think I've been foolish for over booking myself? December has been pretty full on so far and I have one DD and we've already seen Santa, gone to a concert, xmas movies etc.

What's booked in:
-Tuesday to Thursday work in office

  • Wednesday I have work secret santa and a playdate and then supposed to go to cinema for xmas movie with my partner
  • Thursday i have my book group secret santa
  • Friday I'm helping on the door for my friend's xmas concert and finishing xmas shopping
  • Saturday I've to take my dd to cinema with her friend, then to a birthday party, then help out at my mum's xmas fayre, then meeting friends for our annual xmas lunch
  • Sunday I've to meet my aunt and partner for lunch as won't see her over xmas
  • Monday night booked in hotel
  • Tuesday xmas eve cleaning wrapping presents etc
  • xmas day at restaurant then sisters
  • 26th a in laws
  • 27th day off
  • 28th concert in town
  • 29th carnival with in laws kids
  • 30th nothing
  • 31st panto and meal

I actually feel sick and wonder if this level of activity is normal or if there is something wrong with me? Also what should I cancel bearing in mind I don't want to let people down. Also how do others avoid getting into such situations!?

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 17/12/2024 01:40

If you have a heavy cold you should stay away from others until you are better, or youll be giving them your cold for Christmas

Cheerupluv123 · 17/12/2024 01:42

Please do cancel, partly for your own sake and partly for the sake of all the people who don't want to catch your heavy cold right before Christmas. Hope you feel better soon!

Original poster
Balaclava1000 · 17/12/2024 01:42

Thanks that is probably true3

OP posts:
SwordToFlamethrower · 17/12/2024 01:42

That's too much, cancel the lot

Original poster
Balaclava1000 · 17/12/2024 01:46

Does everyone else get into these situations or is it just me? I need to schedule in no more than 1 activity a month i think.

OP posts:
TotallyTwisted · 17/12/2024 01:47

If you're not well then yes, cancel the vast majority of that. I would prioritise the Saturday activities with your DD, Monday night in the hotel if it's non-refundable and Christmas day itself. And the panto on the 31st. But only if you are feeling up to them. Forget everything else.

To answer your question, I've learnt that I can cope with maybe one evening activity per week and one weekend social thing a fortnight. I try and keep every other weekend free for downtime or just pottering. I need it.

PeloMom · 17/12/2024 01:49

I schedule 1 thing a week and start from first week of November so it’s well spread out with a week of nothing in November and a week of no plans in December. Just reading your plan made me tired 😆

Original poster
Balaclava1000 · 17/12/2024 01:52

TotallyTwisted · 17/12/2024 01:47

If you're not well then yes, cancel the vast majority of that. I would prioritise the Saturday activities with your DD, Monday night in the hotel if it's non-refundable and Christmas day itself. And the panto on the 31st. But only if you are feeling up to them. Forget everything else.

To answer your question, I've learnt that I can cope with maybe one evening activity per week and one weekend social thing a fortnight. I try and keep every other weekend free for downtime or just pottering. I need it.

Edited

Thank you I'm feeling completely overwhelmed and I appreciate the help prioritising

OP posts:
ProfTeeCee · 17/12/2024 01:55

I feel as you do at the moment. Dreadful cold and lots to do. I'm cancelling as much as possible to avoid spreading whatever lurgy I have and to recharge my batteries.

TheM55 · 17/12/2024 02:05

"Normal" is a concept, some can bear more than others but this is a fairly heavy duty schedule, especially if you are not feeling well. You are not foolish either, you could easily achieve this if you were on top form. Work out what you CAN cancel and do it now, don't drift on, agree with your partner that you are ill so cinema date is out and more help is needed. Give priority over things that won't happen again, or that you value (or that have committed costs) Look, - your book club won't be arsed, and better you get your excuse in early, if you feel bad about the Secret Santa, buy a £10 Amazon gift card and give it to a book club mate to take. Some of the other things are harder to dodge, but with a day or two to take it easy in between, might be bearable. You need to look after yourself if you are ill. I was faced with the same sort of schedule about 6 years ago and I was completely wiped out by Christmas Day because I was ill to start with, and tried to keep going, ended up in bed all day. If you do not give yourself time to recover, it really just does get worse. Hope you can de-invite yourself xx

Mmhmmn · 17/12/2024 02:08

Cancel Weds, Thurs, Fri then see where you are? Secret Santas are not worth frazzling yourself over.

TheM55 · 17/12/2024 02:09

Also, tomorrow is a different day, and hopefully you may feel slightly better and not as overwhelmed, but yeah, cut back on what you can, and prioritise yourself xxx

Moonlicker · 17/12/2024 02:16

There's a great podcast episode that might help you, by a lovely author called Natalie Lue. It's on figuring out what your "bandwidth" is. She has a lot of podcast episodes (archived now, but available) on helping people improve their boundaries & stuff like that. Hope this is of some benefit https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/podcast-ep-100-are-you-over-your-bandwidth-you-are-not-the-energiser-bunny/

Podcast Ep. 100: Are You Exceeding Your Bandwidth? (You Are Not The Energizer Bunny)

Are you draining your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual bandwidth by spending your time doing stuff you that you don't want to?

https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/podcast-ep-100-are-you-over-your-bandwidth-you-are-not-the-energiser-bunny

Original poster
Balaclava1000 · 17/12/2024 02:38

Moonlicker · 17/12/2024 02:16

There's a great podcast episode that might help you, by a lovely author called Natalie Lue. It's on figuring out what your "bandwidth" is. She has a lot of podcast episodes (archived now, but available) on helping people improve their boundaries & stuff like that. Hope this is of some benefit https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/podcast-ep-100-are-you-over-your-bandwidth-you-are-not-the-energiser-bunny/

Thanks will check it out x

OP posts:
LostittoBostik · 17/12/2024 02:41

Balaclava1000 · 17/12/2024 01:46

Does everyone else get into these situations or is it just me? I need to schedule in no more than 1 activity a month i think.

At this time of year, yes. Which is women on here are all sick and ill and coming apart at the seams before we've even got to the big day (which we're all organising too).

I'm also dealing with insomnia, endless kids commitments and a massive work deadline this week and it's all unbearable.

Original poster
Balaclava1000 · 17/12/2024 02:43

LostittoBostik · 17/12/2024 02:41

At this time of year, yes. Which is women on here are all sick and ill and coming apart at the seams before we've even got to the big day (which we're all organising too).

I'm also dealing with insomnia, endless kids commitments and a massive work deadline this week and it's all unbearable.

Show quote history

Sorry you're feeling rotten too!

OP posts:
Bowies · 17/12/2024 02:52

It’s because you aren’t well you feel overwhelmed by what you’ve planned.

It does seem over scheduled but common to have a lot on around Christmas.

I push back though and have told some people it will have to be after Christmas when we meet.

Do you plan ‘down days’ for yourself? It helps me to block out at least one day a week which isn’t scheduled.

Longer run it could help stop you getting run down and overwhelmed, but of course a cold can happen to anyone and also commonly seasonal.

Short term cancel the next few days and see how you feel after that.

Powderblue1 · 17/12/2024 02:58

I'd cancel the next few days as you're sick anyways and don't want to pass it on- the perfect excuse and try to streamline wheat you've got booked in. Do it early and tell your friends and family you're unwell and burnt out.

I used to do this and overcommit. Now I spread activities out so start xmassy days out late nov and spread across the weeks instead of all at once and I say no to things and try and prioritise some downtime if I can. Although currently stressing as committed to nye plans and 2 nights in London straight afterwards and wish I hadn't tbh!

daisychain01 · 17/12/2024 03:03

I'd definitely pull out of the book club Secret Santa, ans you don't want to give them your germs and ask your aunt if you can meet them in the New Year when you're feeling better.

those seem to be the two commitments that will cause least disruption.

Saturday I've to take my dd to cinema with her friend, then to a birthday party, then help out at my mum's xmas fayre, then meeting friends for our annual xmas lunch

your New Year's resolution needs to be to stop overcommitting yourself. even on a day when you're feeling well, this is waaaaay too much to do in one day!

Bounty9 · 17/12/2024 03:05

Last week we went away for a Christmas break tue - fri, then did a kids Xmas party Saturday morning and lunch with in laws, drove to bath in the afternoon to see my dad and stayed over, did a Xmas market on the Sunday morning and then drove to see my sister and did a reindeer grotto. Got home Sunday night and was physically ill Monday from exhaustion.

Cancel the plans… I’ve learnt my lesson for next year! It’s ridiculous.

Flidina · 17/12/2024 03:08

I'd not do any of it, and just tell people I was too ill, and just concentrate on resting and getting better.It took me a long time to realise that sometimes you just have to prioritise yourself when your sick. I also am now very wary of over committing to things, I was always worried about letting people down. I'm no longer a people pleaser, and not afraid to say no to events, people etc.

XmasSocks · 17/12/2024 03:21

Keep -

Saturday at the cinema with your daughter

Then Monday onwards if you feel well enough

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 17/12/2024 03:24

That's more social activity than I've done in 10 years!!

suki1964 · 17/12/2024 03:26

I have used the fact that I have a stinking cold as the excuse NOT to be socialising

Dont know if you are UK but if you are, it cant have escaped you that the NHS is under so much pressure for beds for those with flu and pneumonia they are begging for people to get their jabs this week ( I got a text today to invite me in - Im getting jagged Thursday )

No need to be there for SS's, you can unwrap in the new year, just drop yours off

The only before Christmas I would do from that lot is the DD's taxi service , and only on the proviso of age and location, If old enough and can be reached by PT -let her go alone

UniqueOP · 17/12/2024 03:38

Your schedule would be way too much for me. When will you have time to do all the normal things like shop, cook, housework, pay bills, do laundry etc.? I could do twice a week activities and no more. (I don't have kids but work a very demanding full-time job and am single so have to do everything myself.)