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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call things off because of the way he dresses?

109 replies

revenp · 16/12/2024 12:09

I work in a healthcare so wear a uniform, man I've been on a couple of dates on often works in my department and is always in scrubs.

The way he dresses, really gives me the ick. I was so attracted to him before, but now I've seen him outside of work in his own clothes j barely am.

We haven't slept together yet.

Should I just get over this? I don't know how!

OP posts:
Westfacing · 16/12/2024 15:08

revenp · 16/12/2024 12:18

Perhaps I'm just shallow?

I was so attracted to him right up until the point I saw how he was dressed in person.

Show quote history

I was so attracted to him right up until the point I saw how he was dressed in person.

'In person' made me laugh!

I see you're in Healthcare - as a retired nurse see your point Grin

We see so many men's naked bodies in all their glory that what they wear in 'in person' takes on extra importance. A colleague in scrubs can look great, as can we all as they're flattering, but he needs to look good in mufti!

If he's a nice guy, give him a chance.

Mirabai · 16/12/2024 15:38

Dotto · 16/12/2024 12:20

Are skinny-jeaned men less virulent I wonder?!

😆 virile?

Mirabai · 16/12/2024 15:41

I’m torn because on the one hand his outfit was dire & I would have the same reaction; on the other if you really connect you could sort his wardrobe out.

But my hunch is that you don’t fancy him as much as you need to.

Pensionswew · 16/12/2024 15:44

Not shallow.
That ain't a pretty picture.
The white sports shoes being a real low point. 😁

DelphiniumBlue · 16/12/2024 15:48

I once dumped someone because I hated his suit. I wouldn't neccessarily do that now, but if someone can't see that their own clothing is inappropriate ( eg skinny jeans, particularly on an older man) then could you trust their judgement?
Mind you, DH still favours very slim jeans, I'm trying to wean him off them, but it's a slow process. He is actually a decent bloke.
Maybe take new bloke out shopping, if he's nice in other ways?

Skepticgal · 16/12/2024 15:49

I think you are likely young. You may look back in years ahead and think, I let a good one get away because of clothes, what an eejit! But if it turns you off I guess that's it.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 16/12/2024 15:53

Porcuporpoise · 16/12/2024 12:15

So you're not well suited, move on.

I see what you did there :D

Normallynumb · 16/12/2024 16:02

It wouldn't bother me personally but I'm 60 and go for personality.
If you were to meet him dressed like that on tinder etc, would you swipe like?( or whatever it is)
I guess that is your answer, but doyou find him interesting, kind and funny as a person, or would you want to know?
In a nutshell yes I think it's shallow

Uricon2 · 16/12/2024 16:09

I'm still fond of the 80s smart suit/jacket and tie look. I married (very happily) 2 men who, shall we say, did not embrace my desired aesthetic. At all.

If you really liked and fancied him, his (not terribly out there) look wouldn't matter, as others have rightly said. Do you think that you're put off because it highlights the age difference in some way?

PaymentAccepted · 16/12/2024 16:16

FestiveFruitloop · 16/12/2024 14:46

I call that a 'Chandler from Friends' shirt.

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Yes! I hated Chandler in those.

Ineedanewsofa · 16/12/2024 16:26

Does he dress like one of those guys from the meme, tight skinny trousers, white trainers and a tight top? Bit like Jonny Bravo?!
I refused a second date with a guy who showed up to the first date in a fluro orange football shirt, so no judgement here! The ick is the ick, regardless of what triggers it…

moonshinepoursthroughmywindow · 16/12/2024 16:30

I think if you were truly attracted to him it wouldn't be so much of a problem, so if it is, you're not.

TwistedWonder · 16/12/2024 16:30

Ineedanewsofa · 16/12/2024 16:26

Does he dress like one of those guys from the meme, tight skinny trousers, white trainers and a tight top? Bit like Jonny Bravo?!
I refused a second date with a guy who showed up to the first date in a fluro orange football shirt, so no judgement here! The ick is the ick, regardless of what triggers it…

I’m not young (50+) and I’ve refused second dates when guys have dressed badly on the first. I’ve looked like he’d slept in a wheely bin, another wore flip flops and a football shirt.
Style is very important to me to it shows a basic incompatibility.

As for taking him out shopping - it’s not a woman’s job to teach a grown man how to dress well.

therealpatmustard · 16/12/2024 16:47

Move on.

I once got the ick from a Boyfriend who made some makeshift jean shorts with rips. I didn't dump him at that point, but I fear it marked the beginning of the end.

I learnt from my mistake and finished with another guy shortly after because he had a horrendous flip flop with shiny brown Adidas tracksuit bottoms combo.

For the record, DH has never worn anything that has given me the ick, it could be because I just genuinely am attracted to him regardless, or he might just not have a shite fashion sense.

kittybiscuits · 16/12/2024 17:05

I think I could forgive someone who's a bit clueless/needs an update, more than someone who actually made an effort to dress like this bloke did. The only caveat would be if he took sartorial advice from someone clueless and doesn't normally dress like this - maybe stalk his social media, just in case.

mistification · 16/12/2024 17:09

Hm. I've got to admit my DH was a terrible dresser, but I figured I could steer him in the right direction (he wore briefs, fgs) anyway the upshot is we got married, because his issue was a lack of interest in clothes/fashion so it was easy to mould him into someone presentable.

However....someone wearing skinny jeans and white trainers clearly thinks he's dressing well - it's like he's making statement choices. So I think he's probably beyond help, sorry.

Clarabell77 · 16/12/2024 17:10

revenp · 16/12/2024 12:14

So, I know this won't be an ick for a lot of people here. I think it may be generational, as he is a decade older than me.

Skinny jeans, fluorescent coloured boxers, all white Ted baker trainers. They're the worst parts for me.

YANBU.

Unrealnotunrealistic · 16/12/2024 17:27

Maybe he thought he was dressing for your generation if there’s some age difference?

lionloaf · 16/12/2024 17:34

revenp · 16/12/2024 12:24

Somewhere in-between that. They skinner than slim, but not skin tight either.

I've seen the boxers poking out.

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Does he have MySpace and shop at TopMan? lol

I think you have two choices: either bin him off, or give it a few months and start to subtly nudge him in the right direction.

He sounds like he hasn’t updated his style in years. Has he had a relationship recently? Maybe he just needs a bit of a steer and would be glad of the help?

TheChosenTwo · 16/12/2024 17:36

Yanbu, if the attraction isn’t there it isn’t there.
You know it’s not your business to tell him how to dress, I think you’re just not on the same wavelength. No problem though, someone will be okay with how he dresses- it just isn’t you.
I think it’s okay to cool things off based on this.
I’d feel the same about going for a drink with a guy who wore a band/comic sort of tshirt. Instant turn off for me. And that’s also fine!

BrightYellowStar · 16/12/2024 17:40

I have to say that when I see handsome men wearing skinny jeans I also instantly get the ick. Worse still when they are exposing their ankles and wearing shiny white clumpy trainers. Nope! I'd have to call it a day.

BestIsWest · 16/12/2024 17:42

I hated the shoes DH wore on our first date. Really awful. Did put me off tbh but he did make me laugh so much I chanced a second date. Here we are.

I never told him though and he bought a second identical pair to wear at our wedding.

Butterfly8719 · 16/12/2024 17:48

Dump. You won’t see past it. I’ve dated guys whose dress sense gave me the ick and it never worked out. You have to be attracted to them.

Kerplonker · 16/12/2024 18:48

PaymentAccepted · 16/12/2024 14:13

I hate this style of shirt with the panels. I would never date someone who wore this.

OMG my ex had one of these in brown & orange. It was his favourite top. His insistence on wearing on every date did nothing to enhance our relationship.

Disturbia81 · 16/12/2024 19:09

BrightYellowStar · 16/12/2024 17:40

I have to say that when I see handsome men wearing skinny jeans I also instantly get the ick. Worse still when they are exposing their ankles and wearing shiny white clumpy trainers. Nope! I'd have to call it a day.

It's so funny how easily we get the ick isn't it. Men can have sex with sheep, dogs, blowup dolls, robots, melons etc
We could meet a really great guy but little things will put us off 😆