Husband hasn't come home

[feelinganxious24]

My husband hasn't come home from his work do. Last year he stayed out to 4am went back to the office drinking so I have a feeling he may have done the same this year and has now fallen asleep in the office. He has been out of the house since 1pm yesterday, no text or phone call. This is normal though as we don't tend to text/call throughout the day/nights out.
I'm due in work shortly and now have to try get our children minded, calling in sick is not an option for me (I may have to though) and personally I think the job will be a distraction. I'm very angry with him as I know he doesn't go out much but when he does he does stuff like this once in a while hence why I'm not panicking about his welfare just yet.

He will be down significant amounts of money.
If your finances are split, and you ever take unpaid leave because he couldn’t get his sorry ase home from the pub all night to look after his own children, it is not your pocket that money should come from.
All part of the cost of his wonderful night out.

YANBU X

I feel like you wrote this to try and quell the usual responses of “why do you need to text each other all day” / “why can’t he have a night out without you bothering him” etc responses that are so often given. You’re married to him with kids. Of course he owes you this respect / knowledge of his whereabouts - marriage is about looking out for each other. He’s left you getting close to 24 hours, you’re supposed to be going to work and he’s left you with the kids. You do not need to be relaxed or the “cool wife”.

I would no time for this at all, and it would be a dealbreaker in my marriage. It’s very, very disrespectful.

How can you possibly trust someone like this.
If you are minded to give him a second chance - then do so with a warning that if it ever happens again the marriage is over and mean it.

You deserve his respect. It’s absolutely the bare minimum requirement in a relationship.

I don’t understand the concept of voluntarily “going back to the office” to drink. 1) why would you and 2) why would your company permit such an obvious insurance hazard? And social/professional risk?

I can’t get my head around the fact that some people would end a marriage over this. Yes anger, yes a bollocking but end a marriage?

@kitren People say all sorts, they rarely follow through.

Welcome to adulthood mate!!

Op I would explain to him that as a single parent he would have significantly less opportunities to do such things and they he should be able to conduct himself like a sensible adult when drinking or he shouldn't drink any more. If he's that out of control of himself while drinking then he should be sober.

Exactly.
we had a Christmas event and no one drank any alcohol at all.

But I have seen horrible drunken behaviour from boozing to excess at Christmas work events.

So does that mean he gets a free pass to wander in when he wants?

@Whathappensnowplease

maybe they should be banned on account of these stupid men who can’t handle their drink?? Problem solved and no one can have fun.

If he makes you miss work through his grossly irresponsible, selfish behaviour. he should be pinging you the money you lost out on at work. All of it.

What is wrong with people who think this is okay to do to people they profess to love!?!

People will treat with disrespect if you put up with it!

Pathetic. It's the sort of whinging toddlers and teenagers do It's not fair all my friends are allowed to do x.

He needs to grow up and be an adult, so what if his friends are out and about every weekend?

If he can't control himself on a night out and not get stupidly drunk to show how he is enjoying himself then he is even more pathetic.

We've done this. Office has toilets, beer fridges, sound system and was where we'd started the night. The company didn't "permit" it, but everyone had a pass to get in the building.

Ok but its really foolish of corporate to permit it.

Christmas Mumsnet bingo.

With his Santa hat askew, a pair of frilly knickers spilling from his pocket and carrying a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels, saying he's going up to bed for a while.

I'd do nothing today, but I'd be walking out the house for a day out by myself at 6am on Monday morning. No notice. Let him sort childcare and panic trying to get the kids out and sorted before work.

Hope being at work takes your mind off what a selfish prick your husband has been… well until you get home later, then you can give him what for!

I think it’s totally disrespectful of him, I wouldn’t stand for this!

It wouldn’t bother me if we had no plans the next day but I’d be raging if I was relying on him to be home!

OP, have an evening out with your friends some time in the next month or two and book yourself into a hotel beforehand. Have a lovely child and husband free night away, maybe let him know at some point that you're safe but have kicked on somewhere and won't be home til some time the next day. He'll have to sort the kids, call in sick or whatever. Take what you need out of the joint account and enjoy yourself.

This is MN. Doesn’t take much to elicit screams of LTB !!

What an arse.

He doesn’t get to choose to opt out of his responsibilities.

unforgivable IMO