ExH allowed 13 year old to babysit Step Siblings

[RobertGrayson]

DD turned 13 in September and typically sees her Dad every other weekend. Sometimes he can be away with work for weeks at a time with work (not his fault ofc), this year in particular there has been two separate occasions where he has not seen her for 6 weeks.

He will collect her Friday from school and return her home on Sunday afternoon.

During our catch up after she was dropped home on Sunday, she let me know that she babysat her two step siblings, 2 and 5, on Saturday night whilst her Dad and his Wife went to the pub and cinema. DD has explained that the Cinema is approx. 20 minutes away, they left at 7:30pm and returned at 12:30am.

AIBU to think that:

1. She is not old enough to be responsible for a toddler/young child.
2. Considering he sees her 15% of the time (at best) that they could have spent some time with her instead and not left her alone for a date night.

As an aside, she was paid £10, which I think is also a piss take.

I've spoken with ExH to say that I am unhappy, he didn't put up much of a fight so I doubt it'll ever happen again, but it's really playing on my mind still. Am I being oversensitive?

My DDs babysat at 13 but this was her time with her dad. He should have taken her out for a meal or at least spent time at home with her.
And if she agrees to babysit again she should tell him her hourly rate —-£10 for a whole evening doesn’t cut it!!

I can't see the issue with the babysitting in general, but he should be spending his contact time with her, not pissing off down the pub.

13 is too young. NSPCC say shouldn't be under 16. My DD started babysitting for me (for her half-sibling) when she was 16, and I paid her £25 and a Dominos! But even then I was out from about 7pm-10.30pm.

Also - children under 16 years can't be prosecuted for neglect etc of children in their care, the parents are still liable and would be charged if such a situation arose.

Where does the nspcc say that?

I think 13 is fine.

I wouldn’t leave my 13 year old alone for that length of time at night never mind her caring for 2 much smaller children.

What an asshole. If I could only see my child every other weekend I would maximise my time spent with them. Not fuck off on date night with dollybird. I can't imagine how that must have made your daughter feel...used probably. Why couldn't they have gone out on the weekend where he is child free. If that was my kid's dad I would be giving him hell over this.

Hold on

So 'his' weekend - he fucked off out while his daughter WHO'D GONE TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM looked after the younger kids?

Fuck THAT

She's just his poorly paid skivvy

13 is, generally, more than old enough for babysitting.

£10 is an absolute pisstake. I hate people who claim younger ones should be paid less because they have less experience/ no training and what not. It's the same children you are babysitting, it's the same amount of time you are giving away. The children will play up or sleep just the same while you are watching tv.

For the rest, yes, of course it's awful he didn't plan something with her!

Did he even ASK if she was in the mood for babysitting, or sounds like she was forced to do it! In which case, £10 is even more unacceptable.

You are not being over sensitive at all.

As it was on contact I do think it was a bit shit to leave her.

I was babysitting at 14 and so were my teens.

Can't see anything wrong with babysitting at 13, but £10 is too little pay, not clear if she had a choice, the 2 year old is too young, and coming back at 12.30am is a piss take! I wouldn't be happy with this.

Just re-read the post and saw that they weren't home until half past midnight! Leaving a 13 year old for FIVE hours with 2 very young children to put to bed, one of whom probably isn't toilet trained (forgive me as I have no children and may not be certain about development milestones)... I would be absolutely fucking livid if I were you.

This. Can't understand how calm some of the other commenters are being about this.

How does she feel about it? Some teens thrive on responsibility. I think a sensible 13yo is fine to be in charge of presumably sleeping 2 and 5yos. Woefully underpaid though. Going rate is more like £10ph for a teenage babysitter these days.

It absolutely doesn't say that!

It's only some anxious parents who can't imagine leaving their own teenagers alone until they are well in their 20s, let alone caring for younger ones.

But in this situation, the father is still a CF

I'd genuinely be asking her if she wants to continue going there. If she's old enough to babysit she's old enough to make that choice. What a shit dad, he barely sees her as it is.

The dad is a cf though, £10 for a whole evening?!

I'd say 13 is fine to babysit. Presumably it went ok? If she's happy to do it then fine. If she doesn't want to then make sure she knows she can refuse. The payment offered is a bit low, but presumably she accepted it? To just watch the kids in a vague manner from the house she would've been sitting in anyway? Many teens would be asked to do that for nothing for their siblings.
If she wants more she can negotiate.
But you can't have it both ways, saying she's too young but also she deserves more money. It can't be both.

Oh come on. She's not 16. She's not long turned 13 and is still a child herself and needs taken care of, emotionally as well as physically.

they both might be potty-trained, or just one, or none, who knows. Neither of these scenario are exceptional😁

I was babysitting at that age myself, only job you can really earn money when you are young, so it's absolutely fine - provided the babysitter offers her service, not being forced by her dad and is being paid a decent rate!

again, I was babysitting at that age, and we didn't have mobile phones!

Her age in itself is absolutely fine. She's not being asked to raise them and be in charge of the house, she's just looking after 2 young kids for a few hours. On that aspect alone, it's a non-issue.

whs does dd think?

NSPCC say all sorts of stuff - they also say children shouldn't be left home alone until they're 12

Sounds like a shit excuse of a father when he barely sees her he using her as cheap childcare to take his wife on a date night. That’s crap.