To ask how you find joy in Christmas?

[TheGrinchIsComingToTown]

A few years ago, I remember Christmas used to feel really special. Even as an adult, it felt so special and exciting, family time was always hard to come by and I loved it.

Three years ago, two weeks before Christmas my gran got diagnosed with terminal cancer. I remember I was at uni, preparing a flat Christmas dinner when I got a call from my mum saying I had to get on a train home then and there. I had to drop everything and go home, and from then it was just caring for my gran. She did four days after Christmas.

From then on family Christmas kind of stopped, I remember that Christmas Day was awful, we went to see my gran who by that point had full time carers with her, and she couldn't remember who we were. We went home for Christmas dinner and just got absolutely wasted because we couldn't cope.

I don't think I ever moved past it and now Christmas just feels flat. It gets to this time of year and I'm just begging for it to be over, my sister has young children so that's nice when we're with them, but apart from that it's just the same old shit but it's cold and dark.

I don't want to be this person, Christmas used to be my favourite time of year and I just want to get some of that joy back. How do you do it?

I've not actually said magic - aware that's Father Christmas etc. I just mean enjoying the season, instead of it feeling like a chore

One of my adult sons says Christmas is a long run up to quite a small jump.

I find this a good way to manage expectations.

I was a similar age (18) when I lost my aunt to cancer in Christmas Day, from then on Christmas was different, but then I was now an adult too. I think for a few years Christmas was just pretty boring until I had children, then it became chaotic and stressful. My dc are now young adults (the age I was when Christmas became a bit rubbish) and I think I enjoy Christmas a bit more now than ever before, probably because it’s pretty stress free, we keep it low key but we enjoy eating out, meeting up with friends and gifting as adults. Christmas just changes as you get older, it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

This is what people mean by grief taking time to heal. It took 5 years for me not to get depressed from the time of my mums cancer diagnosis to her death a few months later.

What worked for me is accepting it would be a bit of fake it til you make it.

It wasn't always smooth sailing but this year I'm happy and thinking of fond memories.

Give yourself permission to grieve but don't feel guilty or too sad to live.