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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be petrified driving on motorways

466 replies

mollyfolk · 14/12/2024 13:19

Anyone else scared of driving on motorways? I'm driving years but mostly within 20km of where I live. I avoid motorways or long distances as much as possible. I have to make a 3 hour journey now on Monday, mostly motorway, and I am already feeling sick about it.

I do breathing exercises to stay calm when driving like this. Has anyone overcome a phobia like this?

OP posts:
pointythings · 14/12/2024 13:27

I think that right now you have a choice either to just go for it or to cancel.

Going forward I would strongly recommend you book some lessons with an instructor specifically to address your fear of motorway driving. Motorways are the safest roads there are.

thesandwich · 14/12/2024 13:28

Get out onto a motorway over the weekend. Joining is the hardest bit.

kaela100 · 14/12/2024 13:29

Can you avoid the motorway? I'm the same and just plan my travel via A Roads. For most non-london journeys I've found that avoiding them only adds 30mins - 60mins max.

Isometimeswonder · 14/12/2024 13:31

I'm the opposite. Fine driving on motorways, but hate towns and changing lanes etc

MikeRafone · 14/12/2024 13:31

Can you find an alternative way of travelling? Train? Coach?

In answer to your question, I'm not afraid of travelling on motorways and drive both here and abroad on motorways. Ive always done so and not avoided this part of driving.

ImSue · 14/12/2024 13:31

My mum didn't used to be, but she is now. The more she avoided them, the more fear she felt over the years, so the more she avoided them, and so on in a spiral of anxiety. Now as a result she will only drive to places on quiet roads that she knows within 20 mins of her home. It's really sad to see actually. She's only in her early 60s and it feels like she's made her world very small.

Please don't end up like her OP, book some motorway lessons to boost your confidence and maybe even therapy to address your anxieties.

Carouselfish · 14/12/2024 13:31

I don't do motorways mainly because I just cannot think at those speeds and I wouldn't be a safe person to have on them. I use a roads or get someone to drive me basically.

Lampzade · 14/12/2024 13:31

I actually prefer driving on the motorway .

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 14/12/2024 13:32

Which parts of motorway driving is the problem? Joining, changing lanes, the speed? It will help give advise.

Does any of your regular driving involve a duel carriage way? There are lots of similarities?

ChristmasinBrighton · 14/12/2024 13:32

I used to be the same. I had hypnotherapy and am absolutely fine now.

Do you have to drive it? Train?

RampantIvy · 14/12/2024 13:33

I agree with @pointythings
The only way you are going to get over your fear is to face it head on. I used to be petrified at the idea of motorway driving, but I now drive on the M1 in South Yorkshire most days. Motorways are very busy at this time of year and, unfortunately, the quieter times will be when it is dark.

Which motorway are you talking about here?

lobsterkiller · 14/12/2024 13:34

I think it's quite common tbh. I personally prefer motorway driving as it all goes in one direction and you have a choice of taking it steady or going a bit faster.

You could book some lessons or alternatively, have some practice runs at quiet times (Sundays at 8ish) and build up from there?

Babbahabba · 14/12/2024 13:35

No I love motorways driving but but since passing my driving test a few years ago, 80% of my driving is on motorways (commute) and I had motorway driving lessons. I do however hate reverse and parallel parking and have managed to avoid it completely 😂But this hatred isn't particularly restrictive and I'll drive anywhere.

Have some lessons with an instructor- it will do wonders for your confidence.

Nanny31 · 14/12/2024 13:37

And I thought I was the only person in the world!!
Been driving years, never attempted the motorway. Just seems like death to me.
If your not comfortable then there's nothing to prove.
Use alternative routes, or other means of transport.
Just my advice 😊

ViaRia01 · 14/12/2024 13:37

I used have the same problem so I booked a driving instructor for refresher lessons. I explained the problem first and she said she could help. I ended up only having one lesson (probably 2 hours I think) and it was amazing. Didn’t need to see her again after that.

For me, the fear was mainly to do with merging onto the motorway and changing lanes and also just driving at double the speed I am used to on local roads. I found it very difficult to make crucial decisions so quickly - as everyone was moving fast, the entire situation could change fast, before I’d committed to a manoeuvre, eg changing lane. I needed a safe and supportive environment to practice making those decisions quickly but getting used to identifying who was moving faster than me, how long it would take for a car in the next lane to reach me, etc.

The instructor also helped me in a way I never expected, around confidence in feeling like I belong on the road just as much as anyone else. That I was not in the way. That I need not worry about anything other than my own driving as other drivers were also free to slow down or overtake as they see fit.

All of that in just two hours!

Not sure if any of this resonates with you but just thought I’d share as, for me, getting over this aversion has been life changing and given me the ability to access so much more in my life.

DreamW3aver · 14/12/2024 13:46

Thinking about this pretty much every job I've had in different parts of the country has involved a commute on a motorway, I can't imagine not driving on them

What are you nervous about?

hulahula2 · 14/12/2024 13:47

Up until about 2 years I was just like this. I point blank refused to go on motorways and missed out on a lot of things because of it.

At the start of the 2021 I made a New Year's resolution to start doing it. Dh took me out a few times and was able to guide me which really helped. I actually found that driving on the motorway is easy, boring even. The bit I struggled with was my sense of direction and knowing when to come off. A sat nav really helped with that.

You can do it op. Just start small and build up your confidence. It's totally worth it and once you get going you'll wonder why you were ever afraid.

MatildaTheCat · 14/12/2024 13:49

@mollyfolk what is it specifically that you are scared of? Speed? Volume of traffic? Distance?

I did a speed awareness course this week and statistically motorways were the safest place to drive a car.

I have a friend who is phobic about motorway driving and without being unpleasant, it’s a real pain. I really hope you find a way to overcome this. A few sessions with an advanced driving instructor might be very helpful.

CaptainBeanThief · 14/12/2024 13:49

I prefer driving on the motorway.
I think if you are too scared of driving on the motorway then dont until you can get some refresher lessons on the motorway or build on your confidence.
People that can't or won't get up to speed or making serious mistakes due to their anxiety on the motorway are a massive danger.

MikeRafone · 14/12/2024 13:49

ViaRia01 · 14/12/2024 13:37

I used have the same problem so I booked a driving instructor for refresher lessons. I explained the problem first and she said she could help. I ended up only having one lesson (probably 2 hours I think) and it was amazing. Didn’t need to see her again after that.

For me, the fear was mainly to do with merging onto the motorway and changing lanes and also just driving at double the speed I am used to on local roads. I found it very difficult to make crucial decisions so quickly - as everyone was moving fast, the entire situation could change fast, before I’d committed to a manoeuvre, eg changing lane. I needed a safe and supportive environment to practice making those decisions quickly but getting used to identifying who was moving faster than me, how long it would take for a car in the next lane to reach me, etc.

The instructor also helped me in a way I never expected, around confidence in feeling like I belong on the road just as much as anyone else. That I was not in the way. That I need not worry about anything other than my own driving as other drivers were also free to slow down or overtake as they see fit.

All of that in just two hours!

Not sure if any of this resonates with you but just thought I’d share as, for me, getting over this aversion has been life changing and given me the ability to access so much more in my life.

Sounds like this is a great idea for the Op at a later date.

Ive never thought that I don't belong on the road as everyone else or that im in the way - especially on a motorway as there is another lane to overtake if they choose and sometimes two lanes to overtake.I can understand how that might make you fell uncomfortable if you think that way

Superhansrantowindsor · 14/12/2024 13:51

Firstly - don’t drive in the motorway if you are scared.
book a lesson on motorway driving. Honestly it is the easiest driving you’ll do. Learn got to join, when to change lane. That’s it.

LostittoBostik · 14/12/2024 13:56

ImSue · 14/12/2024 13:31

My mum didn't used to be, but she is now. The more she avoided them, the more fear she felt over the years, so the more she avoided them, and so on in a spiral of anxiety. Now as a result she will only drive to places on quiet roads that she knows within 20 mins of her home. It's really sad to see actually. She's only in her early 60s and it feels like she's made her world very small.

Please don't end up like her OP, book some motorway lessons to boost your confidence and maybe even therapy to address your anxieties.

A friend in her early 40s is getting like this already. I recently suggested a meet up with a friendship group somewhere that we could all reach easily by a short journey (less than 1 hour, and everyone coming from different parts) and it became clear she wouldn't consider anywhere that couldn't be accessed by train even though she and her DH both have their own cars (so she didn't leave the family car with her DH so he could ferry the kids etc)

FloordrobeIsGoingToGetME · 14/12/2024 13:56

Yes - I had bad anxiety for 10 years which resulted in number of things, including stopping driving on the motorways/A roads between the age of 30 and 40 (having previously been very accomplished).

I tried a lot of things, and finally came across 'trauma driving therapy' with specialists,

I've been back on any and all roads for 15 years now, including Europe.

Driving without constrains or boundaries is my idea of freedom.

For me, it was anxiety related - the motorway was a symptom that I could identify, but there were other things I was avoiding too.

Not any more 😎

It's addressable, OP 💕

Lanzarotelady · 14/12/2024 13:59

If you're not happy driving on a motorway, please don't! I drive on them every day and see people who haven't got a bloody clue what they are doing and quite frankly shouldn't be driving at all!

Fireworknight · 14/12/2024 14:02

I could have written your post, and basically don’t drive on the motorway. If I have to go long distance, I go by train .