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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Football match and I am 6 months pregnant

102 replies

NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 06:48

Hi Everyone,

Sorry I need to know AIBU here because I am fuming. I am almost 6 months pregnant with my 3rd child. My children are 6 and almost 2, so very dependent and at the moment I am really exhausted all time balancing home life and Uni and a pregnancy. My partner and I have had discussions about trying to buy our first home and save. He works full time , pays his way and hardly ever goes out and is a really good hands on dad. This weekend he has told me his colleague has a spare ticket to go and watch the football and I have asked if he minds declining as I am burnt out. I haven't got any support , i mean NONE and I need him to help me as my 2 year old is very active. He has kicked off saying I am controlling him and that I don't let him have a life which has upset me. This is not the case at all and I would never stop him from going out I just feel so worn out plus we're supposed to be saving and i have been very disciplined

AIBU?

OP posts:
Oldermum84 · 13/12/2024 09:25

Abridget7 · 13/12/2024 08:11

He last went to a football match nearly 2years ago… wow.
It baffles me how some women just cannot cope. If you were 9months and due any day I could reasonably expect you to say no but surely you can get by for an afternoon. Assuming this so rare for him, he probably won’t be going anywhere for another 2years.

Why does it baffle you? The OP has a 6 year old with additional needs, a 2 year old, is doing a degree and is 6 months pregnant. This is a lot, surely?! I know if this was me I would be struggling!

OP appears in need of support, not judgement.

OP has also said she has now agreed he can go. Make sure you get DH to look after the kids so you can get a break on another day, OP.

BodyKeepingScore · 13/12/2024 09:25

If he's usually hands on, and doesn't go out very often then I don't see an issue with this. I think in this instance YABU

Starlight1979 · 13/12/2024 09:37

Thank you everyone for your feedback. He is going and beaming

Sorry but this sounds awful. He's beaming because you have allowed him to go to a football match.....? It sounds like he is the child and you are his parent 😕

Original poster
NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 09:52

Starlight1979 · 13/12/2024 09:37

Thank you everyone for your feedback. He is going and beaming

Sorry but this sounds awful. He's beaming because you have allowed him to go to a football match.....? It sounds like he is the child and you are his parent 😕

He's beaming because he gets to watch a game anyone would be beaming please don't try to make something bigger than what it is

OP posts:
broccolienthusiast · 13/12/2024 09:54

For a website called mumsnet you guys really seem to hate mothers 😎

Original poster
NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 09:56

RegulatorsMountUp · 13/12/2024 09:05

Derailing the thread somewhat but if you have zero support and no friends (not a single friend? That is rare) and struggle with disabled children why have a third? I just don't really understand this mindset so genuinely asking.

I'd prioritise building your 'village' from now really- particularly other school/nursery mums etc that you could call on in emergencies. Also utilise free nursery hours for the 2 year old if you can. Good luck OP and glad you came to your senses about the football.

Support is something I've never had i can live with it ,it's difficult but not impossible just harder when pregnant. I love children and love being a mother . The timing isn't great as the third was unplanned but because he is so helpful and we parent well so it wasn't second guessed. Everything sort of happened all at once, I fell pregnant and didn't know until I already enrolled into Uni.

OP posts:
BamboleoQueen · 13/12/2024 10:21

YBVU

Everyone needs downtime away from the family.

I suspect your reaction is telling you more about your own lack of self care and downtime than it is a reaction to your husband going out.

You both have a lot on your plate, have you had a look to see if you have a local parent carer forum group? It's a national initiative run on a local level that gets parents of kids with additional needs together. It might be something that suits you and gives you the outlet you need.

bittertwisted · 13/12/2024 10:23

broccolienthusiast · 13/12/2024 09:54

For a website called mumsnet you guys really seem to hate mothers 😎

I totally agree
Of course he should be going to the football, she's agreed, and is happy for him. For over an OP takes on board YABU. Happy outcome

In return she's been torn to shreds

The bullying and sanctimonious race to the bottom is disturbing

enzomari · 13/12/2024 10:47

Sorry OP, I think in this case you are being unreasonable. I do get it though as it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Could you go out on Sunday and he looks after the other kids then?

user2848502016 · 13/12/2024 10:57

It's a football match, he'll be gone a few hours! Let him go and enjoy himself.
He could repay the favour by getting up with the kids in the morning so you can have a lie in

BogRollBOGOF · 13/12/2024 11:01

This thread's proving a good test of who can be arsed to read a thread. The "cancel the cheques" and general OP kickers are in full force.

Well done OP for reflecting and realising that your initial reaction was not reasonable and accepting it in good grace.

I hope he has a lovely time and that the exhaustion eases up for you a bit.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 13/12/2024 11:19

Let him go.

You can have your time another day.

Original poster
NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 12:20

bittertwisted · 13/12/2024 10:23

I totally agree
Of course he should be going to the football, she's agreed, and is happy for him. For over an OP takes on board YABU. Happy outcome

In return she's been torn to shreds

The bullying and sanctimonious race to the bottom is disturbing

Show quote history

I know right, talk about kick me when I'm down! This is honestly my first and last post 😅 I needed some advice got it and took it I don't understand how it turned into a bash me down thread but thank you for the positive comment I appreciate it x

OP posts:
Penguinmouse · 13/12/2024 12:23

Sorry but YABU. It’s an afternoon - he needs a break so do you. He goes to this then owes you one back.

Gogogo12345 · 13/12/2024 12:47

NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 09:16

I love the assumptions ,
I never said he wasn't a good man , in fact I stress this. I did work but as I care for my daughter, I am not entitled to feel tired in pregnancy lol?

Show quote history

What have I assumed?

MsCactus · 13/12/2024 13:16

If he looks after the kids regularly, he deserves to go out once in a while. So do you

Why don't you let him go Saturday and book something nice for yourself out of the house on Sunday?

YABU to not let him go imo

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/12/2024 13:22

Can you arrange things so you geta rest FIRST before this match takes place? So say he does the morning single handed and you can just sleep?

5128gap · 13/12/2024 13:29

In the context you describe I think you are being unreasonable. It's a one off and I think you should be looking for ways to facilitate it rather than the default no. For example, him doing double duty either side of the match so you get some rest, prepping some food for you all before he goes or whatever else would help. Because not only is it the right thing to do, but he's started to throw 'controlling' at you, which suggests some resentment has taken seed. Once that happens and he's attached that label to you it will be harder for you to get him to comply with reasonable requests.

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 13/12/2024 13:30

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/12/2024 13:22

Can you arrange things so you geta rest FIRST before this match takes place? So say he does the morning single handed and you can just sleep?

That is a very good idea.

MumonabikeE5 · 13/12/2024 13:32

Given he rarely goes out I’d have tried to facilitate a weekend football trip.
on the understanding that it wasn’t a bender that incapacitated him the next day

MumonabikeE5 · 13/12/2024 13:35

I’m sorry I didn’t read the whole thread.
didn’t mean to add to a pile on .
my bad.

hope that you have some rest.
and that the coming months are ok.

these intense phases of life do pass. Things will get easier again.

Maddy70 · 13/12/2024 13:37

Yabu. Hes allowed downtime too.
But tell him sunday is your day bes in charge of the kids ehike you relax

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 13/12/2024 13:44

You are being a bit unfair as he hardly ever goes out but I would say you should be able to do something for yourself as well

Oblomov24 · 13/12/2024 13:50

YABU

rainbowstardrops · 13/12/2024 13:51

The OP said ages ago that she's realised she was being unreasonable and that her DH is indeed going to the match now and yet people still post telling her she's unreasonable! Read the bloody thread, or at least the OP's replies!!!!
I'm glad your DH is going to the football and hopefully he'll realise how exhausted you are right now and he'll take the kids out for a bit either before he goes, or on Sunday so that you can have some time out too.
I never understand the pile-ons on MN.