To think they will take my children off me.

[Outandabout43]

Had a call last week from SS. DSS who has additional needs has made a report at school in regards to physical abuse from DH.

We know exactly the incident he is referring to and the story has been told not including the whole truth and also exaggerated.

DH has spoken to DSS school and they have stated they know DSS can often twist the truth as to not get himself in trouble, however they have to follow safe guarding procedure.

So this leaves us with a visit from SS this week. I feel sick. I know they are only following procedures and it's a good thing that the allegation has been taken seriously but you hear all these horror stories that SS lie and are child snatchers.

Neither me nor DH have ever been physical to the children, we tell them off if naughty and shout if they are in danger. They attend school, well fed, appropriately dressed, just an average family.

DSD lives mainly with Mum and sees us on weekends and holidays, I'm so scared they will say we can no longer see him, or remove DD into care (DD lives with us fully)

Anyone else been through this??

I think she was unreasonable not to initially share, yes. That’s why I said it. As she was asking whether there was any likelihood of her losing her kids and that entirely depends on the situation.

I think that you are unreasonable for:

• stating that people can't put such outing details on here when no outing details were requested;
• using ‘extrapolation’ incorrectly; and
• not just conceding that your initial comment to me was wrong and tagging me again with this nonsense.

Hopefully you will get the support that you need now, also just be wary if restraining as a child died because they were restrained incorrectly that is why all staff in schools and care settings that restrain are team teach trained.

Sorry but which stories are these where SS have lied and exaggerated and taken children from their parents? Because as we’ve seen multiple times in recent months they completely fail, repeatedly, to safeguard children in danger. I don’t see how SS can be so shambolic as to fail in their duty and save abused children, yet at the same time be so calculated and manipulative that they’re removing kids from their parents with no good reason….

MN in the mornings!😄🙄

Look, you went tagging me, I'm assuming to put me in my place? A sort of 'So there!' and now you're doubling down by pettily attempting to correct my verbage, it is childish and as shortsighted as your initial assumption out the gate, that the OP must be somehow withholding details out of guilt and not, as anyone who has been on MN for any amount of time is surely aware, of not wanting to give details on a sensitive subject, particularly one involving SS which is not unreasonable by any means. That would have been the natural assumption of a thinking person.

Yes please do me the favour of not tagging me again. You seem remarkably agitated. Go have tea or coffee or something.

It's a bit more complicated than that, sometimes they don't do proper diligence and a child dies, though usually after neighbours, teachers, healthcare workers and family have all attempted to alert them to issues.

But on the other hand they can also be a bit heavy handed in some cases.

We don't hear much about the latter cases due to the necessary secrecy of family courts.

Harsh, judgemental post,
OP, I have knowledge of a not too dissimilar situation and as hard as it is for you all, school have an obligation to follow policy.
I appreciate that you are dealing with a rollercoaster of emotions but I believe it will be alright.
Please take care of yourself, your husband also

Ss investigated us a few years ago because I phoned them in despair. My DH had been behaving really erratically for ages then I heard shouting and our LO came running out crying saying Daddy kicked me. I spoke to nursery before I dropped her in. He seemed completely bewildered.

A huge investigation followed and they were nothing but helpful. We were both completely transparent. They offered us lots of resources to help. He was struggling massively.

That was years ago and things were never bad again.

SS are not the enemy they are portrayed to be. Work with them.

Don't worry. They have to investigate, but they are also very understanding about the need to sometimes physically control out of control children with SN.

Thank you!

Well what was the incident ?

This post does not seem real.

You tagged me first, love. You initiated our exchange and everything I’ve said to you has been a reply. So, if you want it to stop, stop tagging me and I’ll stop replying.

And I’ve already addressed everything else, but it’s ‘verbiage’. 😁

The stories are usually that children have been kept with or given back to their family despite severe abuse.

Which stories?

The stories are usually of SS not removing children from abusive households.

dont know why but if your mother is the main carer has there been problems in the past which needed investigating and your son removed from your care

If you read the OP's posts you'll see she's already said.

And of said abusers denying their abuse towards the child and painting themselves as the victims. Abusers will lie and so when an abuser says they took my child away for no reason....it is a crock of shite. They want ppl to believe that they didn't have a part to play in it and are playing the victim.

Social media is full of “social services stole my baby” stories. If you dig a little below the surface you inevitably find a history of chaos, drugs, alcohol, neglect, abuse. But the people telling these stories don’t disclose any of that, they just tell them for sympathy and attention.

I get why you’re worried OP. But I agree with what’s already been said. Be open and honest and work with social services. Be clear where DSS needs more help. Children exaggerating is absolutely day to day for anyone working in children’s services, they know how to investigate properly.

It’s OP’s step child. The step child’s mother is their main carer.

Stay calm during the visit. State factually what happened. State how your husband restrained his child ( I’m hoping it was an approved method of child restraint) to prevent him harming anyone including himself.
Don’t accuse DSS of being a liar, or twisting the truth, try to remain positive.

I think at the most your DH will be offered safe restraining methods, maybe a parenting course. Can’t imagine SS would do anything else.

Social workers aren't likely to take children away- Sadly even in a recent case where a child was tortured to death the child wasn't removed from the abusive family.

Other children have died because social workers weren't proactive enough {bruises hidden by chocolate spread}

Be honest with the social workers.

''Social media is full of “social services stole my baby” stories. If you dig a little below the surface you inevitably find a history of chaos, drugs, alcohol, neglect, abuse. But the people telling these stories don’t disclose any of that, they just tell them for sympathy and attention.''

THIS ⬆️ .

No child is removed unless a desperately unsafe situation.
Even then, some unfortunate children slip through the net, the deceased children that we all hear of in the news. ''Lessons will be learned''...

Guess you couldn't help yourself could you? I just knew you wouldn't be able to resist not replying further.

You tagged me first, love. You initiated our exchange and everything I’ve said to you has been a reply

Well my lovely, you said you were fed up with replying. You seem to take offence to people tagging you at all, but it happens all the time on MN. Somehow, I seem to have massively triggered you by pointing out your rather hasty and ill judged conclusion to the OPs initial reply.

Touché on the 'verbiage' though. Feel calmer now? Good.

Petty? Very.

I never said I was fed up replying. You’re just making things up now. 🤣

The person who seems triggered here is you. You started this and I will keep replying as long as you keep tagging me. I’ve been very clear on this. So, feel free to carry on with your word salad spiralling. No skin off my nose.

@SWLondonLurker actually she didn't rage you first. She quoted you as something to respond with her experience that was different to your opinion.

It was other people that tagged you for being rude and judgemental without the slightest bit of evidence to justify the attitude

Hope that helps clarify 😎😁