To think they will take my children off me.

[Outandabout43]

Had a call last week from SS. DSS who has additional needs has made a report at school in regards to physical abuse from DH.

We know exactly the incident he is referring to and the story has been told not including the whole truth and also exaggerated.

DH has spoken to DSS school and they have stated they know DSS can often twist the truth as to not get himself in trouble, however they have to follow safe guarding procedure.

So this leaves us with a visit from SS this week. I feel sick. I know they are only following procedures and it's a good thing that the allegation has been taken seriously but you hear all these horror stories that SS lie and are child snatchers.

Neither me nor DH have ever been physical to the children, we tell them off if naughty and shout if they are in danger. They attend school, well fed, appropriately dressed, just an average family.

DSD lives mainly with Mum and sees us on weekends and holidays, I'm so scared they will say we can no longer see him, or remove DD into care (DD lives with us fully)

Anyone else been through this??

YABU to not tell us what the incident was. Which leads me to believe you’re minimising something pretty horrible.

Honestly it's nothing horrible. He hit dad and dad restrained, no bruising, no marcs just a restraint. DSS has also made allegations against mum and Step dad so they are also having a visit.

Why do we need all the details of a false allegation, @SWLondonLurker? You sound quite prurient.

Is DSD a typo?

You think that the details of the (allegedly) false allegation have no bearing on whether or not they’re likely to ‘take her kids off her’? Which is what this thread is about?

Okay, then.

I strongly doubt your kids will be taken away under these circumstances. Social workers see this sort of situation all the time.

Nobody is going to take your children away. The very, very worst that could happen is that your dh would have to live separately whilst this incident was investigated but - given that it's an allegation of physical abuse not backed up with evidence- I highly doubt even that would be a possibility. I would expect SS to investigate then close the case.

Social Services are not child snatchers, whatever you might read. The bar to remove children is incredibly high. It's more likely that you will be offered som help and support, especially if you are at the stage of having to restrain a child to prevent them injuring you.

People can't put such outing details on here.

I have friends with children with severe hyperactivity and autism. A child of 9 years old physically lashing out can be difficult to deal with while trying to restrain. It's unbelievable how strong they can be.

OP don't worry, SS won't be taking your child off you! Just tell them the truth be calm and open. Ask for support if you feel you need it. They have to do due diligence. As you know they get racked over the coals when they overlook things like this and it turns out to be genuine abuse.

Hopefully your DSS will also realise that lies or exaggerations have consequences, since I'm assuming he probably wishes to remain living at home!

We've sadly seen from recent cases in the news that the threshold for removing children from their parents is incredibly high. If there is no abuse, I'd say that there is zero chance of the kids being taken away from you.

What concerns me here is that you're not denying that the incident reported by dss happened, even if he did leave out certain parts and exaggerated others. It sounds like your husband did cross the line. Also, the fact that you're worried about social services removing the children suggests to me that you may be afraid of what else the investigation might throw up. Does he have trouble regulating his behaviour towards the children? You do sound like you're desperate to minimise the incident tbh.

If there is an issue with your DH, then please don't be one of those mums who just stands by and lets the abuse happen. Face up to the reality of what is actually going on and ensure that the children's wellbeing is put first. No matter what.

Didn't you post about this last week.

Honestly there isn't. The logical side of me is we have done nothing wrong, they will come see this and all will be good.

However when you then start reading the stories of SS lying and exaggerating and taking children of their parents it makes me feel sick.

Even if there has been an incident, unless it is extreme, it is highly unlikely that your children will be removed. The emphasis for them to to change the circumstances - so support you and your partner to be better parents. In some cases they may ask the alleged abuser to move out whilst working with the parents and children to help everyone move forward. Removing children from the families is always the last resort, and there is a high legal threshold that they have to meet to do so.

That said, who'd be a social worker these days? If you remove the children you are doing wrong; if you don't remove them; you are doing wrong. It is always the social worker or other public authority who get the blame, and they get it whatever they decide to do. Small wonder they can't find people who want to do the job now.

If the child is hitting his dad and his dad is having to hold him down to stop him, it sounds as if all is not well at home. Talking to SS might lead to you getting some help and making some changes.
As pp have said, they don't remove children from the home lightly so this is a very unlikely outcome

If DSS is making allegations of physical abuse against both of his parents then whether they’re true or not, social services involvement is a good thing: happy, emotionally stable children don’t accuse their parents of hurting them for shits and giggles. They’re not going to “take the children off you” based solely on this, but they can help with much needed family and parenting support.

What concerns me here is that you're not denying that the incident reported by dss happened, even if he did leave out certain parts and exaggerated others. It sounds like your husband did cross the line.

Crossed the line? By trying to restrain the child who was being violent, and succeeding in not harming him in any way while doing so? So where is your line - allowing the child to continue being violent & just stand there taking it? Do tell us what you would do in these circumstances please, assuming that you've ever had to deal with a violent child.

She subsequently did say what had happened and it isn’t outing.

There was one last week where the step daughter told her mum her dad had hurt her.

OP, this site is the last place I'd come to in the circumstances you describe. It's a hugely emotional and sensitive issue and recent press about various cases are generating very polarised views and alot of black and white thinking.

It sounds as though you have a good relationship with the school, so keep that going. Are there any local advocacy or support groups you can reach out to who might be able to guide and support you through the process?

If extra support is the result of all this then that would obviously be a good thing, and building a trusting relationship with professionals is key.

I wish you and your family all the very best going forward x

happy, emotionally stable children don’t accuse their parents of hurting them for shits and giggles

This is a child with special needs - lashing out often comes with the territory.

that the allegation has been taken seriously but you hear all these horror stories that SS lie and are child snatcher
However when you then start reading the stories of SS lying and exaggerating and taking children of their parents it makes me feel sick.

I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. If anything, the stories I hear i that SS are a bit blase and that getting them to do anythiny for children in actual danger is almost impossible. I think you're being a bit ridiculous here.

Where are you reading stories about SS lying and exaggerating and taking children from their parents OP? Also why?

True. But she wasn't unreasonable as you declared, for not wishing to do so, nor was it necessary. Further extrapolation of the facts has done little to influence your previous opinion has it?

SS will do fuck all, as usual

Social Services will not remove your children for this reason. Foster placements are limited, and children are only taken into care as an absolute last resort. View the visit as a chance to seek additional support for your stepson's special needs.