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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Football match and I am 6 months pregnant

102 replies

NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 06:48

Hi Everyone,

Sorry I need to know AIBU here because I am fuming. I am almost 6 months pregnant with my 3rd child. My children are 6 and almost 2, so very dependent and at the moment I am really exhausted all time balancing home life and Uni and a pregnancy. My partner and I have had discussions about trying to buy our first home and save. He works full time , pays his way and hardly ever goes out and is a really good hands on dad. This weekend he has told me his colleague has a spare ticket to go and watch the football and I have asked if he minds declining as I am burnt out. I haven't got any support , i mean NONE and I need him to help me as my 2 year old is very active. He has kicked off saying I am controlling him and that I don't let him have a life which has upset me. This is not the case at all and I would never stop him from going out I just feel so worn out plus we're supposed to be saving and i have been very disciplined

AIBU?

OP posts:
Sugargliderwombat · 13/12/2024 07:12

You say you'd never stop him going out but you are! If he never goes out it really isn't fair, imagine it was the other way around.

I think you need to book something to do either the following weekend or the enxt day though.

EmpressOfTheThread · 13/12/2024 07:13

NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 07:06

Fair, I have been a single parent so I am aware. My 6 year old is autistic so it is very full on , I'm studying a degree so I do find it intense but I guess that's my issue. I do take this on board though I do not want to suffocate him any usual circumstances I would of usually been all for it. Maybe I am being selfish and I am not disputing that which is why I wanted a second opinion and I am adult enough to accept if I have done something wrong

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You're doing the right thing getting opinions because it's easy to get into a certain mindset when you're exhausted and stressed.
I hope you manage to get a bit of downtime too.

Spirallingdownwards · 13/12/2024 07:21

It sounds like he more than pulls his weight then if the child you are struggling with isn't even his but that he is hands on and pulls his weight. Let him have an afternoon off. You are 6 month's pregnant - he won't be going anywhere I assume when baby 3 arrives.

Original poster
NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 07:21

EmpressOfTheThread · 13/12/2024 07:13

You're doing the right thing getting opinions because it's easy to get into a certain mindset when you're exhausted and stressed.
I hope you manage to get a bit of downtime too.

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Thank you, I appreciate your feedback he is now going and happy, I do feel bad now, when you haven't got people to really call you out if you're wrong sometimes you can make bad choices

Thanks againn

OP posts:
EmpressOfTheThread · 13/12/2024 07:24

NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 07:21

Thank you, I appreciate your feedback he is now going and happy, I do feel bad now, when you haven't got people to really call you out if you're wrong sometimes you can make bad choices

Thanks againn

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💐

Jagoda · 13/12/2024 07:24

Well done for taking it on the chin OP. So many don’t!!

Send him off with a smile, and make plans for some time off for yourself. Can you bring in reinforcements? Just so you can go to the loo in peace?

RedHelenB · 13/12/2024 07:26

HollyGolightly4 · 13/12/2024 06:51

I think you are being unreasonable. If he hardly ever goes out, this opportunity is nice for him- you say you don't stop him, but you're literally doing that. You just need to take time the next day

This.

oakleaffy · 13/12/2024 07:26

Why have a third child if you find the first two hard to cope with?

Let him go to the game.

Microgal · 13/12/2024 07:30

oakleaffy · 13/12/2024 07:26

Why have a third child if you find the first two hard to cope with?

Let him go to the game.

Maybe it wasn’t planned?!

Wordau · 13/12/2024 07:30

oakleaffy · 13/12/2024 07:26

Why have a third child if you find the first two hard to cope with?

Let him go to the game.

Not all children are planned.

But yes, to plan a third child when financially, personally and emotionally stretched and while studying at uni does seem an odd choice.

EmpressOfTheThread · 13/12/2024 07:32

Anyway, there's a baby on the way and the OP is agreeing that he can go to the footie.
It gets a bit stressful and exhausting at the best of times, doesn't it, never mind with an additional needs child.

Londonrach1 · 13/12/2024 07:34

Yabu and you know that. He hands on and never goes out. He been offered a free ticket...go for it. He allowed time out as are you. The next day you do sound he looks after the children

Lowcarbonated · 13/12/2024 07:36

You're being massively unreasonable, and quite unkind. You say yourself he hardly ever goes out. It's an opportunity that presumably doesn't come along very often. Your 6 months PG, not about to give birth and you have let yourself in for having three very young children, so will have to cope with them alone at some point. The poor man isn't a house elf!

Edit to add I see you've changed your mind. Well done for admitting you were wrong and I hope the weekend goes smoothly for you.

Londonrach1 · 13/12/2024 07:36

Well done op, sorry didn't read update. Hope he has a lovely day and comes back refreshed. Now you need to plan a similar time out. Hope you both have a lovely Christmas x

Mt563 · 13/12/2024 07:40

Sounds like you're both burnt out and need to rethink the balance of your free time. You both need some completely child free down time each week. That may be alone, it may be with friends, it may be at home or outside. I can't switch off at home but I find an hour at a coffee shop with a good book surprisingly restorative.

Original poster
NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 07:40

oakleaffy · 13/12/2024 07:26

Why have a third child if you find the first two hard to cope with?

Let him go to the game.

I don't find my children hard to cope with , I am just exhausted from the pregnancy. He has been out before to a match when my son was first born and I was fine with it , I just would have liked to have a bit of extra help because I am exhausted.

OP posts:
ChessorBuckaroo · 13/12/2024 07:40

As others have said OP, you both need a break. So he gets to go to a game, then you can do something (maybe on Sunday if his game is Saturday?).

07whatever · 13/12/2024 07:42

If it's his team and he hardly ever goes out then let him go.
I'm sorry but you can't expect him to be glued to you all day everyday.
You're both allowed time out, maybe next weekend you do something without the kids?

NestaArcheron · 13/12/2024 07:47

YABU, it's a one off. He's there the day after for you to have a lazy day, let him go.

NestaArcheron · 13/12/2024 07:49

oakleaffy · 13/12/2024 07:26

Why have a third child if you find the first two hard to cope with?

Let him go to the game.

She never said this - she's pregnant and knackered. What a completely unnecessary comment, did that make you feel good about yourself?

CrazyGoatLady · 13/12/2024 07:51

NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 07:21

Thank you, I appreciate your feedback he is now going and happy, I do feel bad now, when you haven't got people to really call you out if you're wrong sometimes you can make bad choices

Thanks againn

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This is lovely, I hope you also get to have some time away from home and childcare responsibilities to do something you want to do too. We all need that!

User820825 · 13/12/2024 07:56

I remember when I was pregnant with my second child watching my dh play with dd1 and wondering how he could have the energy to do it. Being pregnant can be much more tiring than looking after children after they are born.

I still think YABU though but so do you now! Grin Maybe he can take them to the park or something before he goes.

Manchesterbythesea · 13/12/2024 07:59

I know you’re knackered. That’s life with kids I’m afraid. You are being unreasonable though expecting him to miss out on a football match. It’s not like he’s going to Marbella for a fortnight.

Original poster
NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 08:00

Thank you everyone for your feedback. He is going and beaming , I think i was being unreasonable i felt guilty straight away to be honest. At the time of asking him to decline i was very overwhelmed I think looking at the bigger picture he is a good man and definitely needs a break too

OP posts:
Mt563 · 13/12/2024 08:02

Well done you, now make sure you ask for some time too