AIBU to feel a bit fobbed off by response to complaint?

[SummerBaby8]

Sorry for long post, trying to give context.

I attended a&e at 9 weeks pregnant due to dehydration. I’m in my 30’s and my partner is listed as my next of kin. My mother became aware of my admission and contacted a&e. The treating Dr informed my mother I was pregnant. I had not and did not intend to disclose my pregnancy to family for various reasons.

Dr immediately realised their error and informed me. I was very unwell but expressed how upset I was. Following this my partner had to leave for work. When I woke, my mother had attended and been informed of where I was and allowed to sit and wait for me to wake.

Following my discharge, I submitted a complaint. The hospital completed an investigation but didn’t contact me to ask about the impact this has had on me as part of this. Their response is that the Dr is sorry and has been spoken to.

Whilst I understand the pressures the NHS are facing and that people make mistakes, and cannot undo what has been done, AIBU to feel their response is a bit half hearted?

They don't get it do they!

Yes, and you'd still have human beings working hard under suboptimal conditions and subject to making human errors within a private health system.

There is a 100% foolproof way to not put yourself at risk of other people's human errors, and that is to not use the services provided by others. See how that option works out!

OP has received an apology. That doctor will be unlikely to make that mistake again. Others will do though because they too are over stretched and thinking at a million miles an hour.

OP has also not said how her mother was aware that she was in A&E, in order for her mother to phone up digging for info. A&E staff are insanely busy and haven't got time to be navigating family politics. Why tell her mum she was in hospital in the first place if she didn't want her involvement.

Lot of medical experts on here as usual.

Yep, we're not getting answers to this question are we ? Just a whining inflammatory pot.

If your mother turned up at A/E ... without being notified by staff... they will assume that she was informed by family and asked to attend.
They probably also assumed that she knew the reason you were there.
And depending on how she asked... people can really be manipulative and imply they know what's going on.
I'm sorry she found out... but dragging some poor overworked stressed clinician through meetings and complaints for a simple human error is a bit of overkill.
No wonder NHS is understaffed.

Post.

Nah , mother is a mind-reader as well !

You nasty piece of work.

To be fair the mother probably already knew the reason and it was only confirmed to her by the doctor.

Normally fit and healthy young women suddenly starts experiencing crippling nausea and vomiting bad enough to lead to dehydration and hospitalisation, which if it is HG will have already been going on for several weeks by 9 weeks gestation. Mum doesn't need a medical degree to have pregnancy as her top differential diagnosis in this case!

OP, your mother wasn't born yesterday!

Of course the real question is who told your mother. Was it your partner.

how?
Will it make people stop being entitled vindictive cunts?

Doesnt matter how much money or time is put in to the nhs, it no longer works. It was never designed to meet the demands it faces today. Completely unsustainable.

Did the Dr make you better??

I don’t speak to or see my mother that regularly, so she wouldn’t have been aware of the changes to my health to have known I’d been unwell.

My mother became aware of me being at a&e I believe as one of her close friends happened to be in the waiting room with her husband. I appreciate this is not the fault of the hospital and is just one of those things.

I’m not expecting financial compensation and most definitely not for the Dr to face disciplinary proceedings or for their career to be impacted. I just felt the complaints process didn’t take into account the individual impact of the breach. Given the fact that culturally our relationship is not accepted by certain members of our families, there has been a lot of pressure both ways regarding the pregnancy. If we’d had chance to make a decision ourselves without pressures from family or their knowing, it would’ve been much easier.

I’d have hoped that after the Dr informed me of the initial breach and I expressed how distressed and upset I was, that care would’ve then been taken to ensure my mother was not allowed to simply turn up and sit in my cubicle as I slept.

I appreciate everyone’s thoughts.

Maybe who knows the age of the doctor .he maybe thought you were unmarried so your mother or father were legally next of kin .which they are that's all .your mum clearly knew you were in hospital who told her

Wow.

Well your major issue and anger over the breech needs to be focused on the family friend.

Sadly HG ruins the pregnancy experience in more ways than one, and unfortunately it does tend to make it harder to keep things a secret. I had to tell family at 8 weeks, friends even earlier than that. It sucks not being in control but I really think your focusing your distress and anger on the wrong person. The doctor has acknowledged their mistake and apologised already.

I can see why you feel the response was halfhearted but I’m surprised you got a response at all based on my own experience.

OPs have made excuses about your file not being read properly which does happen and absolutely shouldn’t. That’s how patients get muddled up.

But the doctor knew she wasn’t your NOK and still broke confidentiality and then sat her in your cubicle. To me that seems very much more like the doctor disagreed with you and believed your mother should be given your medical information regardless of your wishes and allowed to sit with you while you slept because the doctor believed that is a mother’s right.

I have been on the receiving end of medical staff talking and acting as if their personal opinions on what family dynamics should be overruled how our adult family interacted. And at the same time fucking up on the medical care.

Retraining won’t change people who believe they are so much better than everyone else that they see nothing wrong in basically meddling in other people’s families.

You think A&E doctors have the time to meet and greet relatives at reception and escort them down to the bedside of a mildly unwell patient?!

The doctor will have had nothing to do with this part of OP experience. OP mum would have rocked up at reception and told them that her DD was already inside. Receptionist will have pressed button to release doors, OP mum will have wandered in and taken a seat at OP bedside, end of. OP needs to work on boundaries with her mother. A&E are not there to adult for adults who have the mental capacity to do it themselves.

The doctor has admitted their mistake and apologised.

Well I didn’t say any of that and I’m guessing you can’t see you have just proven my point.

So the doctor apologized. For the phone error , then someone whom? Made another error in a& e. Shows what the sorry was worth.
I would want to know
1 what has been done to stop this happening , as current practice not working
2 was there a data breach? That is serious as well
one wonders if the doctor thought he was behaving in an acceptable manner, how many other patients have had info passed on? I love my family , but would not have wanted my private details passed on in this manner.
It is a privacy issue for all not just because you and mother are estranged.
I really would take this further.
i worked for a bank and we would have risked strong disciplinary action for giving an account holders info to Anyone else

Absolutely, I think inveterate needs to imbibe. For the last time WHO TOLD THE OP's MOTHER? THEY ARE ACTUALLY TO BLAME FOR STARTING THIS. Summerbaby seems to have disappeared.

Did you not share the impact when you made your complaint? I’d have expected you to say everything you wanted to when you sent it.

What I want to know and probably a lot of people on here also, how did the mother know she was in a and e. Nobody seems to know this and the OP has disappeared. Hope she's ok.

So somebody has told your mother and you are blaming everyone else. You need to look at yourself and the trouble you've caused. . My mind boggles at the content of this post.