Left out at work?

[NevilleLong]

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not.

Jacob's join is a frequent event at my place of work and I always cook and contribute. Normally a list is put up on the staff room door. This time there wasn't.

Overheard a conversation today about it, a colleague asked me what I was bringing. Explained I hadn't been told about it and know nothing about it. She said doesn't matter you can still eat something.

Colleague who has organised it is bringing her halogen oven so everyone can warm up food.

Just so happens, I stuck up for another colleague to the person who has organised the jacons join as she is almost impossible to work with. Think bossy, micromanaging, reading your emails etc.

I've got a lot of stress at home atm but to be deliberately left out, is not something I would personally do.

From @madaboutpurple above:

”I asked google and it told me Jacob's Join is a northern expression for an event where everybody brings something to share at a lunch or event. I am Northern and never heard of that.”

I'm northern and never heard of a Jacob's join. We call them fuddles (although it's usually more of a buffet)

Me neither 😄

I’m northern and I do know what a Jacob’s Join is.

We have a shared mailbox but emails come in for us individually. My colleague missed an email because it was opened marked read and dealt with so it was missed by her so no I wasn't overreacting.

We have individual emails sent to the mailbox. One was missed as it was marked as read and dealt with.

I need to give more context! Sorry I didn't realise a Jacob's join was a northern thing.
For us it's where everyone is asked to bring something in and have a buffet.

No I don't think I'm being paranoid. We do this quite frequently at work and everyone is normally told about it and then arranges what said person is going to bring. I haven't been told and knew nothing about it.

Further, this with our emails and other things has been going on for weeks. Other colleagues have been approaching me. Our work is getting changed by said individual once we have done it, emails are getting read and missed as they are being marked as read and dealt with when they were not dealt with my the individual whose case it is
Micromanaging has been happening i.e going over to other people, checking where they are up-to with their work and what are they doing about such and such a thing. We are all the same level, with some of us being there and been doing the job a good number of years.

It's been a really stressful situation to navigate. How do you tell someone to stop micromanaging you and other team members without it becoming awkward?
They also then tell the manager that they get left with everything, which simply isn't true, and it makes us feel incompetent.

The stress at home basically I was trying to say I have got stress at home and work and I'm finding it all overwhelming.
So everyone has had enough of the micromanaging and constant critiquing. My colleague missed an email the other day as a result of it being "dealt" with but it wasn't so I confronted her. As a result, I didn't get invited to the "buffet" and asked to bring something in. Everyone else did!

I would have turned up with a dish. But I didn't know it was happening!

Thank you. I appreciate it

I overhead a conversation. I then said I didn't know it was happening which was true I didn't.

Were I work there is a shared email address for certain types of email, of course one memner can't ask for all the emails to be sent to them, that would defeat the whole purpose and you wouldn't have no way of knowing who would be emailing, like an info@ situation

It does sound like you've been excluded OP and there probably isn't an easy solution, do you have a Christmas shut down, maybe some time away will let things be forgotten

@DreamW3aver No we don't get a Christmas shutdown unfortunately.
I know I'm not being paranoid. As it's said individual who has organised it and asked everyone what to bring. I overheard a conversation late yesterday afternoon when it's happening today.

My parents use the term Jacob's Join.

It sounds more likely a bit disorganised and an accident you didn't know. Maybe it was announced casually when a lot of people were around and people told to tell others, and just happened op fell between the cracks.
That sounds far more likely than a deliberate leaving out.

Oh, for heaven’s sake, OP. You are paranoid. Maybe the notice about the sharing meal was in an email you didn’t see because your manager had marked it as ‘read’. Isn’t that just as possible, given the issues you describe? And I absolutely fail to see why you regard not being told about the Jacob’s Join as a ‘punishment’ — surely it means you’re relieved of the task of making a dish and carting it to work? Or, now that you know about it, you can bring something anyway?

It sounds like a minor issue compared to the situation with the incompetently-managed mailbox anyway.

You shouldn't have interfered on behalf of your colleague.

It's happening to all of us all of the time so yes we are at the ends of our tethers!

@MaybeALittle It wasn't in an email at all. It was verbally arranged. I found out by overhearing a conversation later on in the week!!

So what’s the issue, exactly? From what you say, it hasn’t happened yet, and now you know about it, so either bring something on the day, or don’t bring something and eat what other people bring. If someone queries you not bringing a dish, say ‘No one told me!’

I think I if I had a lot of stress going on at home, I’d probably be deeply relieved not to have to cook a dish to take to work on top of it all!

Can you not colour code the emails in the shared mailbox. That's what we do, each colleague has a category colour and the person working on the email colours it so we know it's being dealt with

We do do that. But unfortunately they are being colour coded and read by a different person so therefore the person who it's intended for thinks its something they have already dealt with when they haven't in fact even read it!

It doesn’t sound like the OP is looking for advice on managing a shared mailbox, rather that the annoying person opens emails that are not hers to deal with and marks them complete. If this is happening frequently it’s reasonable to assume it’s deliberate or that she’s incompetent. Either way it’s appropriate to escalate to management as it’s detrimental to the team and workflow.

It’s rubbish to be left out of things OP- I’m sorry you were forgotten about this time. But if it is a one off it could just be an honest mistake. If I were you I would monitor the situation as pp have suggested - see if you are invited to future events. If you are left out of future events then it would be the time to raise with your line manager and ask why this is happening and tell them how it makes you feel.

I agree with @MaybeALittle 's posts.

However, if this shared mailbox is causing issues amongst your team, (and it isn't very clear how it is supposed to work to me) then surely the sensible thing to do would be to go to the Manager and say "the system as it is, isn't working, can we do x / y / z instead?" rather than having a go at a colleague ?

Did you ask the organiser if everyone was invited?

@Coconutter24 yes everybody was invited.