sitting in costa coffee

[IveGotToGoToMeDads]

Went to costa coffee ordered drinks, sandwiches & cake. Myself & partner said we will eat in rather than take away. Place was full most seats were taken apart from a four seater table where some woman was sat. I asked if the seats on her table were taken and she said we can not sit on her table as she is with her DS.
In the end a chinese couple offered their seats and we eventually got a seat.
AIBU expecting a seat on womans table for me and my partner as no one was sat in them?

Well yes. That's what happens in the real world. This horror of sharing a table is another "only on MN"

If I am with someone, one of us will sit down whilst the other orders. I don't see that as wrong.

Thank you, Your Majesty.

It's extremely rude and selfish for one person to hog a table of 4.

Mine too. I would have offered to share.

YABU. I would think it was odd if somebody wanted to share a table like that. Also dc1 is ND, and would be uncomfortable. I have taken it from your post that this lady was with her son? I wouldn't want strangers sitting next to us making awkward small talk whilst I was there to eat a treat, and relax, esp with my kids.

If they're busy, you either get somebody to sit there while somebody orders, or take away. I think it is perfectly reasonable that the lady and her son were uncomfortable.

I have been that person because at the time, it was the only table free.

Last time I checked, I lived in the real world. I have never once asked to share a table, if there's no seats, there's no seats, bad luck. People can ask me, but if I am with my kids I'd probably say no.

Wasn't it a lady and her son? I don't think it was even just one person.

Yes, in the OP it was a lady and her son. I don't think 2 people on a 4 person table is really "hogging" it.
I mean, there are no 1 person tables... they all have 2 seats. Anyone on their own would be technically hogging those seats too.

I that case how to people on their own manage? If you meant to get table before quehing

They either go when it is quiet, or if it is busy, they ask them to take away if nothing is available.

We're supposed to choose less busy times, get food and drink to take out and sit down and consume it elsewhere. Or come round to the mindset that people go to cafés with friends and relatives and if we want to do it as a solitary activity we're unusual or peculiar.

While I agree that a perfect world in which manners are always prioritised would be lovely, it is not the case. It’s unfortunately naive to think other people will abide by etiquette or have any consideration for the people around them. It really is just down to who is willing to take advantage of opportunity and who isn’t. Opportunity over decorum. Rude, sure, but what else would you expect from people?

Also, I wrote with a mix of “slang” and proper English simply because I wanted to. That’s really all.

I agree. Some people are complaining that is rude and unfair to people who are in the cafe by themselves.

And if we are sat alone, should be grateful for the company if someone wants to share our table

See, this discussion comes up a lot on MN. And it seems to be a MN thing that you are not to approach any tables unless you have food/drink with you... and that to have someone "reserve" a table is queue jumping.
Last time I checked, you queued for the food, not tables. If there was a queue for tables, then there would be a sign saying to wait to be seated.

Of course they are allowed to do this but unreasonable to tell people in groups that they can't reserve a seat because you are not able to.

At a busy time, it is sort of white noise though isn't it? The sound of all of the voices going into one, clattering of coffee cups etc. Everybody is engaged in their own conversations, and I cannot honestly say I have ever noticed what others on different tables were saying at a busy time. Had two of them been sitting on a small table with me and my friend/relative, than yes I would hear, and be less inclined to talk as freely.

I'll no doubt be castigated by some for saying too much, but after my husband died it was a long time before I could force myself to leave the house. (This was no doubt exacerbated by the fact that it happened during lockdown.)

The start of my getting back to a semblance of normality was when I ventured out to a cafe where we had been regulars. DH's stroke meant that only certain places were accessible to us.

Round our way, many of the eateries only serve food at specific times. If you want to eat out because you really can't bring yourself to cook for one, then you have no option but to go out at the busier times. (Go later and it might be open, but it'll be coffee and cake only.)

When you've been your spouse's carer for years and they die, the reason for your existence has been taken away from you. Not everyone copes the same way, but I found that when I went out to get a bite to eat the very act of having something to eat and drink gave me something to do when I simply did not know what to do with myself or how to cope with being outside after shutting myself away for so long.

I could go to the cafe, exchange pleasantries with the staff, look out the window...You'd see other widows and widowers there. You could usually tell. You might not talk, but you'd at least nod to one another.

Very few people choose to finish up on their own. Sometimes it happens. You either try to make your way back out into the world or you curl up and die.

As for mums going out with babies - sometimes they're on their own as a parent. Sometimes, they have a partner but just need to get out during the day for the sake of their sanity.

No, I can almost always hear full conversations from nearby tables, even when I'm talking to someone else. Tables in cafés are pretty close to each other. It's like when people are talking on public transport, I'm not interested but can't avoid hearing every word.

Not everybody can guarantee a table though. Somebody on their own, a parent with young dcs etc. We all know that unless somebody sits to keep it, rightly, or wrongly, it isn't guaranteed. This is the way it is, unless the policy is changed. We are all well aware of this when we go into these places. Tbh, if it is really busy even people who have someone to sit there, are lucky to find somewhere.
The only way to guarantee a table in a busy time, is to go somewhere you're seated. Getting upset after the fact is silly imo.

If you’re out with a baby it sometimes becomes necessary so you can feed them! I would usually rather not.

I have had strangers sit on my table... and they try to talk to me. I don't want that!
Never have I ever had someone gate-crash my one person tea and cake session and they have kept themselves to themselves.

I actually have a card saying to leave me alone... but it doesn't work a lot of the time because some people are entitled and rude and think I owe them interaction.

Well if that is the case I def wouldn't want them even close than.