To not know what to do? Norovirus, newborn baby and c section

[rc1232]

Hi, Posted in here just as seems to get a lot of answers. just need some advice.

Basically cut long story short.

-Family member got sick with stomach bug on Saturday, last vomit/diarreah Sunday.

• Other family members waited a few days to see them (going off 48h rule, which I've now read might not even be the case)

-family member resumed on Thursday and saw some other family members for tea -Saturday now and said family members now have D&V. Presumably from the original family member.

We've luckily not seen anyone this week for various reasons. But the problem is, we're due to have baby #2 via c section on Tuesday. Original family members and family members who have got it now were out childcare and backup childcare for our toddler ☹️ meaning I either let toddler go as planned Tuesday morning (if they stop vomiting tonight or tomorrow and are well enough) or I give birth on my own and have husband stay at home with toddler to prevent getting it.

Either situation seems shit. So upset 😭 but don't know what to do. What's worse? Having c section alone or us all possibly getting the bug/noro when bringing newborn home. Petrified baby will get it and be very ill as seems like something that could be very very harmful to a newborn?

read online and you can be contagious for 2 weeks after. No one was aware about this as 48h rule is what's widely knows so no one's fault. I'm just so upset.

If husband stays at home with toddler and I have section alone when will we then be able to see family realistically? 2 weeks? ☹️ Christmas and my birth feels ruined and no idea how I'll survive the first few weeks without my support system.

Didn't even want a bloody c section (medical reasons have forced it), petrified enough already without this now. Can't be postponed, but doesn't really matter I guess as a few days probs won't make the difference.

Anyway, what would you do if you were me?

I don’t have any advice on your ill relatives situation but I would recommend having a look at csectionuk on instagram. You don’t need ti pay for her courses but her page has some good tips and advice on c section recovery. I had one earlier this year and it was a very positive experience - really calm, staff were great & a smooth recovery. Good luck !

There must be someone you know who does not have Noro. Even a mum friend? A neighbour you know a bit? It’s only 1-2 hours no?
In your situation I would book a babysitter from a reputable agency. I have made lots of suggestions of solutions for childcare abd you just keep posting how sad it is for DH instead of finding solutions.

Not every childminder or nanny in your area will have children with noro going round.

We had a similar childcare situation when our second was born, and we had our regular baby-sitters come watch our eldest. We needed both as they weren't available at such short notice, and my husband went back home at night after the birth.
It wasn't ideal but for 48h it worked ok. They were nice enough about our situation too and charged us a lower rate given the high number of hours.

And for the noro situation, call your midwife for advice. If your DC or husband get it whilst you're at hospital, tell the nurses there. If need be they will put a plan in place with the consultants, for instance keep you a few days more.

@SchoolDilemma17 hey, think you've got to understand we all don't actually have someone who can just step in! I'm allowed to be terribly upset about my husband missing the birth of our child thanks! I don't know of any baby sitters, I don't have a friend who can watch toddler. I've already said I'm going it alone. But I'm allowed to be upset on a thread that I made. Unfortunately there is no good solution here. I'm obviously still going to look for solutions until the day of.

Absolutely don't risk the family care imo, norovirus with a newborn and abdominal wound sounds hideous!
I understand you don't have any random friend to call but can you not pay a one off babysitter/nanny etc? I'm assuming as a planned c you know the time of day, so all you really need is someone to care for your dc during the day while your dh is with you, then he csn come back and stay with dc overnight. Not as easy as him staying with you but better than missing entirely.
Are there any local mums groups you can ask of if anyone knows anyone? Just on your local area fb? Do it early enough there is time to to a trial run so it's not a stranger.
There must be someone out there with childcare experience (and I would want that rather than a well meaning unqualified stronger) who is willing to do a one off days work for payment.
Ask your sons nursery if they know anyone?

seems so sad you have zero mum network. Is there not one local family with a child dds age who you are friendly with who could have her for a few hours?

Don't risk noro. If you're worried about support during the section maybe there's a doula available though I guess it's very short notice and normally you'd build a relationship with one first.

I'd personally not risk Xmas either but if your section is next week, I wouldn't have been arsed seeing anyone at Xmas anyway. A quiet one just the 4 of you is probably easier for your recovery?

what solutions are you looking for? How many childcare agencies/childminders, and mum friends have you called? Have you got neighbours that can help?
i have zero family in my area, I had medical emergencies when I needed my DH and I called people and asked for help. It’s not ideal but there are trained and vetted emergency nannies for a reason and most mums are happy to help if they can (in an emergency). I would absolutely help you.

of course you are allowed to feel sad, but every single post is about that and you are ignoring every suggestion to find a solution and have DH at the birth.

If I were you, i would look for a local fb group for a babysitter and see if you can find someone. We were in the same position as you...we live abroad and no family/friends to help with our DS when i laboured with DD. We managed to find someone at relatively short notice who was great. You could even hire them to take your DC for a walk around the hospital when you are having your surgery and then your DH can come and take over as soon as you are out of theatre. Its a rubbish situation to be in....I fully remember how it feels.

Are you suggesting video calling from theatre? Totally banned in the 9 labour wards I've worked. Any husband making excited whatsapp calls post delivery in theatre gets 1 warning then will be told to leave

Sorry

Do you have a nursery whatsapp group where you could ask? A nursery worker? Koru Kids?
any of your DH’s relatives?
I am trying to help you.

Have there been any suggestions yet you could consider here? What about a doula?

Videos are banned in theatre

Sometimes creative solutions are worth considering. I work in the NHS and can see how stuck staff can get with inflexible rules that often don’t make total sense. With planning and attention to basic rules around hygiene and social media, I see no reason why an iPad could not work, if staff are willing to be flexible and supportive.

I was sick for two days, as was my DD (young baby at the time and again at 1). Norovirus is really nasty. At least you're having a c section and not going into labour because that would be longer on you own. I've not had a c section but I know it'll be significantly quicker than giving birth vaginally. You can just have the operation and then DH and child can visit. Family can visit when baby is 2 weeks old.

It won't be 1-2h. A csection itself takes about 1.5h and depending on how efficient the theatres is there will be 3-4 pts on a morning list. We decide the ordering on the day (diabetics go first then other medical reasons prioritised). So even the 8am arrival could go to theatre at 12. If there's an emergency csection that can't be done in the emergency theatre as in use then that will bounce in. If its generally crazy busy electives can get bounced to the next day (v rare prob only seen about 7x in 9y). But def don't go in with the idea of needing a 2h a babysitter as that won't happen

I wouldn't go in with any hope of it happening.. I did obs the whole way through covid and it still wasn't allowed. It's a blanket rule and the men who disobey it are made to leave. We will take 100s of photos but it's not fair on the staff who can be stressed as it is with complex medical deliveries to then be worried about being filmed (most are v routine and "boring" but when it goes wrong its in a click of a finger). Ask sure. The 9 lw I've worked so far It's a no. With a quick Obstetrican you can be in recovery within an hour. Video call as much as you like tbeee

Can family do Christmas Sunday 29th? I’d 100% change my plans to include you if you were my family. You and your babies health is so important, and all these difficult decisions you’re making now are centred on that. I wouldn’t throw it all away for the sake of Christmas. I’d have Christmas at home as a 4, then family day later. Plus you’ll be 4 more days recovered so more likely to enjoy it.

I was suggesting asking. Not turning up with an iPad demanding to use it.

Is the family member who was ill first someone who could look after your DC on their own? If so they’ll be over a week clear by then. They could come to your house and have DC there.

Alternatively could one of the nursery staff babysit at your home? At my DC’s nursery they all work 4 days a week as it’s such long hours so they each get a day off. If someone has Tuesdays off and no plans they could help.

There are also agencies who can provide vetted babysitters. Sitters is one.

Yes I would definitely see them on Christmas Day. Can they come to your house? One of the reasons it can spread beyond 48 hours is because it lives on surfaces. eg sick person goes to make themselves a cup of tea. Touches kettle. Germs linger for the next user.

Is the date of c section absolutely set in stone? Maybe if you rang and explained you'd have to do it on your own, you'd be able to delay by 48 hours and the risk of infection would be much lower. Planned c sections often get bumped for emergency ones anyway

My planned Caesarean was such a calm experience- I'm so glad my baby was breach so I had the excuse not to have a vaginal birth!

I couldn't move much for the first three days, but after that my recovery was quick and complication-free. It certainly wouldn't have been if I'd thrown Norovirus into the mix! It's just not worth the risk. I'm so sorry, though, I can totally understand why you're so upset at the thought of not having your husband there.

A bit of advice: while recovering, keep yourself topped up on paracetamol and ibuprofen (while obviously ensuring you have a break from them overnight- read the instructions carefully!) and invest in some massive cotton pants which will go up to your belly button and so will completely cover your scar.

I promise, it will all be okay.

Do you really think forcing the OP to repeat she has no mum network is going to make her feel better in this situation?

What rotten luck. Overwhelmingly the consensus is to avoid the noro people.

If you end up alone, whilst not what you expected or want, it’ll be ok. Remember the procedure is to get baby here safely for him/her and you. That’s all that matters, ultimately.

I promise you that it’ll not change the outcome of your lovely, happy family whether dad saw him being born or hours later.

It’s perfectly reasonable that you’re upset, but it’ll be ok.