Men who quit their jobs to avoid CM payments...

[Dweetfidilove]

How do they afford to live? I often read about exes that have quit their jobs to avoid paying CM. Are there that many self-employed/cash in hand/family support set ups that enable them to not work?

How do they pay their other bills? Where do they live? Presumably they're not all on benefits, as if they are, the DWP requires them to find employment at some point and sanctions them if they don't.

Surely you wouldn't just choose a life of struggle, just to spite your ex and children?

If your ex has given up his job to avoid CM payments, how does he support himself?

My ex started to claim CA for one of his step DC (his wife claimed for one, her sister claimed for the other previously) so he was on benefits but had no work commitments. He also works cash in hand and doesn't declare it. CMS think he earns less than £7 per week.

Might be worth reporting him to DWP

you should be able to request a variation from CMS but they’re shit at them and drag their heels a lot. Whereas if DWP remove the benefits then that should remove the protection of that, then they should life the SE amounts direct it from HMRC.

Yeah, my friend’s manipulative ex was self-employed and under-declared his income to avoid paying tax and CM. That came back to bite him during Covid, as he then wasn’t entitled to any furlough payments. 🤣

I also have a friend who’s a self-employed cleaner. She told me that “obviously” she doesn’t declare all her income. Then she moaned that she can’t get a mortgage!

If they are allegedly on lower income, perhaps passports should be withdrawn until they revert to paying the amount previously, unless they can prove concrete evidence (say to the standard that would be admissible in a criminal trial). Even then perhaps have a minimum say two thirds.

I bet plenty of those referred to still have a holiday in Spain or somewhere sunny each summer.

My ex is self employed and fiddles his books, I know he’s bringing home around £5k a month but his books say he’s earning £12k a year. I hope that pillock gets caught!

His ex will be a single income household regardless, because there isnt another adult with an income there. He shouldnt shamelessly decide, however, that his children must exist without his contribution, because that is irresponsible.

You may not have noticed, but we're discussing relinquishing responsibility for your children. SAHM are likely to have their children with them, in their household, making decisions that benefit the children. I'll stay home, you go to work and the £100 you take home will be stretched to feed all of us.

Where Bob has two children with his ex Bobisha and he's decided he will no longer take responsibility for those children and it's up to Bobisha to finance them singularly for whatever reason; he's an irresponsible shit.

Good grief! Imagine being actively encouraged to be bad at such an important job ☹️.
I'm sure those women you helped were most grateful for what you did.
Maybe the men complained about you though 😃.

I’m not a fan of the de facto stuff unless the couple share children. I know plenty of home owning women who don’t want to marry their partners because they’d rather keep finances separate. If I wanted to share all of my assets I’d get married or put all money and property in joint names. I agree that it would protect children in some instances (where the man owns a house and his partner and children are left homeless when the relationship breaks down).

I didn’t put in a claim until my teen decided they wanted to switch from 50/50 time to one night a week. The initial decision was a pretty small amount because ex was studying, only working part time, and was supporting his new wife’s child. His response to it was to quit his job and ask for it to be reassessed. Decision was amended to be £0. I can only assume he lives off savings, funding for study and his wife’s income.
Not long after that I noticed that my teen had stopped asking me for certain things. I was worried they were concerned that I couldn’t afford it, so reassured them that they should always tell me what they needed. “Nah Mum, it’s okay. I started asking Dad for more stuff cos it’s not like he pays for anything else.” I hadn’t told them this, their Dad had made reference to it in a woe is me style to try and get them onside. As a result their Dad ends up paying out more than he would have done if he had just paid the CMS amount. I probably shouldn’t be proud of my kid for the way they have gone about it, but after years of emotional abuse, coercion, manipulation and everything that was said and done to me when I plucked up the courage to leave their Dad all I can think is karma works in interesting ways (and that my kids (the other one has nothing to do with him) are more wise to his tactics than I give them credit for).

I have read many posts here about men,
have to say that most men are selfish,
sorry for those good one.

No because a) her point was that he was making enough money to pay, just not declaring it and b) where was the money to pay him back meant to come from, was she meant to un-feed her kids? Sell the clothes from their backs? Why is it her responsibility to pay for THEIR kids and not his?

I also have a friend whose ex was stopped at the airport returning to Australia. In this case he only owed 30k. He was British, maybe he was expecting the half arsed UK treatment so thought he was safe.

I don't understand the point of your posts. Are you saying it's okay that CM isn't reliably administered, because UC isn't affected by CM?

The simple answer is then don’t let them live in your house. And pay half your bills (lots do move in but the proof threshold is joint liability). And then when you are ready for a marriage level of commitment, you can hitch your wagon.

@Dweetfidilove

Hope she leaves him and takes the lot! Would be no more than he deserves.

They stayed together until (her) death they did part, unfortunately. I was in touch with him for a short time in my late teens but established for myself that he's a twat and haven't spoken to him for 20 years now. Apparently he's been dramatically exclaiming regret and lamenting his choices to family since she shuffled off the mortal coil. Shame 🤷🏻‍♀️