Has his own money but took out of savings

[DustyLee123]

DH has some money put away from an inheritance, yet he’s taken money from our joint savings to pay for his family’s Xmas presents. AIBU to suggest he uses his own inheritance money to buy his family presents, when I use my wages for mine?
YABU - of course he can use joint savings for his family presents
YANBU - he should use his inheritance for his family’s presents

YABU. His money co tributes to those savings so he has a right to use them however he chooses, as do you.

If he’s gone overboard then I agree he should use his own money.

You and DH have different ideas about how money and expenses are shared which is going to be stressful. The two of you need to talk about it in a more general way not just each about each instance.

That’s what I mean, OP. You thought of your potential inheritance as a joint benefit, he thinks of his as his own, and secret from you. I’d be disappointed too.

I am confused here - what is all this "his money" "my money" stuff? If you are married and have been a long time then it's all just "our money" - including his inheritance.

If either of you don't like that idea you probably shouldn't have got married in the first place.

You're not confused you're just taking a swipe at how some married couples organise their finances.

Anything that is joint needs approval from both - you brought from your sole money. He needs to top it back up. And while he’s at it - put all the inheritance in - it’s not his money it’s joint.

It's not a swipe, if you are married everything is legally shared, it's how marriage works.
Trying to keep things as separate as this always seems to cause stress and upset.

It's his savings too he can use it for what he wants. Just because you don't want to doesn't mean he has to do what you say. Don't most people pay for Christmas from a savings pot rather than Novembers pay packet?

Yes legally. But now people organise their finances may vary. And it is a swipe. You aren't confused.

No I think the poster’s thinking is very clear. And correct. Legally your finances are jointly owned. You can organise it how you want, but the law would ride a coach and horses through it.

It sounds like you don't ever talk about finances and have very different approaches. Is this the first year he has taken money from the joint account? It just seems odd that after 30 years you can't just have a conversation about how money is spent.

A lot of bad legal comment on here. Inheritance is not automatically considered a joint marital asset in the UK but it can be made one if the court decides.

Is he ok about spending the inheritance, I got inheritance money months ago and am a bit weird about spending a dead persons money, I'm a bit freaked out about it, I can't bring myself to touch it.

Grieving is weird.

If he's run out of money then I think he should have dipped into his inheritance money. If he classes that money as solely his then he hasn't run out, he's just choosing not to dip into a different pot. I wouldn't be happy with that.
Having said that, I find it odd (my personal opinion) that he doesn't class the inheritance as joint money. Both myself and DH have received inheritances - him more than me, but it's just jointly ours and we both consult each other before we use or live any of it.
I wouldn't be happy if I was you either.

Agree.

As he has took out of joint savings to buy gifts for his family and not for an essential spend ( such as car repair) , I’d remove the same amount and put it in my own account.

I am confused because a long standing married couple shouldn't be treating money like this and talking about what's mine and what's his.
The OP says they have been together 30 years, I genuinely find it odd and confusing that there are still limits as to what is shared between them after all this time.

I was going to say exactly this! If you're both putting into the savings and he's dipping into it for Christmas shopping, I'd be taking out the same and stashing it elsewhere. And I'd probably also stop adding to it myself.

I'm sorry to hear about your mum being so poorly.

If the worst does happen and you lose your DM, please take the same approach to your inheritance as your DH has done. Put it in a high interest savings account that you can't access immediately and tell him that it's none of his business. Leave it to your kids in your will.

He sounds horrible tbf.

Yes. I don't disagree. I disagree that the scenario the OP had outlined is in any way confusing

Are you married? If so "his" money from his inheritance is also your money, so technically it makes no difference which pot he takes money from.

Have you spoken with him? I hat was his reasoning?

I'd do separate saving. His inheritance is savings but he's choosing to use joint money to buy his family gifts . Fuck that.

Withdraw your share and open your own savings account. And by your share I mean what you paid in.

This isn't true.

In the UK, inheritances are generally considered non-matrimonial propertyy_. This means they are not automatically included in the division of marital assets. However, if the inheritance was mingled with marital assets or used for the benefit of the family (e.g., to purchase a family home), it may be considered part of the marital assets.

osborneslaw.com/blog/inheritance-and-divorce/#:~:text=This%20means%20they%20are%20not,part%20of%20the%20marital%20assets.