sitting in costa coffee

[IveGotToGoToMeDads]

Went to costa coffee ordered drinks, sandwiches & cake. Myself & partner said we will eat in rather than take away. Place was full most seats were taken apart from a four seater table where some woman was sat. I asked if the seats on her table were taken and she said we can not sit on her table as she is with her DS.
In the end a chinese couple offered their seats and we eventually got a seat.
AIBU expecting a seat on womans table for me and my partner as no one was sat in them?

When I’m in a cafe, not a restaurant where I have a table allocated to me, I expect others to sit in the empty seats at my table. I’ve not seen people standing around whilst If I sit by myself at a table for four or eight. It’s normal to sit in one chair and for others to then sit in the free chairs around one table. What about those long high tables with chairs or sitting at a bar - do people here expect to be by themselves? I don’t. It’s usual to have others sit in the empty chairs.

A huge long table for 6-8, with just 1 person sitting at the end with seats in between if, say, a couple/trio sat on the other end is very different. I would be fine with this too, and offer, with sitting on such a huge table by myself, with plenty of room for everybody's food/drinks. It certainly wouldn't put you all too close together at all, and would feel more separate.

A small, undersized 4 person table however, already 50% occupied with 2 strangers wanting to join? This is intrusive on personal space imo, not to mention cakes/food and coffees to squeeze next to ours on an already undersized table. I would be a bit taken aback that somebody would ask to do this, and find it a bit cheeky tbh.

In a cafe where all tables are occupied, I would consider it fine to share mine if there are spare seats at it. I certainly wouldn’t think someone was rude for asking. It seems a sensible thing to do in the circumstances.

It isn't rude to ask. I think it would be rude to just plonk down, and even ruder to refuse, unless there was a very good reason you didn't want to share.

In our local Costa, the tables for 4, are 2 tables for 2 pushed together, so it's not invading anyone's personal space.

You just say Is this seat free? It’s like on a train when you ask if the seat is free. I also ask for bags to be moved if they are taking the seat up. It’s polite to ask.

Yup

I don’t like sharing tables because I’m autistic and have loads of anxiety, not because I’m ’prissy.’ Personally I can’t comprehend the unnecessary nastiness you’re spewing.

Exactly this. I hate how people ignorantly assume that just because they are fine with it, everybody should be. It is very narrow-minded to think that we are all the same. I'm not ND, but I would be uncomfortable sharing a small table with strangers, nor would I want to. For my child who is ND, it would be an absolute nightmare. Does this make me an "entitled" person to say no, you cannot sit at the small 50-75 percent occupied table we're on? No it doesn't. Take the chair and find somewhere by all means, but not right next to us, no.

Where is the consideration for others who have hidden disabilities? Or is it just because you feel entitled to sit down during a busy time (full well knowing the risk of getting a table is low)? In what world do you buy multiple cakes/food and drinks and just assume it is okay to squeeze on someone's table, then get angry if they say no? Now that is "entitled."

Or is it just because you feel entitled to sit down during a busy time (full well knowing the risk of getting a table is low)? In what world do you buy multiple cakes/food and drinks and just assume it is okay to squeeze on someone's table, then get angry if they say no?

If people didn't arrogantly take tables before they've been served, none of those problems would exist, would they.

Who says the people on the table you're trying to share didn't get it after ordering? Would you still be huffing and puffing should they say no, for reasons they dont need to explain to you.
If there are people who have saved tables, which there will be, it still doesn't give you the right to expect to share small table with people you don't know. We all know saving tables rightly or wrongly happens. You have taken the chance during a busy time that you'll get somewhere to sit, if you don't it shouldn't come as a surprise, and you shouldn't be putting that on other people who you don't know.

Of course the problem will still exist. You won't know if the people in front of you in the queue will take all remaining seats.

There's an easy solution - either go somewhere with table service or go somewhere where there are loads of empty tables. Or just get a takeaway coffee/sandwich and sit on a park bench somewhere, if there is a nice park close by.

If people didn't arrogantly take tables before they've been served, none of those problems would exist, would they

I never understand this idea on MN either. One person gets a table, the other one gets the food. It was ever thus and ever will be.

If you don't like the idea, go somewhere with table service, or somewhere that is very quiet.

I don't like sharing tables either. People like their own space. I can't see what the problem is with that.

Exactly!

It defies common sense to queue up to get food and only then get a table.

And in a lot of places they want your table number anyway!

When you’re by yourself you can’t save a space. No cafe I go to has table numbers before your order unless it’s like a restaurant where you wait to be seated. You can get a number with your order at the screen or cashier and you get a token to hold or put where you are sitting.

We all know saving tables happen.
We all know sharing tables happen.
What's the difference?

You have taken a chance during a busy time
-that it will be full
-that it will be more than half full and you will have to share.
Once again, the argument is identical.

Noone is super happy about sharing, just if the establishment is half full (every table is used), the time of sharing comes.

When I’m by myself I put my coat on a chair and my glasses on the table….I’m not greedy, I take a 2 seater table if they have one….but like fuck am I going to order my coffee then stand around like a dickhead cos theirs no tables 🙄

Absolutely this. And if I’m with another person , one grabs the table the other goes up and orders. How is it even remotely sensible not to do this?

This wouldn’t work for me but I’d have no problem being sat at a table with empty seats and someone leaving their coat etc to save the place. I wouldn’t stop others from sitting there though because I’d be enjoying my coffee and reading. In the situation of is this seat free? me -the lady in the queue over there put her coat down to keep the seat, person sits down. Not my problem.

I have never ever seen anybody take a table with belongings on, the fact you were on it as well; it would actually look like you were the one saving it, and this would make it even less likely to happen. As for enjoying your book, I hope noisy people don't sit right next to you, or trying to strike up conversation etc, or you may not enjoy it so much.

Of course they would! In a system where everyone queues then finds a table, there is no certainty of getting a table. The only certain way is for everyone to secure a table first. This of course presents problems for those eating alone, which is why there needs to be a bit of give and take. But this doesn’t include angrily inserting yourself into someone else’s space!

The system in UK coffee shops basically doesn’t work very well.

What do you mean about enjoying my book and nosy people ? How odd. If someone says hello etc of course I’d reply. I’m a normal polite person. I’m not in a cafe to chat to others though. I go there to have a break, catch up on my phone with social media etc, read, do admin, lists. It’s what I see other people doing. I’ve never seen anyone sit next to me and start a long conversation. It’s just a chat of hello, isn’t it busy, what weather and that’s it.

No you wouldn’t….cos I would have my beady eye on that table the whole time I was queuing….and if you so much as looked like you were going to park your arse there….I would shout over that the table was taken …..all seats ….like fuck would you sit at my table ……cos once I’ve claimed it….it is MY table til I get up to leave…..and if someone is stupid enough not to do that then walk round the shop like a wet lettuce with a coffee going cold…..then they can fuck right off from my table ……honestly, if you tried to sit at an obviously taken table where I lived and didn’t get the hint first time of asking to jog on…..you would definitely get it second time 🙄

What an odd reply. Give your head a wobble