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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

sitting in costa coffee

728 replies

IveGotToGoToMeDads · 14/12/2024 15:26

Went to costa coffee ordered drinks, sandwiches & cake. Myself & partner said we will eat in rather than take away. Place was full most seats were taken apart from a four seater table where some woman was sat. I asked if the seats on her table were taken and she said we can not sit on her table as she is with her DS.
In the end a chinese couple offered their seats and we eventually got a seat.
AIBU expecting a seat on womans table for me and my partner as no one was sat in them?

OP posts:
Pleiades2020 · 14/12/2024 19:17

What if it were the other way round? One spare seat on the table you were sharing with your partner? Would it be unreasonable for the single person to join you? I think you are probably being unreasonable. However if you do join another person's table I think it's quite reasonable for them to join in your conversation. I'm waiting for the time when someone asks if they can share my table to say yes if I can share your conversation. Not sure I'd be brave enough though.

ilovesooty · 14/12/2024 19:18

wombat15 · 14/12/2024 19:12

Meet up with friends.

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Who aren't always available or you might be travelling or doing activities alone.

ilovesooty · 14/12/2024 19:18

wombat15 · 14/12/2024 19:15

Don't go to a cafe by yourself then.

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Oh give over.

wombat15 · 14/12/2024 19:19

Sleetwave · 14/12/2024 19:14

I’m often out with my baby so I’m not technically alone but can’t just leave her at a table alone. What should I do?

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Is anyone forcing you to go to a cafe with your baby? It's not an essential activity. If you don't like the fact that couples or people in groups are reserving seats don't go or choose a time when it's not busy.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 14/12/2024 19:19

What a batshit thread this is. Confused YANBU at all @IveGotToGoToMeDads If there was a half empty table - and no others available, then of course you were entitled to sit at the table with this woman. She didn't own the fucking table! It's a public place.

I would (and do) sit at any table available if there's no table empty, as long as there's a seat there. Me and DH have sat on 2 seats before, (at a table for 4 with 2 other people there.) I have never known anyone mind, and if they did, I would still sit there. As I said, they don't own it.

I bet the posters thinking the OP is in the wrong, are the same entitled, selfish people who take up 2 seats on the train, one for them - and one for their bag. Because God forbid someone sits next to them, in a PUBLIC PLACE! 😱

And what a ludicrous amount of fuss people are making, about the OP saying that the couple who gave her a seat were Chinese. A lot of bored people on here tonight making something out of nothing! Hmm

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 14/12/2024 19:20

wombat15 · 14/12/2024 19:15

Don't go to a cafe by yourself then.

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This is such a strange thing to have such strong feelings about

ilovesooty · 14/12/2024 19:20

SnoringHound · 14/12/2024 19:14

So bring something with you or go somewhere else. Just because you’re a single customer instead of with a group doesn’t make you any more or less entitled to a table. The world doesn’t revolve around your needs, you have to manage those yourself. This is coming from someone who is often a single diner or customer. Just because I’m getting something alone doesn’t make me any more entitled than someone else. I’ll either go somewhere I know I can reserve a spot, bring something to place down at the table (within eyesight) or just go somewhere else (either my car, outside or a different place).

What part of being a single diner/customer doesn’t mean you have any entitlement to a space do you not understand?

If not getting a seat at a walk-in establishment and then proceeding to order food and kick up a fuss anyway is truly a problem you have, then you are a lucky person to not have any real problems.

Edited
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I never said I was more entitled. I just pointed out that it's not easy to bag a table or assess how the place is filling up.

wombat15 · 14/12/2024 19:21

ilovesooty · 14/12/2024 19:18

Who aren't always available or you might be travelling or doing activities alone.

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So go to a cafe that isn't busy or get a take out.

ilovesooty · 14/12/2024 19:22

wombat15 · 14/12/2024 19:21

So go to a cafe that isn't busy or get a take out.

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You're annoying me now.

ChocolateMagnum · 14/12/2024 19:22

IveGotToGoToMeDads · 14/12/2024 15:43

Women who declined me a seat was english.

How did you know she was English? How did you know the other couple was Chinese?

MaMoosie · 14/12/2024 19:22

Mumsnet is such an alternate universe 🤣

Onlyvisiting · 14/12/2024 19:27

I would absolutely hate to sit opposite a couple of strangers at a small coffee shop table. It's FCFS, and you were 2nd.
If (as someone else has suggested) you just sat down without asking I'd gave been a)stunned and b) just left. Pretty much the same reaction as if you sat on my lap tbh . I'm going ugh just considering it 🤣

NovemberMorn · 14/12/2024 19:29

I sit, husband orders.
I always pick a table for 2 if available. If I sit at a table for 4, and someone asks can they share, I always say yes, it would be rude to refuse..

In fact last time a lady asked could she share, we got into conversation, (something I don't like to do normally) she was 80 years old (looked much younger) and was very interesting to talk to.

WearyAuldWumman · 14/12/2024 19:36

SnoringHound · 14/12/2024 18:55

If you’ve seriously gotten offended because I didn’t add on “if you have a car” then you have a lot of privilege in your life. Obviously if you don’t have a car, you can’t sit in a car - but you can still see a cafe/restaurant is full before you choose to order. Or are you going to say that assumption is offensive to blind people?

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No, I wasn't offended. I made the mistake of thinking that you were thoughtless. I do apologise.

WearyAuldWumman · 14/12/2024 19:38

wombat15 · 14/12/2024 19:19

Is anyone forcing you to go to a cafe with your baby? It's not an essential activity. If you don't like the fact that couples or people in groups are reserving seats don't go or choose a time when it's not busy.

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Wow.

You really mean this? May life be kinder to you than you are to other people.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 14/12/2024 19:47

At busy times everyone has to be prepared to share a table, and most customers agree with a good grace if you ask nicely. One or two people at a table for four isn't fair on either the business, especially if they plan to stay for a long time, or people who need a drink and a sit down.

StaunchMomma · 14/12/2024 19:50

GoldsolesLugs · 14/12/2024 17:46

If I get to the top of the queue, with food and drink that I've paid for, and the only chairs have the clothing of people who have not paid, then I'll take one of those seats.
Table saving is queue jumping, pure and simple. Queues are British national culture. If you don't like it you should (dare I say) leave the country.

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Course you would 😂

StaunchMomma · 14/12/2024 19:51

WearyAuldWumman · 14/12/2024 17:40

As I've already said, you don't always have something with you that you can use - particularly in warmer weather.

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Lick it?

Bit of scent marking?

😁

Noshowlomo · 14/12/2024 19:52

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 14/12/2024 19:19

What a batshit thread this is. Confused YANBU at all @IveGotToGoToMeDads If there was a half empty table - and no others available, then of course you were entitled to sit at the table with this woman. She didn't own the fucking table! It's a public place.

I would (and do) sit at any table available if there's no table empty, as long as there's a seat there. Me and DH have sat on 2 seats before, (at a table for 4 with 2 other people there.) I have never known anyone mind, and if they did, I would still sit there. As I said, they don't own it.

I bet the posters thinking the OP is in the wrong, are the same entitled, selfish people who take up 2 seats on the train, one for them - and one for their bag. Because God forbid someone sits next to them, in a PUBLIC PLACE! 😱

And what a ludicrous amount of fuss people are making, about the OP saying that the couple who gave her a seat were Chinese. A lot of bored people on here tonight making something out of nothing! Hmm

I think OP is in the wrong. I also never use my bag to take up a seat on public transport.

LoveHearts69 · 14/12/2024 19:57

SilverChampagne · 14/12/2024 16:55

What nonsense. How on earth do you cope when you’re out in public?
Surely you take him places where other people congregate, you don’t keep him in a bubble?

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Yes he’s fine with people on the next table 🤣 but if a random person came and actually sat right next to him basically touching at our table he’d understandably freak out. And yes we do go out for coffees but luckily no random people have decided to join us thus far 😅

Surely you’d just get a takeaway cup if no tables are available, it’s hardly relaxing for anyone in this situation

unmemorableusername · 14/12/2024 19:57

I hate it when people sit next to me. It absolutely ruins my visit. I feel forced to leave asap.

If the cafe has no seats, don't go in!

WearyAuldWumman · 14/12/2024 20:00

StaunchMomma · 14/12/2024 19:51

Lick it?

Bit of scent marking?

😁

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:D I'm not that desperate for a table!

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 14/12/2024 20:02

Onlyvisiting · 14/12/2024 19:27

I would absolutely hate to sit opposite a couple of strangers at a small coffee shop table. It's FCFS, and you were 2nd.
If (as someone else has suggested) you just sat down without asking I'd gave been a)stunned and b) just left. Pretty much the same reaction as if you sat on my lap tbh . I'm going ugh just considering it 🤣

Good grief. Confused

StaunchMomma · 14/12/2024 20:06

WearyAuldWumman · 14/12/2024 20:00

:D I'm not that desperate for a table!

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😂

LoveHearts69 · 14/12/2024 20:08

I think a lot of posters are underestimating just how small and intimate the ‘4 person’ tables are 😅