Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Men who quit their jobs to avoid CM payments...

140 replies

Dweetfidilove · 16/12/2024 08:48

How do they afford to live? I often read about exes that have quit their jobs to avoid paying CM. Are there that many self-employed/cash in hand/family support set ups that enable them to not work?

How do they pay their other bills? Where do they live? Presumably they're not all on benefits, as if they are, the DWP requires them to find employment at some point and sanctions them if they don't.

Surely you wouldn't just choose a life of struggle, just to spite your ex and children?

If your ex has given up his job to avoid CM payments, how does he support himself?

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 16/12/2024 11:20

lazyarse123 · 16/12/2024 10:54

I worked with a chap who had 3 girls with 2 women and was on his 3rd girlfriend who was pregnant.
He told me once that he doesn't pay Cm on the occasions when he doesn't see his girls.
I actually shouted at him that they're not pay per view, he didn't get it at all that the money was for the kids benefit. Absolute tosser saw him in a different light after that.

How shameless 😲. Absolute tosser.

OP posts:
NonPlayerCharacter · 16/12/2024 11:21

CharliesAngels81 · 16/12/2024 11:15

Pity women use this as a threat though

A greater pity so many men are so horribly selfish and irresponsible that they have to, and that people like you will still blame women for it.

UmbrellaEllaEllaElla · 16/12/2024 13:26

There seems to be a lack of shame around this. And it should be considered deeply shameful to be a man who brings children into the world with no thought about their care.

lazyarse123 · 16/12/2024 13:50

CharliesAngels81 · 16/12/2024 11:15

Pity women use this as a threat though

Very true and two wrongs don't make a right but he was a tosser in lots of ways, his girls never came first from what he told me.

JenniferBooth · 16/12/2024 14:27

CMS only counts income not savings?! Why is the rule different for deadbeat dads. For anyone else savings get taken into account, including for social care.

OutWithTheMule · 16/12/2024 14:34

Dweetfidilove · 16/12/2024 09:15

A SAHD dad without the means to otherwise fund the children he's sired? I couldn't be on board with that, no.

SAHMs don't fund their children, their husbands do, so what's the difference?

MyPithyPoster · 16/12/2024 14:36

JenniferBooth · 16/12/2024 14:27

CMS only counts income not savings?! Why is the rule different for deadbeat dads. For anyone else savings get taken into account, including for social care.

And benefits, the RP cannot have savings and benefits.

ARichtGoodDram · 16/12/2024 14:41

JenniferBooth · 16/12/2024 14:27

CMS only counts income not savings?! Why is the rule different for deadbeat dads. For anyone else savings get taken into account, including for social care.

Income from savings (interest etc) is counted (well should be).

and if there is a large debt then a one of payment can be taken from savings. It takes a massive fight to get it done, but it can be done

JenniferBooth · 16/12/2024 14:42

ARichtGoodDram · 16/12/2024 14:41

Income from savings (interest etc) is counted (well should be).

and if there is a large debt then a one of payment can be taken from savings. It takes a massive fight to get it done, but it can be done

Upthread a PP was told savings wernt counted

ARichtGoodDram · 16/12/2024 14:45

JenniferBooth · 16/12/2024 14:42

Upthread a PP was told savings wernt counted

Generally they’re not, but in the case of a large debt and large savings they can be.

in one case I dealt with the charming chap dodged paying for several years, then when he couldn’t dodge any further he quit his job ti live on his savings of many thousands of pounds. A one off lump was taken (as they can do but are often very reluctant to do so).

and any interest from savings counts as non earned income.

Maverickess · 16/12/2024 14:50

There seems to be a lack of shame around this. And it should be considered deeply shameful to be a man who brings children into the world with no thought about their care.

Thing is, the woman is at fault for the existence of the child in the first place, because biology dictates that she's the one who gets pregnant and gives birth, therefore the men are just a hapless victim in it all, 'forced' into this situation by scheming women just after their money and security, they have unprotected sex in good faith, how can they be expected to know that it might result in them fathering a child? It's a well kept secret, and nothing exists to help them protect themselves from this happening, and of course having sex is an absolute must, it's non negotiable and impossible to consider abstinence as an option, I mean the concequences of that to men do not bear thinking about.

Add to that that once a child is conceived the woman is the one who makes the decision to keep it or not and of course men are simply victims of women in all this.

It's been that way since Eve took the first bite of that apple, she was the one who ate some and tricked Adam into eating some, she was too tempted to ignore the serpent and so everything from then on - her fault, women's fault.

Or it could all just be a load of bollocks designed by men in power as far back as you care to go, to excuse their own shitty behaviour and shift it onto someone else and feel vindicated doing so, and it's so engrained that it still happens in today's world, but with a modern set of parameters.

Dweetfidilove · 16/12/2024 14:51

OutWithTheMule · 16/12/2024 14:34

SAHMs don't fund their children, their husbands do, so what's the difference?

The difference is they likely haven't left some children behind them for an ex to raise without support.

This is not a SAHD vs SAHM conversation, but one where a man goes off and quits his job to raise another family, forgetting that his other children cannot exist on air.

OP posts:
Snorlaxo · 16/12/2024 14:52

Students pay zero (not even yeh £7pw that people on benefits pay) and I believe that people living on a pension or redundancy payout don’t pay either.

Dweetfidilove · 16/12/2024 14:56

ARichtGoodDram · 16/12/2024 14:45

Generally they’re not, but in the case of a large debt and large savings they can be.

in one case I dealt with the charming chap dodged paying for several years, then when he couldn’t dodge any further he quit his job ti live on his savings of many thousands of pounds. A one off lump was taken (as they can do but are often very reluctant to do so).

and any interest from savings counts as non earned income.

So it is true that the powers are there, but no-one has the will to exercise them.
It must be so satisfying whenever you have a small victory.

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 16/12/2024 14:59

Dweetfidilove · 16/12/2024 14:56

So it is true that the powers are there, but no-one has the will to exercise them.
It must be so satisfying whenever you have a small victory.

It is true, they have so many powers but there is zero political will for them to be used.

I only worked there a short time but the small victories were good.
i quit after my third telling off for being “too aggressive” with people - that “aggression” was not allowing a man who’d dodged payment for 4 years to have another extension on paying 🙄

Dweetfidilove · 16/12/2024 15:03

Maverickess · 16/12/2024 14:50

There seems to be a lack of shame around this. And it should be considered deeply shameful to be a man who brings children into the world with no thought about their care.

Thing is, the woman is at fault for the existence of the child in the first place, because biology dictates that she's the one who gets pregnant and gives birth, therefore the men are just a hapless victim in it all, 'forced' into this situation by scheming women just after their money and security, they have unprotected sex in good faith, how can they be expected to know that it might result in them fathering a child? It's a well kept secret, and nothing exists to help them protect themselves from this happening, and of course having sex is an absolute must, it's non negotiable and impossible to consider abstinence as an option, I mean the concequences of that to men do not bear thinking about.

Add to that that once a child is conceived the woman is the one who makes the decision to keep it or not and of course men are simply victims of women in all this.

It's been that way since Eve took the first bite of that apple, she was the one who ate some and tricked Adam into eating some, she was too tempted to ignore the serpent and so everything from then on - her fault, women's fault.

Or it could all just be a load of bollocks designed by men in power as far back as you care to go, to excuse their own shitty behaviour and shift it onto someone else and feel vindicated doing so, and it's so engrained that it still happens in today's world, but with a modern set of parameters.

This did make me laugh 😃.

Funnily enough, the Bible itself didn't blame Eve. It says - 'But the LORD God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?”"

It's the men who've since interpreted the Bible in a way that avoids their lack of discipline, just as they've decided baby making and rearing is all a trap to take all their money 🤦🏾‍♀️.

OP posts:
OoohChristmastreeee · 16/12/2024 15:05

SharpOpalNewt · 16/12/2024 09:35

It's ridiculous as not only is it bad for their families but these deadbeat dads cost the taxpayer money as the mum ends up having to claim Universal Credit/a lot more UC than she would if the men just paid up.

Governments always want to go after single mothers and carers working and earning 50p more than they are allowed to while claiming benefits but never pursue these men.

Edited

CMs isn’t taken into account so she would get the same amount of UC anyway. Iv never heard anyone say ‘hang on, I get CMS so pay me less UC’ 😂

JenniferBooth · 16/12/2024 15:08

This will be at least part of the reason that the birth rate is dropping Women are fed up with this crap.

ARichtGoodDram · 16/12/2024 15:08

OoohChristmastreeee · 16/12/2024 15:05

CMs isn’t taken into account so she would get the same amount of UC anyway. Iv never heard anyone say ‘hang on, I get CMS so pay me less UC’ 😂

It did used to affect benefit entitlement.

It only doesn’t count because of the huge debt that ended up being owed to the Sec of State under the last system. So many non-payers and the debt was ridiculous so it was decided something needed to be done. Which was that RP’s could keep all the money that so many of them weren’t going to get

Prior to that maintenance counted as income for benefits. My grandparents started every week £34 a week down as benefits counted the maintenance ny father was ordered to pay, but the then CSA didn’t actually collect any from him.

bifurCAT · 16/12/2024 15:09

I think things like this prove (to me at least) that a large, probably significantly large number of men don't actually care for/about kids. I get the impression that many simply agree to have them because they have been 'badgered' into them by the woman they're with and then when things get hard, and the woman stops giving them attention, the rats jump ship.

OutWithTheMule · 16/12/2024 15:10

Dweetfidilove · 16/12/2024 14:51

The difference is they likely haven't left some children behind them for an ex to raise without support.

This is not a SAHD vs SAHM conversation, but one where a man goes off and quits his job to raise another family, forgetting that his other children cannot exist on air.

No a SAHDs children can't live on thing air, they have to live on one income, which is exactly what they would have to do if they had a SAHM.

ParkedTheBroomstickNowWhat · 16/12/2024 15:10

My ex works as a volunteer in a business run by his uncle and cousin...his mum also works for them so I suspect she's on more pay than she should technically be as it's his and he lives out of her bank account.

OoohChristmastreeee · 16/12/2024 15:10

ARichtGoodDram · 16/12/2024 15:08

It did used to affect benefit entitlement.

It only doesn’t count because of the huge debt that ended up being owed to the Sec of State under the last system. So many non-payers and the debt was ridiculous so it was decided something needed to be done. Which was that RP’s could keep all the money that so many of them weren’t going to get

Prior to that maintenance counted as income for benefits. My grandparents started every week £34 a week down as benefits counted the maintenance ny father was ordered to pay, but the then CSA didn’t actually collect any from him.

But it doesn’t anymore and it hasn’t for years so what’s the point in your post? We are talking about now, not in your grandparents era

ARichtGoodDram · 16/12/2024 15:13

OoohChristmastreeee · 16/12/2024 15:10

But it doesn’t anymore and it hasn’t for years so what’s the point in your post? We are talking about now, not in your grandparents era

My era. My grandparents brought me up.

The point is that the only reason it doesn’t currently count is because the government at the time, and every one since, have ignored it.

Rather than implementing a system whereby NRP’s are made to pay reliably so it could count as income.

Each time the system has been changed there has been zero effort into actually addressing the problem - non payers.

cadburyegg · 16/12/2024 15:16

My exh has gone self employed and the CMS say he doesn't have to pay any maintenance because he's on benefits too. I have no idea how much he earns but presumably it would be easy enough for him just to not declare the money.

They don't check accounts, he has 100k in his bank account from me buying him out of the house, so he shouldn't be eligible for benefits at all.

As a single parent earning under the PAYE system I am expected to work 30 hours a week (which I am happy to) but it boggles my brain that there's no similar expectation on my exh, who has considerably more flexibility over when he can work.

Swipe left for the next trending thread