Page 3 | Football match and I am 6 months pregnant

NAY0110 · 2024-12-13T06:48:27+00:00

Hi Everyone, Sorry I need to know AIBU here because I am fuming. I am almost 6 months pregnant with my 3rd child. My children are 6 and almost 2, so very dependent and at the moment I am really exhausted all time balancing home life and Uni and a pregnancy. My partner and I have had discussions about trying to buy our first home and save. He works full time , pays his way and hardly ever goes out and is a really good hands on dad. This weekend he has told me his colleague has a spare ticket to go and watch the football and I have asked if he minds declining as I am burnt out. I haven't got any support , i mean NONE and I need him to help me as my 2 year old is very active. He has kicked off saying I am controlling him and that I don't let him have a life which has upset me. This is not the case at all and I would never stop him from going out I just feel so worn out plus we're supposed to be saving and i have been very disciplined AIBU?

Mumistiredzzzz · 13/12/2024 08:04

He should be able to go, same as you should be able to go out when you want.

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 13/12/2024 08:05

It's so refreshing to have someone ask if they are unreasonable, be told that are and then actually take it on board!

@NAY0110, please make sure you get some time to yourself on whichever day your husband isn't going to the football. You deserve a break just as much as he does.

AluckyEllie · 13/12/2024 08:10

I get it @NAY0110. They are your only break from parenting (I look forward to the weekends when I can have a hand and share the load) so sometimes it’s easy to forget they need a break from their loads too. Make sure you take yourself off to a cafe or get a lie in as well this weekend.

Abridget7 · 13/12/2024 08:11

He last went to a football match nearly 2years ago… wow.
It baffles me how some women just cannot cope. If you were 9months and due any day I could reasonably expect you to say no but surely you can get by for an afternoon. Assuming this so rare for him, he probably won’t be going anywhere for another 2years.

Donkeyfromshrek · 13/12/2024 08:14

I am glad he is going but make sure he repays the favour and you get some time out to properly relax this weekend too. Sounds like you really need it.

Original poster

NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 08:17

Abridget7 · 13/12/2024 08:11

He last went to a football match nearly 2years ago… wow.
It baffles me how some women just cannot cope. If you were 9months and due any day I could reasonably expect you to say no but surely you can get by for an afternoon. Assuming this so rare for him, he probably won’t be going anywhere for another 2years.

It baffles you that some women have disabled children?, not one bit of support ...i'm talking can't even go to A&E when needed without having to take the children if partner is unavailable.
I have accepted my fault but drawing me out is not going to be okay with me.
My third pregnancy was very much unplanned and up until this I have always got on with it. He hasn't been to a football match in 2 years because he hasn't been able to get tickets , he has been out he is not on ball and chain ! He was upset because he can never get tickets and the one time he did i asked him not to go which has now changed. I can very much cope with my children and I do a lot with them. My 6 year old is active as she has autism and ADHD and I at this current moment cannot keep up that's all it is. So please do not ever insinuate I cannot cope with my children because on a normal day I can and do.

OP posts:

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 13/12/2024 08:17

Abridget7 · 13/12/2024 08:11

He last went to a football match nearly 2years ago… wow.
It baffles me how some women just cannot cope. If you were 9months and due any day I could reasonably expect you to say no but surely you can get by for an afternoon. Assuming this so rare for him, he probably won’t be going anywhere for another 2years.

It baffles me how some women just cannot cope.

Whereas men are famed for their unwavering ability to cope with looking after their children alone, without drafting in the nearest female relative... while 6 months pregnant...

Edingril · 13/12/2024 08:19

Sirzy · 13/12/2024 06:51

You are both allowed time to relax away from work and children.

This and if you are this tired now how will you be with another child

Parents can't lock themselves away because they keep on having children

HappyTwo · 13/12/2024 08:19

I'm sorry but your life is very busy - if you do not have support than you need to find some even if its paid for because your relationship will implode if you don't let each other have some down time.

GinaDreamsofRunningAway · 13/12/2024 08:20

NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 08:00

Thank you everyone for your feedback. He is going and beaming , I think i was being unreasonable i felt guilty straight away to be honest. At the time of asking him to decline i was very overwhelmed I think looking at the bigger picture he is a good man and definitely needs a break too

Good for you. I understand the tiredness, pregnancy and young ones is exhausting and overwhelming at times. But you are doing the right thing being okay with him going. It will be lovely for him to have some downtime and do something for himself and he will appreciate you all the more for you agreeing its okay he can go.

You could ask him if he could look after the kids a bit on Sunday so YOU get some downtime to do something for you for a while? Even if its just going out for a walk and a coffee then coming home for a nice hot bath.

Pulling together and being understanding of one another and what each of you is going through (and needs) is so important when you are parents.

MarchingInto2025 · 13/12/2024 08:31

I love threads like this when OP asks AIBU, is told yes you are, and then they accept the verdict with good grace. It's quite rare for people to take feedback on the chin. Hope you feel a bit brighter soon OP, it's hard work and exhausting being pregnant on top of the rest.

Completelyjo · 13/12/2024 08:38

NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 07:40

I don't find my children hard to cope with , I am just exhausted from the pregnancy. He has been out before to a match when my son was first born and I was fine with it , I just would have liked to have a bit of extra help because I am exhausted.

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The fact that the other time you bring up him going to a match was 2 years ago shows how unreasonable you’re being.

Moonlightstars · 13/12/2024 08:43

NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 07:21

Thank you, I appreciate your feedback he is now going and happy, I do feel bad now, when you haven't got people to really call you out if you're wrong sometimes you can make bad choices

Thanks againn

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Don't feel bad. I respect you. It's understandable you didn't want him going out given your circs (though it was unreasonable). You asked on here for opinions and listened. Many people struggle to do even those last two things and admit their wrong.
Hope you get some rest on Sunday!

SuperfluousHen · 13/12/2024 08:53

MarchingInto2025 · 13/12/2024 08:31

I love threads like this when OP asks AIBU, is told yes you are, and then they accept the verdict with good grace. It's quite rare for people to take feedback on the chin. Hope you feel a bit brighter soon OP, it's hard work and exhausting being pregnant on top of the rest.

I was so impressed with the way @NAY0110 took the advice. Well done to her, that’s a mature attitude and very commendable. Best to you Nay0110 xx

Original poster

NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 09:00

SuperfluousHen · 13/12/2024 08:53

I was so impressed with the way @NAY0110 took the advice. Well done to her, that’s a mature attitude and very commendable. Best to you Nay0110 xx

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Thank you , sometimes we need to be called out if we have made a mistake I'm grateful for the advice given

OP posts:

Barrenfieldoffucks · 13/12/2024 09:04

I wouldn't frame it as a mistake, it was an emotional reaction to a disappointment while hormonal. You were looking forward to having some backup, and won't have it for a bit. He's not unreasonable to go, but equally it is ok to feel the way you did.

You've moved on from that, but make sure you pay heed to how you felt and get some respite over the weekend.

RegulatorsMountUp · 13/12/2024 09:05

Derailing the thread somewhat but if you have zero support and no friends (not a single friend? That is rare) and struggle with disabled children why have a third? I just don't really understand this mindset so genuinely asking.

I'd prioritise building your 'village' from now really- particularly other school/nursery mums etc that you could call on in emergencies. Also utilise free nursery hours for the 2 year old if you can. Good luck OP and glad you came to your senses about the football.

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 13/12/2024 09:09

RegulatorsMountUp · 13/12/2024 09:05

Derailing the thread somewhat but if you have zero support and no friends (not a single friend? That is rare) and struggle with disabled children why have a third? I just don't really understand this mindset so genuinely asking.

I'd prioritise building your 'village' from now really- particularly other school/nursery mums etc that you could call on in emergencies. Also utilise free nursery hours for the 2 year old if you can. Good luck OP and glad you came to your senses about the football.

She's already explained that it was an unplanned pregnancy.

Starlight1979 · 13/12/2024 09:11

This is not the case at all and I would never stop him from going out

Um, you kind of are doing though...

captainPugwashh · 13/12/2024 09:11

You are controlling him though

Gogogo12345 · 13/12/2024 09:12

NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 08:17

It baffles you that some women have disabled children?, not one bit of support ...i'm talking can't even go to A&E when needed without having to take the children if partner is unavailable.
I have accepted my fault but drawing me out is not going to be okay with me.
My third pregnancy was very much unplanned and up until this I have always got on with it. He hasn't been to a football match in 2 years because he hasn't been able to get tickets , he has been out he is not on ball and chain ! He was upset because he can never get tickets and the one time he did i asked him not to go which has now changed. I can very much cope with my children and I do a lot with them. My 6 year old is active as she has autism and ADHD and I at this current moment cannot keep up that's all it is. So please do not ever insinuate I cannot cope with my children because on a normal day I can and do.

Edited

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So you have a 6 year old with various issues ( who may not be your partners) then go on to have another 2 kids. Surely BOTH the last two pregnancies weren't unplanned.

Add to this you are not working. Most people are still working at 6 months pregnant So he's supporting you and the kids. Sounds like a good guy

Glad to see you've seen sense and stopped kicking up fuss about a football match

Ontheflipside_ · 13/12/2024 09:14

I also think you're being unreasonable. I know you're knackered (I'm 9 months pregnant with a 3yo so I get it!) but everyone deserves some time. As other posters have said, you can rest the following day if you need to.

Ontheflipside_ · 13/12/2024 09:15

Sorry OP! Just seen your update. I posted before I read the whole thing

Original poster

NAY0110 · 13/12/2024 09:16

Gogogo12345 · 13/12/2024 09:12

So you have a 6 year old with various issues ( who may not be your partners) then go on to have another 2 kids. Surely BOTH the last two pregnancies weren't unplanned.

Add to this you are not working. Most people are still working at 6 months pregnant So he's supporting you and the kids. Sounds like a good guy

Glad to see you've seen sense and stopped kicking up fuss about a football match

Show quote history

I love the assumptions ,
I never said he wasn't a good man , in fact I stress this. I did work but as I care for my daughter, I am not entitled to feel tired in pregnancy lol?

OP posts:

StupidDeaths · 13/12/2024 09:22

I highly recommend he gets into going to the local non league team once the kids are big enough- my DH has started taking our 3 to games, the kids’ tickets are often free or just £1. Adult ticket is usually £15 but often less. I’ve been a couple of times but if I don’t, a good 3 hours of peace and quiet and the house to myself!
also you mentioned your eldest has additional needs- one of mine is autistic and the club bend over backwards to help with free carer tickets, advice on where is best to sit for less noise, reduced steps etc.