sitting in costa coffee

[IveGotToGoToMeDads]

Went to costa coffee ordered drinks, sandwiches & cake. Myself & partner said we will eat in rather than take away. Place was full most seats were taken apart from a four seater table where some woman was sat. I asked if the seats on her table were taken and she said we can not sit on her table as she is with her DS.
In the end a chinese couple offered their seats and we eventually got a seat.
AIBU expecting a seat on womans table for me and my partner as no one was sat in them?

Don’t be such a dick, ffs.

Not cool.

I always check when going in on my own. Unfortunately, the bar stools are no longer an option for me. I'm not disabled, but I'm stuck with knees which have a habit of dislocating or locking at the most inopportune moment, so I do only go into a cafe if there are spare tables.

I mentioned above that I was seated at a table for 4 yesterday, but that particular cafe tells patrons to wait and a waitress then seats them. That suits me well - it saves arguments.

Were the Chinese couple English too?

And was the English woman white, brown, black or something else?

If you don’t understand the point I’m making feel free not to comment

I don’t think so. Seats in Costa are not reserved.

YABU in my book. I’d have said no to you joining me too! Would’ve spoiled my coffee/cake/whatever if I had to sit right with a stranger.

They might have had something important to discuss

The Costa etiquette is the same as seats in a train. You may say ‘do you mind if I …’
or not.

Nationality of any person in this situation doesn’t matter.

One of you should have found a table to sit at whilst the other ordered.

I would refuse you to sit at my table if you asked. When I’m out for coffee I want to be alone or just with the person I’m with. I don’t want to be sat with two random strangers listening to my conversation or me having to hear theirs.

I don’t understand why one of you didn’t reserve a table by sitting at it while the other ordered?

That’s what normal people do 😄

If there were no free tables you go elsewhere.

I think it is very difficult to judge from this level of detail, and there will be things OP doesn't know. If I was in Costa with my son and anyone asked if they could use two empty seats at our table I would say of course. The tables aren't that small and you're squished up against the next table anyway.

However, that lady may have issues that mean she is not comfortable being so close to strangers. Or maybe her DS has emotional or behavioural needs that would make sharing a table awkward. Or maybe her DS lives with her ex and she wanted to spend time with him without having strangers quite so close. Or maybe they had to speak about something private.

We don't have to go straight to "she's anti-social because she wouldn't share her table".

Did the other couple of specified ethnicity offer their seats to you so they were left standing, holding their drinks and panini? That's super kind of them. Or do you mean a table where a couple had been sitting became free and they mentioned it as they were leaving? It's a relevant distinction because you are trying to distinguish between the generosity of the couple and the meanness of the lady, but I suspect the couple were leaving anyway and telling you that they were leaving was polite but I really doubt they offered you "their seats" in the sense that I might offer my train seat to an elderly person and then stand myself. Though I may of course be wrong.

I mostly go to cafes with my teen dd. It's a chance for her to open up and chat about things. I wouldn't like someone to sit right next to us as it would impact on what we wanted to talk about as dd would feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't say no though. We'd just finish up and leave asap.

Cause I’m Irish and it’s just part of our vernacular - and how is looking for a table before ordering or taking turns ordering going against polite manners?

If you’ve seriously gotten offended because I didn’t add on “if you have a car” then you have a lot of privilege in your life. Obviously if you don’t have a car, you can’t sit in a car - but you can still see a cafe/restaurant is full before you choose to order. Or are you going to say that assumption is offensive to blind people?

What part of the bit about standing in a queue as a single person and watching couples reserving tables while you wait are you failing to get?

Ye is used informally for you (plural) in parts of Ireland.

I said not many people are on their own. Most are with others.

Most people would not have been on their own, particularly if it is busy.

So where was her DS? If I'm at at a 4 table with someone, I wouldn't want someone else filling up the other 2 seats.

Meet up with friends.

So bring something with you or go somewhere else. Just because you’re a single customer instead of with a group doesn’t make you any more or less entitled to a table. The world doesn’t revolve around your needs, you have to manage those yourself. This is coming from someone who is often a single diner or customer. Just because I’m getting something alone doesn’t make me any more entitled than someone else. I’ll either go somewhere I know I can reserve a spot, bring something to place down at the table (within eyesight) or just go somewhere else (either my car, outside or a different place).

What part of being a single diner/customer doesn’t mean you have any entitlement to a space do you not understand?

If not getting a seat at a walk-in establishment and then proceeding to order food and kick up a fuss anyway is truly a problem you have, then you are a lucky person to not have any real problems.

I’m often out with my baby so I’m not technically alone but can’t just leave her at a table alone. What should I do?

Don't go to a cafe by yourself then.

You can’t sit at someone’s table in a coffee place, same as you wouldn’t in a restaurant. What an imposition! And do not order food without a place to sit, what are you doing?

But in a busy cafe??

In other cultures huge shared tables are a thing...

You're under no obligation to marry them!