To be petrified driving on motorways

[mollyfolk]

Anyone else scared of driving on motorways? I'm driving years but mostly within 20km of where I live. I avoid motorways or long distances as much as possible. I have to make a 3 hour journey now on Monday, mostly motorway, and I am already feeling sick about it.

I do breathing exercises to stay calm when driving like this. Has anyone overcome a phobia like this?

@ThoughtfulSchooldays
No I don't rely on him at all!! It's a family holiday . I'm not asking him to take me anyone. Anywhere I go I make my own way. And I did this from 17 to my forties when I passed my test.
He chooses to drive on UK holidays. When I passed my test I asked to be put on his insurance and I'd share driving and he said no its fine. So that's his choice!! Now he has a huge people carrier so I have no desire to drive that.
I can not think of one situation in my life where I'd have to drive!
Never. We live in a city that has buses, taxis, trains etc. Like I say for my whole life I've not needed a car. Yes it makes life easier, but not essential. Same for DH he could practically walk to work!

The only way to overcome this is to do it
If its terrifying you - have some lessons with a driving instructor on the motorways for confidence or drive with someone else the first few times.
You CAN do it. Speaking from experience!

Do those of you choosing to go alternative routes have to allow double the time to get to places?

If I had to do that it would really limit what I did.

@Iusedtobecarmen

You're relying on your DH to drive on family holidays. How is him doing the driving NOT relying on him?! What if you split up, or something happened so he couldn't drive for a bit?

I get that you initially planned to do half the holiday driving, and it's odd that he wouldn't let you keep in practice by sharing it. But you are now refusing to drive on motorways at all!

Speed limit is 70 mph not km. that would be dangerous. If you drive on a dual carriage way what's so difficult about a motorway? Sounds like you'd be in the left lane anyway?

Nothing infuriates me more than incompetent drivers so I'm very respectful that you see a limit to your ability but I'm honestly feeling that you're imposing it on yourself for no good reason. If you're nervous just slip on, same as a Dual carriageway and then Set cruise control to that of a lorry and stay behind it.

I was driving on the m1 the other day and came across a middle lane hogger and I flashed her to move over (I can see how people would say I caused this as I should have just let her be and done an eye roll) and she moved right the the 3rd lane of a 4 lane motorway rather than move left where she is supposed to be. I don't imagine you're as bad as her... she also moved exactly as I pulled into that lane to overtake her so nearly caused a crash.

Nope
I know where where I have to drive for work
If we go away, husband drives
Win win

Ah....the husband. I don't have one of those!

I don't really go any where on a day to day basis. Anytime I have been a bit further afield would prob add say 30min to journey.
I don't have a need to really drive other than work or shops, appointments etc. But in a city everything is accessible. So not huge drives or motorways. Family and friends all live close.

Me too. I have driven on motorways but increasingly find having traffic on both sides at speed stressful and don't drive far or on unfamiliar routes. I think it may be due to my hearing loss that I can find is tricky to judge at times and have to focus hard so it is tiring,

I have driven on motorways but increasingly find having traffic on both sides at speed stressful

@LIZS Why are they on both sides? Just stay in lane one. Sorted.

Most people seem to live the traffic on both sides and sit in the middle lane 🤣

For those of you suffering motorway anxiety or phobia...

I can't find the details of the service I used - it was about 16-17 years ago..

But I googled and this came up: there is help out there that will help you become calm again, please don't give up,

www.drivertherapy.co.uk/

www.telegraph.co.uk/cars/features/conquered-fear-driving-motorway-can/

Not necessarily true, as all cars are going in the same direction at roughly the same speed (plus wide lanes) the relative speed involved in a crash can be much lower than 2 cars doing 40 going in opposite directions.

The standard speed limit for duel carriageways is 70mph that is the national speed limit for this type of road. So they are very similar.

OP - get on the motorway and then sit in the inside lane doing 60 and only overtake when you are comfortable doing so. You will be fine, as doing this will improve your confidence so next time you will be less nervous.

@ThoughtfulSchooldays
I'm not sure how you don't get this.
He wants to drive on family holidays
It's probably only once or twice a year. The rest of the time we go abroad.
He said he wants to drive and I'm not on his insurance. And I'm not begging him to let me drive his car. I don't actually care or want to drive!
My car is too small to take DC and pets.
I'm not refusing to drive on motorways I just don't need to.
I work less than 10 miles away.
We have every supermarket within a 3 mile radius.
School is walkable.
If Dh could never drive again then maybe I'd have to rethink if I wanted to go to coast. Or maybe not I'd probably get the train. I prefer than to being in a car anyway.
Those who can't imagine it probably have to use the motorway for work or seeing family. I don't.

I've been driving since 1981 and am very relieved that there are no motorways within 200 miles of where I live. I've never driven on one and never will. I just couldn't cope with the merging. If there wasn't room for me to join, I'd probably sit terrified until there was one. Some people say you should just drive right on from the slip road but I'd be scared I crashed into somebody.

Haha me too - perhaps this is why we are so baffled at people not pushing themselves to learn/practice for their independence! (A trait I find odd across all "relying on partner" things!)

Thing is, if nothing else one day the DH will get older and it's often the men who get ill and unable to drive first. Have experienced this is my family recently.

This is one of the reasons I won't do it
People flashing their lights
Not funny

I do tend to stay in left lane but if you pass junctions or services there is merging traffic on the slip road or a extra lane. Most of the ones near here are smart motorways or use variable speed limits with ongoing roadworks and stop/start.

There's a difference between refusing to do something, and just not needing to do it, though. Don't you get that?

I don't drive on the motorway because I don't need to. I'm not scared of it, there just isn't one near me so I've never had to.

In Germany (where I passed my test 20 years ago) motorway driving was part of the course in lessons and during the driving exam. I think it's silly that people are not allowed to learn to drive on motorways in the UK when learning to drive.

@LIZS sounds like you live near me! To be fair, I increasingly find that when you let people out they no longer allow you to move back in and adjust their speed accordingly. They just sit there neck and neck completely unaware.

It would make getting a licence a bit tricky for those of us who live hours from the nearest motorway...

They are now aren't they?

The test isn't done on the motorway but lessons can be.

I agree motorway driving should be part of learning.
Learner drivers in the UK are now allowed on motorways, as long as it's with an instructor.

@Fleurdalys people flashing lights scared you off the motorway? They'll only flash if you're really fucking it up and it's hardly a terrifying act.

If you are this nervous about driving on motorways you just shouldn't. You'll be much more likely than the average driver of making a mistake and causing an accident (which is scientifically proven). Either go by train or cancel for the sake of other motorway users!