(CW Child abuse) Why do mothers not protect their children from abusive boyfriends

[OutWithTheMule]

There has been another horrific child abuse death and I have noticed in the majority of these cases the mothers boyfriend has been abusing the child, and the mother is aware and allows it to happen, and usually protects them by trying to cover it up from the police after the fact.

In the awful case that has been in the news today the mother had only been with her boyfriend for 36 days. She allowed the abuse to continue because she didn't want him to leave her. How the fuck can you choose someone you have known 36 days over your own child!?

I just can't understand why these women choose their boyfriends over their children, if anyone laid a finger on my daughter I would flay them!! Even if you wouldn't physically intervene you would take your child and leave surely? If the boyfriend isn't the child's father they have no access to them if you just take them somewhere else. I know women are sometimes scared to leave abusive partners but often in these stories the partner is not abusing the mother, they are only abusing the child and the mother either passively allows it or sometimes joins in.

I understand that the fault lies with the boyfriends obviously, they are monsters and there is no excusing their actions, it's horrific. But it makes sense, violent men abuse children, it's straightforward as disgusting as it is. What I cannot understand for the life of me is why a mother would allow a boyfriend to harm their child or actively choose a boyfriend over their child. It just doesn't make any sense to me. Can anyone shed any light on these women's behaviour?

No, you’re really not saying what the data shows. You are throwing out unsubstantiated irrelevant data points and then drawing massive conclusions that are not supported by the data points. Eg. “75% of girls being send child porn [sex abuse images]” - even if this remarkable data point is true, it doesn’t disprove the real data.

Child sexual abuse is the rarest form of child abuse. It even occurs less often than children witnessing domestic abuse.

Totally agree with this. And I see apologists are already out quoting this trauma, or that history or ND possibilities or MH whatever for her.

Up until she met that bloke, by all accounts her child was happy, healthy and thriving. She allowed that child to be abused and killed and then couldnt give a shit what happned to the child's body

So she is far worse than him, just look at the pictures of him, he looks like he can barely have the intelligence to put one foot in front of the other, so why does she get people apologising for her and making excuses when he is likely to have perhaps a plethora of issues/factors into why he was what he was.

Because your examples regarding women on the tube were mostly sexual harrassment.

It is very difficult to wade through your exaggeration, the throwing out of random and slightly irrelevant unsourced data points, the mixing up of adult women with children, the lumping together sexual harrassment with sexual assault of adults by calling it “sexual abuse” which is a term that applies to children, not to adults.

What is your view then? I have paraphrased what you have written and now you are saying you are not writing your views in your posts? Whose views are they if not your own?

Editing to add it is still not clear how any of this supports your posts saying that “99.3%” of girls are victims of child abuse while “99.3%” of boys are not.

@soupfiend in this case it was drugs and alcohol. Hence going from 0 to murder.

That is the real data. kids being sent dick pics is child abuse and is very common. Just because you think kids being sent images of children's penises are being a non issue or being coerced into sending images of themselves back then doesn't mean to say it isn't. It is common and and it is sexual abuse.

Ofsted even report that this happens a lot and is considered normal not rare. I do not dismiss sexual abuse of children. Sorry if you do.

Chelsea says the reason she left Jeff in 2019 was because he led her to drugs.

So why on earth did she get back with him years later with a small child?

She made a choice, she knew what he was like.

They feel so bad about themselves that they chase anything that gives them a little hit of self worth. Absolutely pathetic really

Yes this, I've thought this for years, some women have such low self esteem that they'll put up with any old shit just to have a man in their life, even at the expense of their own children, it's pathetic that their head is turned so easily...

The Chelsea case she apparently has learning difficulties.
It seems she accidentally fell pregnant rather than choosing to settle down and have a dc with a strong relationship and good partner.. The next bf sounds like he used her for money etc and companionship.. She didn't have the capacity to work out what's the best thing for her child.

Unfortunately childcare is the new hair dresser for the government so many ill suited youngsters have been directed to child care courses where before it would be hair and beauty.

My niece works in this area and she said many of the "students", you wouldn't leave a cat with let alone a child.

Touching someone sexually via groping and rubbing themselves up on someone is sexual abuse.

I have already corrected that twice but you seem hell bent on ignoring it.

Adults can be sexually abused you are wrong for saying that adults being touched without consent is not abuse. It most certainly is. This is why it is minimised because ppl do not see it as a problem.

So now you are asking my view when you clearly stated you knew it? You do not at all. You cannot cope with me replying to someone and talking about one thing without you making things up to suit your bee in your bonnet. Not sure what your issue is with excusing abuse or ignoring victims but quite frankly it is abhorrent.

I have never said I think any of those things. I have said factually that child sexual abuse is the rarest form of child abuse. I disagree with you that any child abuse is “normal”. I disagree with you that you can use statistics concerning assaults of adults to say anything about child abuse.

Look at the data concerning all forms of child abuse (ONS bar graph attached again). Saying the facts that every other type of child abuse is more common than child sexual abuse is not dismissing child sexual abuse.

In fact, your insistence on totally ignoring physical abuse, neglect and emotional abuse of children is very dismissive especially in light of the fact that physical abuse and neglect are the types of child abuse that result in murdered children.

None of the cases of children killed by their parents discussed on this thread were due to child sexual abuse- so why the hell are you constantly pushing a narrative that completely ignores these more serious and more common types of child abuse?

Where do you work because thats not the case at my LA

ACEs are part and parcel of what makes up a persons history and how they have worked with that, are they replicating those, what support they've had with that, what insight they have with that is all part of assessment and analysis of how they come to parent now.

I find it interesting how in discussions like this, the actions of female perpetrators are so often speculated to stem from a history of trauma and abuse, but the same speculation generally does not occur in the case of male perpetrators. And when male perpetrators report a history of abuse it tends to be dismissed as irrelevant or disbelieved, often viewed as a means to get a more lenient sentence. This phenomenon has played out several times on this thread. There are some fascinating studies on this.

So same for him then I presume.

Yes, but you included more examples of sexual harassment in your list - cat calling, staring, propositions, following and so on and I thought that was why you felt secure in exaggerating by saying “it happens to most women hundreds of times day in and day out” it being “sexual abuse” which is “the norm”

For the last time, sexual touching of an adult without their consent is sexual assault, it is not sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is used for child victims where they cannot give consent. You should not be using it on a thread about child abuse when you are putting out figures that you then later clarify as applying to adult women. I note you have not provided a single source to substantiate any of your figures/%.

I thought what you said was your view and referred to it as such, you then denied it was your view, so I asked you what is your view then? You are acting very strangely on this thread if I’m being honest. It’s like you are starting your own thread about how often adult women are being harassed and assaulted on the tube within a thread about the deaths of vulnerable children from physical and neglectful child abuse. It’s pretty disrespectful and disconcerting. I am going to disengage from you now.

So you think these girls lie that they have been sent such images or what?

I have looked at it and at no point have I said that this is not the case. You said sexual abuse is rare. It is not. You keep on bleating on that kids are not experiencing things and calling victims liars. I also never said that I have ignored it, I have responded to questions about sexual abuse and comments relating to that.

Just because I responded to your claim that sexual abuse is rare doesn't mean I ignore the others I was responding to your comment about sexual abuse. If you notice then I have commented prior to yours about that but YOU ignored that for some reason. Why is that? Not suit your agenda? If you commented that physical abuse is rare I would comment on physical abuse but then you would cry that I was ignoring all others then when I did that, wouldn't you?

If you wish to have a discussion about each individual kind of abuse by all means crack on. You seem to have a real issue on someone responding to a comment and find debating a bit of a challenge. I am allowed to respond to one comment and that doesn't mean others are ignored. However you openly ignore victims by saying they are not experiencing it and their reports are not truthful.

Please show me where I said that it should be ignored? You are lying there or completely sick in suggesting that because the topic I was discussing was sexual abuse that I ignore the rest. That is wholly inappropriate and also quite defamatory and if that is what you think then I suggest you withdraw that statement.

Why the hell should I reply to someone on a thread? Oh because that is called debating. Do you not understand how that works. Still waiting for you to say the same to others but you will not. Not sure why?

So by your reckoning we have to talk about all kids of abuse in all comments or are labelled as ignoring them even if the discussion was not on about them?

I never mentioned cat calling or staring or propositions at all. That is a lie. Not once have I mentioned that. You are back-tracking now you got called out.

It is sexual abuse. Sorry you wish to minimise things. I have offered a source. You clearly haven't read around the subject if you do not know that data.

No you stated it WAS my view. Nope I am not starting my own thread. I responded to comments and you took offence and started with your own agenda for some reason and ignored their comments on the subject. Not sure why?

You are quite abhorrent to ignore abuse of children and to lie about me.

Please quote me where I said about cat-calling, staring, propositions and following or else admit you lied.

So you think these girls lie that they have been sent such images or what?

@schmeler Who is sending them the images?

Mostly male children - 52% of child sex abusers are other children. Mostly males.

“You said sexual abuse is rare. It is not. You keep on bleating on that kids are not experiencing things and calling victims liars.”

Sorry but this is a pack of lies, I have never said any of that. You are misrepresenting how I stated that child sexual abuse is the rarest form of child abuse. It is. I can’t help it of you can’t comprehend thar “rarest form of” doesn’t mean flat out “rare”. I won’t attach the ONS bar graph again as it’s obviously not within your capacity to consider actual data.

Yes, I think you should at least include child abuse other than child sexual abuse when making grandiose unsourced assertions to the effect that “99.3% of boys” are not victims of child abuse especially on a thread where real children who have died from child abuse that wasn’t sexual are being discussed.

Where did the male children get the images?

I agree. I don't know how you wouldn't know. Same as child sex abuse. How do these paedophiles get access to the children? I'm talking when it isn't the father carrying out the abuse.

You very clearly did say it was rare. Ah so now when I said it was common and you said no isn't that meant that is is common!

I clearly responded about the graph you chose to ignore my response about that. Yet again. It is obviously not within your capacity to understand basics.

I said someone else said that 99.3% of boys are victims as they said the data was equal. I think you should stop ignoring what I have said about it because of your bee in your bonnet and also stop lying about me. Maybe read the whole thread and you will see where I spoke about child abuse and abusers....you kind of missed it - purposely I reckon!

They made them themselves - taking pictures of their own bodies.

You said “Jack Russelled” on the tube which means men acting like dogs- wolf whistles, catcalling, staring, dogging your heels (following), and making sexual comments.

There is only one liar here and it isn’t I.