Left out at work?

[NevilleLong]

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not.

Jacob's join is a frequent event at my place of work and I always cook and contribute. Normally a list is put up on the staff room door. This time there wasn't.

Overheard a conversation today about it, a colleague asked me what I was bringing. Explained I hadn't been told about it and know nothing about it. She said doesn't matter you can still eat something.

Colleague who has organised it is bringing her halogen oven so everyone can warm up food.

Just so happens, I stuck up for another colleague to the person who has organised the jacons join as she is almost impossible to work with. Think bossy, micromanaging, reading your emails etc.

I've got a lot of stress at home atm but to be deliberately left out, is not something I would personally do.

I don't understand. What is a Jacob's join?

What has the manager and your stress at home got to do with it?

Sorry.

I guess a buffet?

Was it a group email about it? Ah not nice. We have school bus escorts group we include everyone if we having breakfast etc out if kids off early we stay local

I didn't mention my manager. It's were everyone brings a contribution of food.

I think you are making a massive leap here.

I would just assume it was accidental that you hadn't heard, and enjoy the food others had brought.
People are busy and these things happen.

Not sure that you were left out to make a point. It sounds more likely that you were overlooked accidentally.
Only you will know of course but that's my impression.

@NevilleLong how does she manage to read your emails???

Shared mailbox

If it's just one thing she's left you out of I wouldn't worry too much. If it becomes a pattern, or involves actual work and not a buffet, then complain.

However, it is a Jacobs Join and the idea of them is to bring a dish so perhaps it was assumed, rightly or wrongly, that you would just turn up with something regardless of being asked or not.

I didn't know it was happening to plan to turn up with something!
That's the thing, normally I get told.
Not this time!

Hmm maybe monitor the situation, see if anything similar happens again. Hard to tell otherwise if it was intentional... but whether or not intentional, it sucks to feel left out.

@NevilleLong Shared mailbox dont really know what a shared mailbox is. does this mean she can access all your previous emails too? why dont you have your own email addresses within the company

People shouldn't be bringing in their own ovens to cook or warm up food in an office, to serve to others. The equipment must be PAT tested and the person cooking and serving should have a food hygeine certificate ideally. If someone got sick who would be responsible?
The whole thing sounds weird.
If it's a bake sale just cook things at home and bring them in served cold.
If you want to contribute just do so.

Missing the point but I have never heard of a Jacob's Join before.

We do have our own but we have shared as a team aswell.

A "Jacob's Join" is a meal or event where each guest brings a dish".

Also aside, I've been to lots of 'shared lunches' or 'bring and share' meals, but never heard that term. I wonder if it is geographical ?

Re the shared mailbox - I mean, isn't the fact it is 'shared' a clue that everyone who has access to that mailbox, is able to read any of the e-mails ?

I asked google and it told me Jacob's Join is a northern expression for an event where everybody brings something to share at a lunch or event. I am Northern and never heard of that.

So is your colleague reading shared emails then? It sounds like you're being a bit paranoid to be honest and most likely that whoever organised it just forgot to tell you. I wouldn't overthink it and take it personally.

You sound rather paranoid. Surely just ask whether you missed the usual notice on the door, rather than assuming you’d been deliberately left out, and constructing a narrative of why that might have been? What does your stress at hoe have to do with the Jacob’s Join at work? (Or is it Jacobs’ Join?)

Jesus you people

the stress at home is to explain that the OP is perhaps overthinking or reading the situation incorrectly which is why she has posted on here - to gauge other people’s opinions

the person who organized it is someone OP had stood up to when she experienced a colleague being mistreated. This organizer is difficult to work with

A shared mailbox is self explanatory and a very normal thing for a team to have. I.e HR @ big company.com

I’ve never heard of a Jacob’s join either but it was pretty bloody obvious what it was

just be supportive and nice to someone who has obviously been hurt, feels ostracized at work, is looking for support and mentions they are under stress. How hard can that be?

OP I suggest you take the day off or have a pretend important appointment on the lunchtime it’s happening. Step away from the situation and look forward to having a few days off over Xmas. It’ll blow over and doesn’t need to be a big deal. Don’t show she’s got to you (if it was intentional) rise above it etc. good luck

I don't really understand the issue with reading emails in a shared mailbox. Are you sure that you weren't overreacting when you "stuck up for" your other colleague? Maybe because you're stressed at home?

@NevilleLong We do have our own but we have shared as a team aswell.

can you blanket email everyone necessary and ask to email you directly so she doesnt have access?

Is this the yank “pot luck” thing where people bring in dishes from home?

fook that

I’d be happy not being involved

How did everyone else find out, did you ask when you overheard the conversation?