Husband hasn't come home

[feelinganxious24]

My husband hasn't come home from his work do. Last year he stayed out to 4am went back to the office drinking so I have a feeling he may have done the same this year and has now fallen asleep in the office. He has been out of the house since 1pm yesterday, no text or phone call. This is normal though as we don't tend to text/call throughout the day/nights out.
I'm due in work shortly and now have to try get our children minded, calling in sick is not an option for me (I may have to though) and personally I think the job will be a distraction. I'm very angry with him as I know he doesn't go out much but when he does he does stuff like this once in a while hence why I'm not panicking about his welfare just yet.

Im by no means perfect , no one is. But I’m mature and sensible enough to know that if I went out on a work do, and I knew my wife was working the next day, I’d be home to be there ..

Id maybe expect this behaviour from a teenager , but a married man with kids?

As adults we have to make sensible choices in life , possibly daily , and knowing you have responsibilities the next day is one of them.

No they shouldn't need to be banned.

There should be a change in ethos though where the accent is on colleagues socialising without having to rely on stupid amounts of alcohol.

And companiets should should take a harder line as regards disciplining bad behaviour on these work occasions. Things like drunk employees going back to their work place to sleep off their drink or, in some cases have sex with colleagues should be considered unacceptable by the firms employing them.

To me, it just shows that he doesn't give a shit about his wife.

There's a massive difference between losing track of time and coming home at 5am when you're "only" going to be useless and hungover the next day, and staying out knowing you're supposed to be looking after your kids so your spouse can work the next day.

The former is annoying but meh, it happens. The latter just shows he doesn't actually give a toss. At all.

I agree. I divorced my first husband because of this sort of thing as I could never rely on him for anything when the DC or I needed him to be around. The lack of respect towards me, made me realise that I was no longer attracted to him.

Totally selfish.
From when my kids were teens we had a rule — you said what time you’d be home and if going to be 15 minutes or more late you had to phone. This applied to me as well and was pre mobile days so you had to be on the ball. Only failed once (DD1) and she knew she’d messed up big time.
Your husband is a selfish idiot. You’re a team, you both have responsibilities. He’s not a student any more.

Maybe you do. If it happened to me I’d probably only tell my best friend. And swear her to secrecy. I’d be embarrassed to admit it freely.

Hmm, maybe.

But I know my own dad never did it, neither have any of my previous partners or DH, or any of my flatmates etc, and I like to think I don't live in some kind of weird parallel universe.

This would be a deal breaker for me. Acting like a single man, devoid of all responsibility.
How will you deal with next Christmas?

Perhaps you should. After Christmas, when this has all died down, fabricate a girls' night out. Do it on a night when you know he's due in at work in the morning. Tell him you won't be late, probably around 10. When he calls to find you at 11 say you lost track of time but you will be leaving shortly. Then turn your phone off. Have a nice hotel booked. Watch a movie, take a bath. Enjoy yourself.

Walk in the door at whatever time you fancy the following day.
And tell him that for every occasion he does this to you again, he'll get it done back to him when he least expects it.

I don’t go out a lot So what? Does he think that it’s ok to do a disappearing act once or twice a year? It’s unacceptable behaviour, whether he does it once a week or once a decade.

Most of my friends are out every weekend Are you supposed to be grateful because his friends are shit and he’s shit, but not quite as shit as them? Aren’t you the lucky one? 🙄 At what point is he intending to phase from being a carefree bloke in his twenties to an adult with responsibilities and a family that comes before having a laugh with his mates?

I’m still home on time for your shift Well he wasn’t, was he? And were you supposed to develop psychic powers to know that he’d be back in time? Or just call your boss 25 minutes before your shift starts to let them know you won’t be there?

I think I’d have to make it clear how contemptuous I found his behaviour. Tell him he’s let you down, he’s worried and frightened you by not letting you know he was ok and would be home late and his behaviour is just not good enough. Tell him that if he does it again, to make sure he’s got somewhere else to go when he wakes up, because you’ll be taking it as a sign that he’s decided to move out. And ask him how he’s going to feel when you just simply stop caring whether he comes home or not, because that will be the natural consequence.

I suppose in my situation my DH would much rather me stay with my friends than travel home alone across London at 3am. Appreciate everyone is different though.

Jeez OP you have my sympathy 💐
I had to put up with this crap, amongst other things from my DH when we still married, but at least we didn't have kids.
And people ask me why I didn't get married again. Sheesh

I'm shocked daily at the absolute twattery women put up with from their husbands and partners. It's unreal (but sadly very real).
He couldn't give a fuck about the inconvenience he's caused you.

Oh my goodness. Not often I read something that leaves me speechless on here. Are you still married to this miscreant?

Does he not go out much? Some go wild when it’s a rare occasion they go out.

Well isn't he an absolute keeper. 🤦🏻‍♀️Pathetic excuse for a dad too.

It's totally irrelevant - his behaviour meant that OP nearly had to cancel work. There's no excuse for that whatsoever.

Hello Sapphire September, yes, unfortunately, I am. I am very unhappy. My beautiful daughter is 16 this year, so many other bad things have happened. At best, he tolerates me. Thanks for asking.
(I hope the op is doing ok)